I've heard it said many times that we attract people into our lives who are our "vibrational match". I consider myself a kind and fairly nice person. If this is true, why then is it that I seem to "attract" unkind and hurtful people to me? How does one "attract" people into one's life anyway? Is it that they somehow turn up or rather that one chooses to allow them to stick around?

asked 02 Sep '11, 21:38

Inner%20Beauty's gravatar image

Inner Beauty

edited 18 Oct '12, 12:28

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

This is a good and common question. Law of Attraction says like attracts like. However, I find that many people mis-understand this extremely blank definition (expanded upon in the Secret).

A better way I have just recently learned, is the philosophy of The Mirror (just another way or perceiving law of attraction). What is it? Mirroring is this: whatever you experience in the world is just a reflection of thoughts, beliefs and emotions inside of you. And this concept can be hard to swallow for some, as, you have asked, why is it that good-hearted people interact with idiots?

The Mirror of life never, ever lies. It's just the rules.

So here is an exercise you can do. List 3 of the biggest things you HATE about your mother. Now do the same for your father. These 6 qualities, somewhere, you have shown to the world or yourself. For example, let's say you hate somebody because they always complained.

"Have YOU ever, in your life, complained about something, whether it was yourself, somebody or something else, or even if it was just chatter inside your head?"- you won't be capable of honeslty answering a YES to this question.

Now, sit down on a chair. Raise both of your arms to the roof, as if you were surrendering. Because that's what you're going to do- surrender that quality to the universe. Now whilst you raise your hands, say this, "Thankyou for showing me that I am a person that complains. From this moment forwards, I will never be a complaining person again."

Something magical has happened- you have just washed away that negative quality. There are biomechanics and metaphysics behind what I've revealed, but I wont go into them unless someone asks.

I guaruntee you this- a promise- you will never, ever, EVER, meet or experience a complaining person/situation in your life EVER again UNLESS YOU START COMPLAINING yourself.

Surrender all negative qualities. Lying, honesty and abuse are perhaps the most difficult.

Hope this helps :)


answered 03 Sep '11, 09:35

Nikulas's gravatar image


Thanks so much! Tried it and it feels better just having done it...

(03 Sep '11, 21:07) Inner Beauty

We live in a universe of vibrating energy, so vibration is the underlying reality. Like energy vibrations attract unto themselves, thus only people who are vibrating at a similar frequency can enter your reality. To change the reflection you are getting from the Universal mirror of your life it’s necessary to change your vibrational frequency.

However, the thing to remember is that as a thinking entity it's your beliefs that control your vibration and thus what you attract into and as your reality. Therefore, to change your life, including all the people who are a part of your reality, it's necessary to redefine your beliefs concerning how reality is for you and then to change your belief about how you want your reality to be.

Understanding how reality is created in this way is extremely self-empowering. Because any time you realize that you're experiencing a reality you don't prefer, you know that all you have to do is change your definition of reality and believe in it 100% and then your new definition of reality will manifest as your life experience.

Thus, if there is currently a person or persons in your life right now and you don't prefer the experience you're having with them: a) you understand that you brought them into your life through your beliefs (you take responsibility) and b) you understand that you have full power to change any and all circumstances by changing your beliefs.

So the thing to do is define (be clear about) what kind of life you'd prefer to be living and what kind of people you'd prefer to have in your life. Once you've defined your new reality, you have to do your best to believe in that reality 100%, believe that it will manifest as your new reality; that's all you have to do. Of course, if you’re not clear and you doubt (disbelieve) or you oscillate between believing and doubting then the change may take a long time and you may be in for a bumpy ride.

Sometimes it can be difficult to identify which of our beliefs attracted our current reality to us. In that case, simply look at your current circumstances and ask: what would I need to believe is true in order for this version of reality to be for me? Once you’ve identified the belief(s) that created (through vibrational attraction) your current circumstantial reality, it’ll be easier to redefine and change your beliefs.

The thing that helped me the most with understanding deliberate reality creation is that there’s no intrinsic, fundamental, inherent reality by which you can compare, gauge or judge the new reality that you want to experience with or by. When you realize this, then you will see that all beliefs and thus all versions of reality are valid and true; the only question is what kind of reality do you prefer?

There are other elements to consider, such as imagination, feeling and action etcetera, but the bottom line is without some kind of belief there’d be no reality.


answered 03 Sep '11, 10:09

Eddie's gravatar image



Thank you so much for your very thorough response.

(03 Sep '11, 21:13) Inner Beauty

Great answer Eddie.

(04 Sep '11, 18:44) Paulina 1

It is amazing how many woman especialy attract their opposite. There is a saying that opposites attract when it comes to romantic relationships. You will likly see many timid people with a strong and outspoken partner.

How come does that happen when a good person attracts someone who is anything but good and a bad person attracts someone almost angelic in that they will tolorate a lot of abuse.

Like Wade said you need to learn something from this person at this moment in time. You are most probably wondering what on earth could one learn from such a person so I'm giving an example below.

Lets just say that a good kind and law abiding woman is married to a brash, agresive and uncompassionate man. What could she posibly learn from him?

She could learn to be less timid, to stand up for herself and not allow bulling. She could learn how important it is to stand on her own two feet and be financialy independant. She could learn how grateful she should be that she has a loving compassionete nature. She could learn patience for she will surely need it. There are many more things she could learn I'm sure.

Her husband needed her to teach him compassion, patience and loving kindness so as you can see they need to learn from each other. Where she will become more asertive he will become more compassionate or at least they should do so if they learned their lesson.

Learn the lessons that life is teaching you and you wont have to go through them again. If you keep attracting the same situation in life that's when you know there is something you missed and didnt learn from and life will give you the same lessons only more intense (worse) each time.

As for the Law Of Attraction and atracting a good partner in life only think of what you want in a partner and not what you dont want. Keep uour focus on good, kind men and try not to think things like "I dont want a man that drinks" or "I dont want a man that is agressive" for if you keep your focus there that is exactly what you will attract.

Hope this helps some.


answered 03 Sep '11, 04:47

Paulina%201's gravatar image

Paulina 1

Thanks so much Paulina. I'm going to try hard to learn the lesson this time, as I don't want to have another more intense!

(03 Sep '11, 21:10) Inner Beauty

Oh, dear...Now it is my turn to respond to this question, and of course, I have a completely (feminine) unique point of view than Wade...I freaked out at his linear, male assessment of our relationship. He saw himself as my teacher, which is partially true...but was completely true as Wade saw it. After pointing out the many, many ways in which we complement each other, and have helped each other to grow (and which did require another application of the proverbial 2 x 4 to his skull...along with intense discussion), I have come to the conclusion that we attracted each other vibrationally because we each saw in the other both needs and strengths- ying and yang, his spiritual strength pulling me out of living hell, and my utter and complete strength of will attracting him and pulling him out of a desperately lonely and socially empty life.

The truth is that if you are a nice person, but you attract only negative people, what I believe you are doing is feeling deep down that you must constantly prove to yourself that you are nice...which is totally unnecessary! If you are truly nice, then you must decide that such testing is no longer necessary...you do not deserve to have to prove yourself anymore...

Back to Wade and I, as an example of like attracting like, the truth is that we both are really strong people, but in different areas, and these differences intrigue and test us- in truth, we are constantly pushing each other to grow, and at the same time, hanging onto each other for dear life, for growth can be scary,too. Wade might deny this to his dying day, but it is the truth of our relationship. At this time and place, we are vibrationally even and thus are together..despite our various faults and virtues, we still "Match". It is something I can just feel...perhaps that is just me being female, but I do believe that Wade has great pride in his spirituality, which hr deserves to feel. Being also a bit dissociative also means that Wade easily dismisses all the times he has learned from his "student". As I stated, a lively discussion happened after he posted his (ridiculous) answer, and he was forced to see that perhaps our relationship was much more give and take than he originally proposed. I am very proud of the fact that he amended his answer somewhat to include this new view of reality.

Thus goes vibrations and relationships...LOL!


answered 03 Sep '11, 04:51

Jaianniah's gravatar image


I have often found that if I want to learn something myself, I should try and teach it...because then I attract students who are happy to show me how little I really know :) So who's learning from who? ;)

(03 Sep '11, 09:22) Stingray

Yeah, really!!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(03 Sep '11, 14:17) Jaianniah

Thanks. Interesting point about not having to prove that you are nice.... maybe I don't believe that I really am as I do tend to have many self-doubts and perhaps I am over--compensating? Is that what you mean? – –

(03 Sep '11, 21:18) Inner Beauty

Absolutely! If you ARE nice, then you DESERVE niceness, not nastiness...Throw out all those people who are pushing you, and stick up for yourself in a fresh, new way...Put simply, do you really deserve such treatment? of course not!

(03 Sep '11, 23:06) Jaianniah
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

possibly may entail; that we are capable of receiving or identifying the level
we send at.
If what we send is that which we are capable of receiving, of like kind and quality,
should we attract or repell likes and opposites


answered 02 Sep '11, 22:54

fred's gravatar image


That is the correct vibrational match, for example I want to be a compassionate person.

Who would be the best vibrational match to my want to be compassionate, someone else compassionate or someone that needs compassion?

I want to be generous, would a better vibrational match be someone needy that never has enough or someone that also is generous?

I want to be nice, would a better vibrational match be someone else nice or someone that hates the world and thinks no one is nice?

What is it you are trying to learn, we attract who we need to learn from like Jai attracted me because she has many places she needs to grow that she is learning from me.

She tried to turn that around on me and say than I attracted her because I have something to learn too, but I said "oh no it doesn't work that way, she needs to learn from me." On the other hand she is pulling me out of my shell.

This just came to me, I had just remembered this "When the teacher is ready the student will appear."

Update Jai hit me over the head with the proverbial 2x4 yet again! She has taught me a lot, she listed everything to me! Then she used a quote from "My big fat Greek wedding", "Yes men are the head, but women are the neck. The neck can turn the head anyway she wants too." Talk about a blow to my male ego! lol Oh well yes it works both ways just in different ways for men and women so on the surface it seems they can't compare but they do.


answered 02 Sep '11, 23:17

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 03 Sep '11, 04:07

Good answer Wade but you are also learning from Jai for after all even teachers learn from students as well.

(03 Sep '11, 03:54) Paulina 1

Yes Jai pointed that out to me too, I see that now. lol :-D I'm am slowly understanding women that is another thing Jai is teaching me little by little.

(03 Sep '11, 04:09) Wade Casaldi

I'm happy for you both.

(03 Sep '11, 04:52) Paulina 1

Thank you for pointing out that we attract who we need to learn from. That's very helpful, but does it mean that those who have wonderful kind partners have less to learn than those of us who don't have such a partner in our lives. Since I haven't as yet attracted any wonderful man, does that mean I am much worse and have so much more to learn that those who have?

(03 Sep '11, 21:21) Inner Beauty

This is a complex set of questions. I think of masters like Brian Tracy, Joe Vitale, Bob Proctor, generally people that have "it all" and have to wonder do they have anything left to learn from? Maybe they do have much to learn from in other areas of living, it is hard to say for them. I know for me learning never stops and when I believe I have this all figured out then I find I have more to learn. However I believe as we learn we can move on to new lessons and not repeat old lessons over again. So in your case learn and continue upwards to better men you deserve.

(03 Sep '11, 23:17) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments
Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website

Related Questions