I have now got a job offer which is close to what I was dreaming of about an year ago. I have the offer letter from the company where I get to do what I wanted provided I specialize in the subject by attending college which costs a bomb and I need to sponsor for this course myself.

I got this offer 2 days ago.

The same day my parents got a marriage proposal (arranged marriage which is common in India) which they feel is the best for me considering my age and family status and such other criteria which plays a lot of importance in arranged marriages in India. According to the society standards I have crossed the normal age of marriage for a girl and its very difficult for anybody to find a man for me to marry and unless I find someone for myself, I may end up being single. My parents have been panicking about me for quite sometime and feel that this proposal is the best thing that I would get and I should accept it. However, the guy wants to move to a different country for good and suggests that I should study something in that country. Now I dont want to hurt my parents any more as I have been a difficult child for them always. I have always done things as per my wish and mostly have not been successful in making good decisions. I have later felt, my parents were right. Yet I am unable to accept the idea of marrying someone just by meeting him once or twice. The guy comes across as a decent person and has been brought up well, perhaps. But I dont know anything about him except for a few things he has told me about himself. My mom says marriage is a gamble and I should take a chance. Should I take a chance and go to a completely strange country and build my life there from scratch? Now considering that I have got the job that I wanted to do, I am torn between having to take a decision in one day! I have to join the college in two weeks and this guys family wants the marriage to happen within two weeks as he wants to take me with him immediately after!!! I have to give an answer to them today!

Both marriage and my dream job were things I had asked for from the Universe and I am happy that its happened. But having to choose one between both is what I did not bargain for!!

What do I do?????? Since most of you are people with different experiences in life I look forward to any suggestions as soon as possible. Pleaseeee.

asked 30 Dec '10, 12:41

AVBhat%201's gravatar image

AVBhat 1

Congratulations on the job offer!

As for matters of the heart (or are they?) I think this is something you alone have to decide. My gut feeling is that you already know what the answer is and you are here looking for affirmation.

Follow your inner self for the answer to this one for you might get a bevy of different responses.

Here is a good exercise, Imagine you have made a choice, now really tune in to how that choice makes you feel. Now a day later imagine making the other choice, now see how that makes you feel.

How you feel after you have made a choice is the answer. Then again I think you have already chosen.

Follow your choices and not the choices of others..ok I said it :)

Be well, Much Love



answered 30 Dec '10, 14:25

jim%2010's gravatar image

jim 10

I love this 'tuning in' to having made the choice already idea, thanks Dude. Am adding it to my arsenal. :)

(30 Dec '10, 19:13) aquamarine


Difficult one to answer this is. In my culture and country arranged marriages are rare.

You will no doubt be under the sort of pressure to marry that a middle class Englishman would know very little about.

However..you did ask so here goes.

I would do what you believe will give YOU the most happiness. Furthermore i would continue that method/criteria of deciding things into your old age.On every subject.

I would ignore any religion/dogma/tradition or convention.

Ultimately there all flawed and mostly man made.

The power is in yourself because Source dwells there. Source wants your joy, You want your joy. Get joy....and do and think whatever you have to to get it.



answered 30 Dec '10, 17:46

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

I do feel for you AVBhat. But none of us can tell you what is best for you, and I agree with Wandering Dude that you do know deep down what is right (it seems quite obvious from here although I appreciate I won't know the whole story).

I wish you all the best for making the best choice for you; just follow your heart and forget the 'shoulds'. All I know is that whenever I follow the shoulds and ignore my heart I regret it. Easy to say and not so easy to do I know.


answered 30 Dec '10, 19:13

aquamarine's gravatar image


Sounds like you've come to a fork in the road and you've got to choose a direction. One direction isn't better than the other but they'll both take you to different destinations.

I think you've got to ask yourself what destination you want. Imagine two scenarios a few years down the line - which will yield the most meaning in your life? We all purport to look for success and happiness in life when what we're really looking for is meaning.

As the others pointed out, I think you already know which route will hold the most meaning for you, but only you can make that decision. Don't ever compromise your true desires - you can still have a job and marriage. Maybe both aren't supposed to happen at the same time - take the route you know you're supposed to take now and I have a funny feeling that the other will follow in time - I have the distinct impression you're not over the hill yet.


answered 30 Dec '10, 23:19

Michaela's gravatar image


I maybe wrong but if you are questiong the marriage then I think you already know that it may not be for you. I was in a similar situation five years ago although not as heavy. I chose what I thought was love and I have to say although it wasnt one of my finer choices(putting it mildly!) I certainly would not be the person I am now without choosing the wrong choice! What im trying to say is that if you put it out there, the universe (I believe) will most definately lead on the right path eventually. But for your immediate future, listen to your own questions, how would you answer if it was someone else asking? If your looking in from the outside, what would be your first instinctive answer to the person asking? I wish you all the luck!!! xxx


answered 02 Jan '11, 21:16

Mile3%201's gravatar image

Mile3 1

you make your choice and i do not see why it could not be for you to have both choice at the same time who say you can't do both? is someone trying to imposse some choice on you and for what reason? are those reason valid? and once you make the choice can you be sure you will not regret it what ever the outcome knowing that you took the best choice you could have made?


answered 27 May '11, 04:14

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

i think you are more interested in the job than marriage. you dont believe in arranged marriage!. take the job and the marriage will follow you. but have faith! Best of Luck.


answered 15 Aug '11, 11:43

FZ's gravatar image


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