It seems quite difficult to tell a negative ego-self that it’s a negative ego-self, as long as it’s blinded by its own sense of righteousness. And being firmly rooted within that mind structure, it’s unwilling or perhaps unable to choose something different, to choose a higher perspective point of view.
Can you see the dilemma?
Is it even possible to help someone trapped in their ego to understand that they’re trapped? Or is it a lost cause or an unworthy challenge, something not worth spending our time upon? What do you think?
What’s the best way to get a helpful message across to someone who’s trapped within the egotistical thinking of their own mind?
asked 11 Apr '12, 00:21
I've found that helping someone that doesn't want to be helped is a painful experience for all concerned.
Better to let people be whatever they want to be and you concentrate on being who you want to be. If you're not a vibrational match to them, you won't notice them in your reality anyway - even if they're right in front of your face - so the "problem" fixes itself :)
And, in any case, who is the ultimate judge of what's negative and what's positive? ...the "bad" see the "good" as "bad" also :)
Finally, isn't anyone who we encounter in our reality just a reflection of a part of ourselves anyway?
So, really, it's never about the other person - or trying to "help" them - but about what aspect of our self we are projecting onto them and feel uncomfortable about...and therefore think needs "fixing" :)
When we stop judging ourselves, we'll stop judging others.
I know you know all this anyway, Eddie, and are just providing an opportunity for this issue to be aired :)
answered 11 Apr '12, 02:39
You can offer to share the key, but the individual in question must decide to use it and open up the door. They will always have the choice or final say if they think the door has a usefulness to even be opened.
It really is their own experience, and they must decide what is worth changing and what is not. You can offer help, but as soon as you notice that your assistance is being ignored or rejected, then it is time to just let it go and let the other person be who they decide to be.
Maybe this particular life path for them is to experience the illusion of being trapped or deeply rooted in the ego. This may very well be the biggest challenge to try and overcome on planet earth in all of their incarnations. So if you look at it from that perspective instead of our own personal perspective, then yes, it is a lost cause because the individual is on their own path to personal growth and that particular path may be on a completely different level than our own.
The best way is to just let them be who they are. If they are "trapped" as you stated, then they are right where they need to be.
There was a time that I was trapped in my ego and my narrow minded way of thinking. I would curse the negative things that happened in my life back then, and point fingers at others, and think that what I said was the only truth that mattered. It took all of that contrast to put me where I am today and I did it all on my own. I had many different directions where help was waiting, and decided with my own free will which rabbit holes I wanted to explore.
A person who is willing to work through their own issues and really wants to change is a very powerful thing. I saw it happen in my life but it took certain events and circumstances to get me in the right place and time to get rolling in the proper direction.
When help is offered and then rejected because of certain long held beliefs, then continuing the offer for help becomes resistance for both parties. It's best then to send them unlimited love and abundance and know that they will work it out when the time is right.
answered 11 Apr '12, 02:31
Dear Eddie, I know the person you have in mind and would like to help because yes it is true they seem to be fixed in their way and don't want to see others point of view. However it is not for us to judge their way or their truth for it is right for them. The iritation one sometimes feels when dealing with them is our own problem and must be fixed within ourselves.
Yes I know its a bit difficult to deal with this sometimes but we must ask ourselves what is is within me that this person has the power to irritate? What is it within me that wants to change this persons point of view and make it more flexible. If it is love for a fellow human being and your helping them is sincere than good and if it is the irritation they caused you than your own ego has a play in this.
Acepting the person as they are with falts warts and all is the only way and learning to like/love them anyway is the best way to avoid them from having the power to provoke your ego. If you can get this right than in time their comments won't irritate but will bring a smile to your face and you will think to yourself this is pure.....(add name) and lovingly shake your head.
If There is a psychical body then there will always be an Ego there to some extent.knowing this,means we will never be totally at peace all the time.Accepting what Is again, and again in whatever way we can is key.As for helping people who don't want it or seek it is futile but I think we can Influence others into helping themselves by being the best we can be.
If their ego is goading yours into playing the quickest way to diffuse it is by non-reaction. And if we witness the ego in another and feel the need to point it out to them then I think it may be the ego in ourselves wanting to respond.
If we truly want to be helpful I think the greatest gift we can give them is just realizing that they are believing in the illusion they're creating and the willingness on our part to see beyond it offers them the space to step into that awareness.
If they choose not to do so that's fine too...they're just not ready to realize their true identity and if we're genuinely coming from a place of love and compassion we'll be okay with that because we'll know they're just buying into the illusion and can step out of it,as easily as You or I, when they choose to do so :)
answered 13 Apr '12, 18:57
Please take the following remarks in the context that I am writing these words for mySelf! These are private remarks I make to myself in public. This helps me by tapping into the Group Mind.
But, not really, you - I - are talking about the negative aspects of your/my/OUR ego! Perhaps I need to call the negative aspects, the aspects that I consider contradictory to my Path as being presently personified by the entity who calls himself/herself/itself, white tiger. For simplicity I will call WT by the personal masculine pronoun.
Personally I think that the entity is a construct, an alter ego created by someone. WT's grammar, syntax, spelling, presentations are sometimes sublime and sometimes childlike. Vastly different in style. But whether this is so or not is moot.
Sometimes the links are trite and silly, sometimes articulate, concise and to the point. Links can be beautifully peaceful or can be violently ugly. His remarks seem to be written by at least three or more different people. I suspect this is the case. Though he maintains a Christian stance, some of this seems Buddhist. Again a moot point.
Are the spelling errors, grammar, syntax the result of a poor understanding of our English? Or are they intentional - an intentional part of his "lessons" in trying to goad us with "answers"? To goad us into looking at negative aspects of ourselves by being such a blatant example of "negative ego"?
He writes "i am one of the fee [should be 'few'] [that] have found the narrow gate." He writes further. "took me about two months."
Well, I found the Narrow Gate in two days! So there! Must be I am smarter, know the Father better, know the Truth better, at least I capitalize God! (very big grin, Bill's ego talking) "But I did!", Bill's ego talking again. <another big="" grin="">
Some people here confront him, some try to placate and others are downright sarcastic, seeming to agree, but with underlying nuances that point to his 'transparent behavior'. We are almost afraid to use the word "judgement" because we know how he will respond!
On many other "forums" he would be banned for a variety of reasons, flaming antagonistic rudeness being a major one!
But my feelings are influenced by my taking his remarks into myself and letting them fight with my ego. Disconnecting me from my Source, and therefore making myself feel bad and ready to do personal battle. "Personal battle" in that this silly stance of mine is a direct result of my disconnected-from-Source negative ego arising. The negative ego moves on it sown, disconnected from Source,
When I first arrived in IQ, I thought he was a troll.
I made the remark, "Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig enjoys it"! Then, ignoring my own advice, I wrestled with the pig! He wrestled back, and he did it well. I became a "dirty little pig".
So I took another direction, I found software with which I can block him. I did not see his posts, his name, I had an "Ignore Button." No more WT in my world! But, like a bad penny, he kept cropping up in other posts made by other people, dragging me back in again.
So I took a look and decided I had learned something about myself. That the aspects I saw in wt, were there because they were within me. Fine, thought I, I will work on these, and I have, but this lesson is nowhere near finished.
As @stingray said, unless you are of a similar vibration, you can not see the things you dislike.
I found myself in a peculiar state of mind, recently, wt seemed to take a few hours off from his usual constant remarks, having to have the last word - no posts, and strangely enough I missed him! (It cost me to admit that!)
So, do I still find him to have a host of irritating and abrasive behaviors? I Sure do! When I look in a mirror and see my body has fat where I wish it was muscle, do I blame the MIRROR??
Do I blame WT for his irritating behavior and resolve to find some way to zap him into CHANGING, pointing out his errors, inconsistencies and mistakes? Or do I look within, use the techniques, breathe, get in the Now, connect with my Source and live from that perspective?
If/when I do, I do not see white tigers anymore. I do not even see other people responding to white tigers. I will have integrated the white tiger aspects of mySelf.
Do I like white tiger? No. Do I like the parts of me that he represents? A very much bigger No!
Is he a necessary part of my reality? Until I find a way to lovingly deal with these aspects of myself/ourself, you bet your sweet life he is!
EDITED: And I am growing to like him. But I am not there yet! <grin>
**EDITED AGAIN 4/20/2012 Today's quote from Abaraham
it is a process for each of us to learn,
answered 11 Apr '12, 06:43
it is a dilemma that you will have to work on no one can make it except you. but try to stay in the truth. then your ego will not take hold of you. and you will be at peace with your self and other. it is always about you not about someone else. remove your fear and ignorance. so open your eyes to the truth. i will also add that a truth that is relative is incomplete truth. a perfect truth can be seen under all angle or perception side of view. ego is not negative it is just doing its job the problem is the owner of the house that do not control is ego. i told you before if you cannot be in peace with your self and other you cannot enter the kingdom of light. the darkness does not enter the light.
The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
each time you drop in judgement you are not in truth anny more.
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.
we are all equal so if you think that you are better then someone else where does that come from?
if you help someone it is not about the quantity but the quality. if you think that you are better then other people because of the quantity where does that come from ?
"In the cases on which my work is based there has been what I call a true self hidden, proteceted by a false self. This false self is no doubt an aspect of the true self. It hides and protects it, and it reacts to the adaptation failures and develops a pattern corresponding to the pattern of environmental failure. In this way the true self is not involved in the reacting, and so preserves a continuity of being. However, this hidden true self suffers an impoverishment that derives from lack of experience." (from "Clinical Varieties of Transference," 1955-56)
So under every no there is a yes ,a what if. But after repeated failure/lose the negative ego/ false self seems to have control.(beliefs)
answered 14 Apr '12, 06:02
Please know that I stand by all that I wrote in this question and what I said in the subsequent question, because both questions are related and both came from inspiration.
Thanks for all of your answers. I particularly appreciate the Uni-verse and mirror/reflection analogies and reminders, because they prompted me to go even deeper down the rabbit hole to reconcile the apparent dilemma or paradox :)
Several other points were raised: what is a negative action, who says it’s negative and if I’m seeing negativity in another, then negativity must also exist within me, because it’s a Universal reflection.
I didn’t randomly decide to ask these questions, I felt inspired to ask them after seeing what I perceived to be negative (unhelpful) actions of others, so there was intention. This answer came through after contemplating the reflection/mirror analogy idea…
Consider a person, who, due to 20 years or so of inquiring into, understanding and reconciling the idea of ego within themselves, and who now feels that they can definitely see negativity in someone else. If we only look to the surface understanding of the mirror analogy, then we say, well, it’s a reflection, so the same negativity must exist within me also.
However, if we realize because we see that our own beliefs, emotions, thoughts, words and actions do not generally contain negativity, while at the same time we understand the mirror analogy; we’re left with a dilemma or paradox, in the form of: can it be possible that it's purely a reflection of my own negativity? And that dilemma or paradox leads us to inquire even more deeply...
Let’s say that we’re aware that we’re evolving, through the understanding of our life experience. We believe or know that in addition to our physical self, we are also a higher self. And we know that it’s our higher self which goes forth and creates our desired future experience; it brings it to us based upon our own asking, right?
The thing to remember and see here is that the Universal reflection is not only, not purely, based upon what’s currently contained within us; it also contains that which will help us to move forward, as a response to our own asking. That’s how we move from our current state to a higher frequency vibrational state.
Thus, due to our asking for more clarity and our desire to step up on the vibrational ladder, in order to be a purer light. Our higher self says, right, let’s see how you handle this and it sends inspiration to ask questions, because it knows that negativity will be reflected back to us, and it knows that that's what we need to transcend in order to step up vibrationally.
So in a sense, it was primarily a setup by me for me. Because the negativity that was reflected back to me gave me an opportunity to see if I'd really moved beyond my own negative ego-self or not. And even though it was by me for me; it also has the potential to assist others, if they’re willing to allow themselves to see the underlying intention of these questions. So those questions can serve double duty.
If we react to the apparent negativity before us, then we have more work to do in the area of our negative ego-self. If we respond to the negativity in ways that are inspired by our higher self, then we know we’ve moved beyond our own negativity and thus we’re ready to step up a vibrational rung.
Asking the question in the way I did was the best way that I could get a helpful message across. Because if you reacted in the form of negative answers and/or comments, you know that you’re experiencing negativity within yourself. And so, at some level of your being, you know you have more work to do,
And as a bonus, by seeing the questions in this way, anyone who responded in a positive way will know and will be reassured or have confirmation that, indeed, they’ve moved beyond their own negative ego-self and are moving up the vibrational ladder towards more clarity :)
To observe negative ego-self action within another is not judgment; because there’s no label attached to the observation in the form of bad or dark. When seen from a higher perspective, the labels of good or bad and dark or light are not seen in the same way that a negative ego-self sees them.
The evolution I refer to is the evolution of human consciousness on planet earth, the idea of our consciousness evolving to a higher state, a higher perspective that’s closer to that of God.
Remember that, yes, while the question came through my consciousness; because there’s only you in your Universe and because you, as consciousness are reading it right now, obviously, it logically follows that it is your reflection. And as such, it’s always your choice of whether you will react or respond to it.
Don’t take it personally as some kind of affront to who you are. I don’t know anyone physically here on IQ; we’re interacting and communicating on the level of consciousness. And as our consciousness expands into newer and higher versions of itself, the end result can only be positive for everyone here and indeed for our world ♥
The Game of Life has some interesting bible references and contains ideas about God, imagination, higher self, positive and negative states and how to feel our reality into existence...
this is an audio selection from my source that will help u in these ideas.
if you are not big on listening to sessions then here is a nut shell. When u are imbalanced ( bad emotions ) there is a reason. Don't hide or suppress them, only use them as a guide. When it is negative ( or positive ) it's because the thoughts, actions, or experiences that you are having doesn't ( or does with positive emotions ) go along with ur deep beliefs. The emotion is a flag. See what it is specifically that causes this imbalance or feelings. When u find it, it will or should be easier to do because u will feel the emotion when u think about what it is that is causing the issue. after u see it is this that is causing it then you will have to reflect, why does this thought action or experiences make me feel that way,. what exactly is it that makes this so faulted. 99.999% of the time it will be because ur mind (ego) will tell u one thing and ur heart will say another. You should always listen to the heart. As most of you who have heard or seen my posting u know one of my favorite quotes from Treb is this, "[…] if you follow your heart, your heart is connected directly to your higher self and soul. And your soul knows better than anyone, for you. It knows better than the wisest, or longest living entity in this universe. Because it IS you, it is part of you and it is what you need. So follow the heart and you will never be lead wrong. "
now when u hear this some will ask, how can you distinguish what is which ? What is from my heart what is from my ego. The ego is self serving the heart is not. Even if it is a heart that is you will be able to know because you will only feel joy from the heart. No hesitation no desire to question it. If it is from the ego there is usually questions of a nagging nature and no way to see it all through. Hope this helped.
love n light ( wisdom)
And luckily, it doesn't have to be a problem to you unless you let it! For me, I stay out of the way until that person actually realizes his/her situation and THEN ask me if there's a solution. Until then, I'm just talking to a wall. Good luck Eddie, don't think too hard about this. Even if it's a close relative or friend of yours, some things just aren't meant to be sometimes. The best help you can give is to NOT force yourself into a situation thinking you're helping, but really you're not.
answered 15 Apr '12, 19:07
Well Eddie, you have said it yourself. You only experience people you are a vibrational match to. Read your answer here and here and here and hereto other questions. I just thought you put it so well, why reinvent the wheel, right?
And now my thought on it: When we decide where a person is coming from with their words, etc... we are judging them. If I decide that Someone needs To See That Their Ego Has Control Of Their Mind, that is my ego judging them, and judging myself. I have realized that, but am still working on, when I feel this way about someone else, I can just accept the fact that we are not a vibrational match. If it is on IQ, I can just ignore the posts that I don't resonate with. Sometimes when I come back later, I do understand what they are saying, but often I don't. I don't let it get under my skin, I just ignore it. I understand that if it isn't a match to my vibration, it is a match to something else. According to Gregg Braden in his video about the 7 essene mirrors, the next reflection, if it isn't reflecting our own self, it reflects what we judge. Then there are more mirrors, but my point is judging other people and ourselves.
So, the only way to know if someone's ego is in control of their mind, is to judge it that way.
Be your best self and act courageously- tackle your own fears and your own mind and live as an example. By you living as an example- that will lead them to their own questions regarding how their mind or ego is causing havoc in their own life. Many people are lost and hurting. Be someone who isn't- lead as an example and your light will show others the way as a result. You don't have to force it upon them- they will be lead to see those answers themselves.
We ultimately cannot separate from the ego as it is there to serve us in survival- but we can be aware of our fears and how the mind acts up and train it towards a more relaxed, prosperous, abundant, non-competitive, grateful and open minded thoughts and feelings and responses. We can choose our own responses and train the mind and exercise courage in response to fearful thoughts. Its a habit just like any other but its not out of your reach.
answered 31 Oct '12, 00:21
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