So I want to know how to protect my energy from my husband, who is very controlling and narcissistic. I am working on starting my own business and can't move right away, but I can't focus, I feel down all the time, I can't stay motivated and being in his presence just sucks everything from me.

I want to learn to protect myself so I can accomplish my goals. It honestly feels like a never-ending roller coaster and I can't change him, but I need to change myself to get away.

He isn't physically abusive, but very emotionally and mentally negative and it's so hard to stay inspired around him. I never realized how much his negative talk about me damaged how I feel. Unmotivated, will to live. Although I don't feel suicidal, I don't have a zest to live a life I know I deserve.

It's a weird paradox. It feels like living in limbo and I feel I've been in limbo for a long 8 years. Unsure if I'm coming or going. Unsure about pretty much everything in my life. I am so tired of feeling like this. ...

asked 02 Sep '20, 00:58

Ilovetruth718's gravatar image


edited 02 Sep '20, 03:18

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

it is your emotions you need to take control of, to be able to assert your beliefs, even if only to yourself, he will feel the difference, that you are your own personand you own your soul.

(13 Apr '21, 11:09) fred

After reading this again and again, I have nothing more to say than drop this partner of yours, get out of his life, move out, carry on. Dont worry about this "I need to protect my energy" nonsense; you just need to get away. Done. It's no more complicated than that.....I feel you question yourself and complicate this issue because you dont wish to accept the reality of whats going on. Dump this partner, get out, grief, and move on.

(15 Apr '21, 01:00) Nikulas

I don't think it is that easy to leave, as it seems, you should first read the Human magnet by Ross Rosenberg

(23 Apr '21, 11:54) White Elf
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments

Dear @ilovetruth718.

2 answers from me.

Answer 1.



Answer 2

This whole 'narcissists' and 'psychopaths' have so much power over us (you) is a false myth. They have no more power than you do, but it sure as hell doesn't feel that way does it?

Here is a good re-frame you can toy with, if you have the courage and your morality is not frozen and false-fed to you from an early religious background that is poisonous:

It is assumed that your husband is the PREDATOR, and you are his PREY. Yes, like the animal metaphor, he is hunting you, and you aren't a type of animal that can hunt back; you are just a total victim and must run away or fawn/freeze/submit to his stuff.

Solution and the real Answer 2.2.

I want you to NOW assume YOU are the PREDATOR, and your husband is the PREY.

Done with answers

If you join the Manifesting Lab then you can feel free to message me about this issue. My father was a narcissist (diagnosed) and my mother had BPD, and my first Taekwondo Instructor also a narcissist.

I am very good at dealing with these personalities. The bottom line to remember, they aren't Gods. They are also human, therefore, if we go by a metaphoric rationale, if you cut them with a knife (metaphorically), they will also bleed.

You are not weak. They are not invincible, even dare say strong. Hit them in some style, and you will prove to yourself they are not robots.

(optional material)

Predator vs Prey reframe with narcissistic people: Seek out on the video the timeline of 02.34


answered 28 Sep '20, 05:27

Nikulas's gravatar image


edited 28 Sep '20, 05:33

Moving out isn't always the answer. I was told I should move out of the apartment I shared with narcissist roomie. That would mean giving up my rent controlled home in an area I really like and is convenient for me. Not do-able. Instead I evicted him.

Gray Rock became my rock and still is. Downstairs neighbor also NPD and the other day someone suggested I should move. Thanks but no thanks. Here's one from Tolle that has been v. helpful.

(19 Oct '20, 17:50) Delphine

Gray Rock is about not reacting. Don't argue, defend, apologize etc. Engaging with them is a losing proposition.
Another good take on this:

(19 Oct '20, 17:53) Delphine

Im sorry mate, what are you fricking saying?

(15 Feb '21, 00:15) Nikulas
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments

I think there are some lessons to learn from this kind of relationships. I think you need to learn them so you can protect your energy.

I've heard narcisists, sociopats being called dark gurus.

The lessons might be related to:

Are you giving your power away?

Do you believe in yourself, your worth, your purpose?

Do you overgive at your own expense?

Are you trying to convince others to love you?

Do you have emotional boundaries?

Are you able to say NO?

Do you know when something is yours to do and when it's someone elses?

This is a book that helped me understand better my lessons:

Later edit: after contemplating this for a while (it happened to me too): Everything for which you don't take 100% percent reponsability for, will be used by a narcisist.

This video explains it best:

The relationship with a narcisist is a mirroring of power (It took me some time to understand this but I think now it is true)


answered 27 Sep '20, 02:39

White%20Elf's gravatar image

White Elf

edited 27 Jan '21, 08:51

It sounds like you're living in a situation with a lot of momentum that keeps you down despite your best efforts to escape and find peace.

Abraham describe these situations with the "car falling off the cliff" analogy. If you push your car off a cliff, and it's tumbling down toward the ocean, now is not the time to get in front of it and try to stop its fall. The car has too much momentum and will crush you on its way down.

The relationship with your husband that you're describing is a little bit like that. There is a lot of momentum and any efforts to try and stop it usually falter. If you read what you wrote in your question you can see how strong the momentum is...

... who is very controlling and narcissistic... his presence just sucks everything from me... honestly feels like a never-ending roller coaster... very emotionally and mentally negative and it's so hard to stay inspired around him...

So, how do you get out of a situation like this?

By chilling out. Don't fight it. Accept that the momentum is there. If your husband says something that keeps you down, just be ok with it. You're down. You're feeling unmotivated. That's ok. That'll go on for a while. It's been happening for 8 years and it isn't going to stop in one day. You can't focus. You can't accomplish your goals. It's ok. Just breathe. It's fine for now. It's already happening, and pushing against it is just going to attract more of it, so you might as well just be ok with it, right?

Don't try too hard to protect yourself. Just go with the flow, focus on your breath if things are getting hard, and be okay with the way things are. If you can't be okay with it then that's ok... be ok with not being ok with it. :)

Once you start taking this approach in your day-to-day life, you'll start to notice that you feel a little lighter. As the days go by you'll notice that this all starts to get easier. In time your situation's momentum will begin to soften. As the momentum softens your connection to your Inner Being will strengthen and you'll start to get clearer guidance on how to start living your dreams.

Remember, while you may have spent the last 8 years feeling bad and cooking up this big nasty predicament you're in, your Inner Being has heard your desire for change and is holding a strong point of attraction that accounts for all your asking. Your Inner Being's point of attraction is pure and positive, and millions of times stronger than yours. It won't take long for you to return to a place of stability and wellbeing; the wellbeing that's calling you is so strong and magnetic that even just a little bit of "chilling out" will show you tremendous amounts of evidence that its working and that a better life is on its way to you!


answered 02 Sep '20, 14:05

WeRadiateBeauty's gravatar image


edited 02 Sep '20, 14:08

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