Since four years, I'm trying to manifest a specific dream of mine. When I found out about the Law of Attraction four years ago, this desire was the main cause of my interest in spiritual ideas.
I was in a desperate situation back then and have experienced strong contrast which led to this desire. However, I've had a huge amount of resistance while simultaneously my desire was as huge.
When I began to study about the Law of Attraction, I devoured every article and every book about this topic. I read for hours every day to understand the principles and methods about manifesting. It took an extremely large dose of Abraham Hicks, Bashar and Inward Quest to completely understand these ideas intellectually. I was desperate to improve my life and for the first time ever, I felt that I am powerful and that maybe, life is not so hard after all.
Back to this huge desire of mine.
It took me years to let go of all of the limiting beliefs around this desire. In the beginning, I was not even sure if I could manifest it at all. Then it took me another two years (!) to release all the guilt that overcame me when I thought about the desire, I felt truly unworthy of anything good.
Finally, after three and a half years of tapping, reading and trying a lot of processes, I was in a place where I felt quite good about my desire. I had days where I truly believed that I have it and that it's mine.
But it didn't manifest. I got vibrational matches almost every single day (and I wrote them down!) but it didn't manifest.
I had to balance my need for this thing for more than three years and there were times when I was yearning hard :) Three months ago I truly gave up on my desire and was able to focus on something else. But it didn't manifest nonetheless.
I knew that I was understanding these ideas perfectly and that I knew what to do. But something was missing.
I've experienced some minor health issues as a result of the opposing forces inside me (desire vs. resistance) and at times I've truly felt that I've became more but I wasn't letting it in. I've suffered a lot. The cause of all suffering really is a lack of allowing what you want!
A month ago, I came to a turning point where I finally realized where I went wrong all of this time! Even though I was getting these ideas intellectually, I've managed to not vibrate in harmony with my desire. I know that sounds too simple to be true and some of you might be laughing at this, but it finally clicked for me that I didn't dominantely feel in harmony with my desire!
When I was doing the Grid work @Stingray mentioned on IQ I've generated some emotions concerning my desire and for the first time in my life I've experienced how "success" feels like! And it blew my mind!
When I was vibrating in these high vibrations like wealth, security, all is well I've had a small shock because in that moment I completely understood why my desire never manifested.
Due to my childhood I was used to feeling unsafe, not successful and certainly not wealthy. Even though I've turned my life around during these four years and I've become a truly happy and positive person, I was still used to feeling all of these "not so good feeling emotions".
And even though I've always understood these manifesting ideas intellectually and knew many of @Stingray's posts by heart, I managed to not vibrate in harmony with my desire.
I hope all of this makes sense and that at least one person finds this helpful. Now I believe that my desire will soon manifest (I'm still working on some minor resistance and on feeling the corresponding emotions even more).
Thank you for everything, Inward Quest.
asked 01 Nov '18, 14:57
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This is great! I love a success story. Please report back on your manifestation when it pops. It's always about the feeling not the thinking. @Stingray ALWAYS says that, but we don't always hear it. Congratulations to you! :)
@Yes - thank you so much! I will definitely report back once it manifests! :) And yes, that's so true- I always approached these ideas intellectually - and that was my biggest trap. I'm a very logical thinking and intellectual person - so I have a whole new way of being to learn - feeling like a beginnner but I've learned so much during these years and I know life will just getting better and better. Have a lovely day! :)
@spacemetalfantasy You feel much happier in life and you now truly understand how the Universe works. You have already won the jackpot there. Your desire manifesting will just be the icing on the cake! :)
@spacemetalfantasy Great post to read. I feel uplifted reading it. I'm interested to hear how you go about gridwork. Can you please give some (your) examples of emotions you generated that filled in the 'gap' so to speak?
@Nikulas - thank you. Sure, at the moment I mainly generate security, capability, wealth, worthiness, success and stability. It's fascinating to feel these emotions for the first time. My experience showed me that your habitual childhood emotions can still be very active in you and vibrating "behind the scenes", even though intellectually, you know about LOA.
@Nikulas -But it's a textbook example of the leather shoe analogy http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/2243/how-can-spiritual-beliefs-and-practices-help-those-in-chronic-pain#2312
@Yes - Oh yes, that's right! Your comment is right on point :) I so appreciate my knowledge about how the Universe works - it's a special gift.
@spacemetalfantasy. Thankyou that is meaningful to hear. I like your approach: take the common, most popular emotions/states one felt in their childhood- and then just take the preferred emotion or opposite positive emotion from the common childhood emotions. For me, I often experienced hopelessness- so I would take hope as a core emotion to practise today. I like it a lot. I never considered to think that my childhood consisted of only 5-8 different flavours of emotions...
...and many manifestations of childhood were literally those emotions.
2014 was one of my best years (so far) and I didn't feel those emotions in my childhood very much. I often felt loneliness in childhood and then I felt connection. Instead of fear, I felt positive anticipation. Thankyou for your perspective this has helped me a ton.
@Nikulas - "I never considered to think that my childhood consisted of only 5-8 different flavours of emotions and many manifestations of childhood were literally those emotions" this is so right on point! When I realized that I was still vibrating in the emotions of my childhood (terror, fear, instability, powerlessness, unimportance, unworthiness) I immediately knew that this was my problem during these years. But you can get so used to these emotions when...
@Nikulas - ...you've experienced them for decades everyday since the first day of your life! Then these emotions feel "normal" and you don't notice that it's not normal at all to feel this stuff everyday - despite having been to therapy and using EFT and other methods to heal these wounds from childhood. It's an ansolutely fascinating process! When I'm in the Vortex I feel appreciative of my childhood experiences, no matter how much I've suffered - ...
@Nikulas - because without them I would never be where I am today. It was and still is a wild journey :) And I think my inner being chose these terrible circumstances before my birth to "wake me up quickly" and to send me on the quest that I'm on. And yes, loneliness was (and sometimes still is) a big one for me, too. Thank you Nikulas, I'm glad I could help.
Wow, thanks for this discussion! I've been realizing how numb I am to my old childhood emotions (fear, powerlessness, shame) and how much they explain my life experiences, because I've been vibrating things I didn't realize I was vibrating. I'm interested in the idea of choosing to experience the opposite of those frequent early emotions! Can either of elaborate on how that works for you?
@corduroypower- I would love to elaborate but I only got the insight from @spacemtalfantasy reading this post the other. I'm still a beginner in learning to generate emotions on my demand. But to me it just seems that most of my desires in life are probably symbolic representations of emotions I want to feel day to day. Those emotions I guess are different emotions I did not consistently feel in childhood. To me the emotions I am aiming towards to feel day to day include connection, security...
deservingness, excitement, love, well-being, self-esteem and self-belief. I know they sound like general emotions all people want to feel but to me they are what feels like a void in my life at times. I think instead of asking what 'things' do you want to manifest, its better to ask how do you want to ideally feel day to day? I don't care how my life unfolds in terms of content, but I do want to feel pleasant and certain specific states day to day. Might report back in a week or so
@corduroypower - I do the grid work exercise that Stingray explained here: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/100359/what-are-the-easiest-routes-back-to-excitement I do it every morning after I've cleared resistant thoughts about my desire(s) using EFT. Then I generate my target emotions using this word based approach in the link above. When I first did that a month ago, it was a whole new experience. I didn't know how "wealth" feels like...
@corduroypower - ...until I did the grid work and got a taste of it. Visualization doesn't generate the missing emotions for me, I realized. I feel that it's very hard to generate emotions you never felt like using visualization and it's even more tricky if you vibrated in the opposite emotions for your whole life without being aware of it. Does this answer your question? I'm happy to hear that you found value in my post, you're welcome.
Thanks, @spacemetalfantasy! I've tried that technique before, but (as with so many things) I now realize that my numbness to my own habitual bad feelings meant that I couldn't really feel when I was feeling better! I'm going to look at it again and see if it can connect more authentically for me now.
Thanks, @Nikulas! A feeling I'd like to generate is "comfort". I agree that (at this point) I don't care as much what specific events or experiences happen, but I would like to feel more comfort, ease, safety, and fun in my life. Comfort is a big thing for me, I have a LOT of practice habitually being in a vibrational pattern of intense discomfort, it tends to feel normal and ordinary. I'd really like to change that one...
@corduroypower - you're welcome. I now realize how difficult all of these techniques are when you're used to feeling numb in regards to your emotions - it's a real challenge! I've noticed though that it's getting easier the more I generate specific emotions. Since beginning to meditate, I've also started getting nudges from my inner being that point me in the right direction. For ex. I've discovered lots of limiting beliefs that I've haven't been aware of before...
@corduroypower - ...even though I've worked for years on my belief system and was convinced that the "big ones" aka my most limiting beliefs that stemmed from my childhood are gone. Since releasing them with EFT I've noticed that I've reached another "level" of my vibrational setpoint. It takes a lot of time and work to change yourself after a traumatic childhood and there are many layers of beliefs, negative expectations, and emotions to work through.
@corduroypower - It can be daunting and you may feel overwhelmed - I certainly had and sometimes still do. But please don't give up - the journey is worth it and when I look back at how far I've come since four years ago - that's an awesome and thrilling feeling. The most important thing is to be patient with yourself and to not compare yourself with people who had "normal" childhoods. We are just learning how to walk while they're already winning marathons.
@corduroypower - It can be a fun journey and I know one day I look back with so much appreciation because I learn so much about me and how to use the Law of Attraction in this challenging process.