I realise that I keep attracting narcissists into my life. I believe I have a narcissistic mother and a father who has some narcissistic traits. As a result I would say I may be a co-dependant person who idealises others and wants to help them at my own expense and always a people pleaser with not much confidence, but I probably have some slight narcisstic traits too.
I have been dealing with a superior at work recently who has all the traits of a narcissist and has been severely bullying me. At the same time I have met a man I have been seeing who though outwardly very nice and caring, can sometimes momentarily be very condescending. Reading up about traits of covert narcisstic personality disorder, I feel he may have one - e.g. victim mentality, love-bombing, gaslighting - all the classics. Narcissists apparently can never be changed unless they voluntarily agree to undergo years of therapy.
Do people here on IQ believe that people can have a fixed personality issue that can't be changed? I have been working on myself for a while to heal any undesirable traits that may be attracting these kind of people to me, but they still seem to show up quite a bit of my reality - in fact having two suddenly show up is destabilising me as both situations are hard to deal will and I'm feeling a lot of hurt and anger and hopelessness. I previously asked a question about who we attract to our reality and got good answers from IQ, but I'm wondering particulary of attracting 'narcissistic', self-loving/self-hating people into my life - or can I or therapy change them. Thanks for any help.
asked 12 Jun '19, 13:10
Hey Inner Beauty,
I heard Abraham Hicks say this about the subject:
But the vibration of insecurity is probably due to a couple of wrong core beliefs from childhood (like "I am defective", "I am unworthy" etc... this usually are a result of being raised by a narcissist)
I've been through a similar process lately and this is what helped me a lot:
That It's all about bringing your power back to you. :)
I also think that the belief that I can change another person is a trap (usually part of an empath's toxicity according to psychology), I can only change myself so that I am no longer affected by the narcissist's behavior.
I hope this helps.
answered 13 Jun '19, 06:50
as soon as you stop calling them "narcissists", and yourself a "co-dependant" and realize that you all just people on this planet with all sorts of fellings and behaviours then they will stop showing up in your life as narcissist, and you will not be co-dependant. but you have to :
*stop define them and you like you do
*act like you are NOT co -dependant
answered 14 Jun '19, 19:55
If you’re noticing similar vibrational tendencies in your parents, it may be that some really bad-feeling interactions have become "normalized" through your lifelong relationship with them, allowing similar dynamics to keep playing out with others in your life. If that's the case, it can help to create space for yourself and find ways to reset your naturally good-feeling “normal-meter.”
Based upon the specific issues you’ve mentioned, I would recommend:
Current methods suggest that they either can not, or simply will not change. It’s also been well-described that those who are forced into counseling through work, family, or even legal obligations can successfully manipulate counselors who aren’t intricately familiar with NPD. There might come a day when there are techniques, etc. that could help them resolve their trauma patterns and to which they might be open. But I think what White Elf and Stingray are bringing up in the noted posts is key—at the present moment in our spiritual evolution, they appear to have come specifically to not change, and their spiritual “gift” to us may be to force exactly this tight corner where we have no choice but to take them out of the picture to reclaim our true selves. The first half of this video addresses nearly all the questions you’ve brought up, especially wanting to help others change, and speaks eloquently to the spiritual dynamics of reclaiming your power.
This seems to be one pathway through which many individuals are awakening and re-empowering themselves right now, and your asking about it here on IQ is a sign of being willing to take hold of your life and your happiness. It’s a challenging path, but hold the faith that it can also be a gateway to very deep transformation and a more joyful life.
answered 17 Jun '19, 20:05
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