I'm in a marriage that I want to end. She doesn't want to end it. By "resisting" what I don't want (her as my wife) am I not also "attracting" more of the same (her as my wife)?

asked 20 May '10, 21:51

nate%205's gravatar image

nate 5

edited 20 May '10, 21:59

Stingray's gravatar image


Yes, you are attracting more of it by resisting it because by resisting anything your attention falls naturally on the thing you are resisting.

Not only that - but if you force an end to this marriage with this unhappiness regarding your present relationship dominating your consciousness, you are very likely to attract the same unhappiness in your next relationship.

You'll get people saying that this happens as punishment for you breaking up (that old misunderstood karma business again) but actually it happens because your vibration on a subject always remains in the same place that you last left it.

The solution that will actually end your marriage in the most pleasant way possible and also set you up for future happy relationships is a rather counter-intuitive one.

And that solution is this...

You have to find a way to feel okay about your marriage first.

(Check out The Focus Blocks Method if you need a way to do this)

And from that place of feeling okay about it within yourself, then if you choose to end it, you will be inspired to ways that result in it being a far less unpleasant outcome for all involved and it may even end amicably.

And there is even another possibility - though you may not think this way right now - if you do feel better about your marriage, you will be attracting different behavior from your wife and you may even think twice about whether to end it at all.

As with many of these situations, there's no right answer - it's your decision to make - but whatever decision you make, make it from a place of feeling centered within yourself.


answered 20 May '10, 22:14

Stingray's gravatar image


Feeling ok about something I do not want does seem very counterintuitive. And figuring out how makes it even more frustrating...feeling ok about it seems kinda like "you're married, deal with it" which is not the result I'm after...Could you please clarify? Thanks.

(27 May '10, 13:31) nate 5

@Nate - the idea is not to feel better so that you can stay in your marriage...it is to feel better so that your next relationship (should that be your marriage or not) is happier than this one. If you want more information, ask a new question and I'll elaborate

(27 May '10, 20:54) Stingray

You take your baggage with you when you leave.

This is what happens to many people. They leave a relationship because they think they're with the wrong person. That's fine. But it's more important to be the right person than it is to find the right person.

So you will do what you need to do, and I'm sure that you will have sound reasons for doing it. But it might be worthwhile to examine some of the emotional baggage you are personally carrying, and see if it might not be a good time to jettison some of that baggage.

Otherwise, your next relationship may be just like this one.


answered 20 May '10, 22:01

Vesuvius's gravatar image


edited 20 May '10, 22:27

It seems that you are very much considerate of what your wife is feeling and that you are not able to let go until she allows you to. You need to think about this some more and examine what it means to you. Why do you need her pemission? Is this maybe about you having more power in your relationship? And if so then maybe that is what you need to work on. Just a few thoughts for you to consider. Good luck.


answered 20 May '10, 23:00

Drham's gravatar image


It seems to me that (according to the law of attraction) that her wanting to still be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to her would attract more of the same for her also...you see the dilemma? It seems like a mutually abusive relationship for both of us...I don't want/she does want...sounds like a long and miserable relationship that will never end for either of us...

(21 May '10, 00:56) nate 5

And no, it's not sbout a power struggle...it's about me waking up to the fact that the whole reason I'm with her in the first place was for the wrong reasons(me making the best of a situation/putting what was best for me to the side because I felt sorry for her, etc.)

(21 May '10, 01:00) nate 5

Nate I'm in the exact same situation with my marriage. I think I stayed with her for the wrong reasons and even got involved becuase I felt sorry for her and wanted to rescue her. I still love her dearly but feel like I've given up everything that I enjoy to stay with her. We don't have very many things in common and have, over the past couple of years, being doing more things seperatly rather than together. I also feel like I have a leash on me and can't even do the things I enjoy without hurting her feelings or initiating an argument. I feel like if I tried to leave it would utterly destroy her and don't want that feeling of guilt to carry.


answered 21 Apr '11, 13:03

Larry's gravatar image


I want to end my marriage as well I don't hate my wife we just go round in circles fussing arguing being nice walking on eggshells just tolerating each other bu drifting apart. Have found someone else in the mean time and am prepared to leave no sure how to start as don't want to cause an argument to trigger it. Am prepared just to walk away as am totally fed up am as pleasant as I can be but my heart is elsewhere and just want to move on.


answered 12 May '11, 10:24

Steve%202's gravatar image

Steve 2

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