Since writing out my desire for a relationship and putting it in my manifestation box, I have enjoyed seeing many vibrational matches. They always feel great and unmistakable to me, and I've been loving it. I have had some success in manifesting other desires, and though I've had ups and downs, this has been a wonderful learning and growing experience for me.

More than 20 years ago, when I lived in a city about 15 miles from where I am now, I was in an abusive relationship. Physical, sexual, mental, and emotional abuse. It went on for two years before I finally got myself out of it. It has left some scars, but for the most part, I got free and never looked back. I really don't think about it, except when the subject of abuse comes up, and then it's only to feel glad that I know I will never go there again, that I know so much better now than to ever allow anything like that again, grateful that I survived. I haven't seen or heard from him in all this time.

Yesterday, on my way to get coffee, I saw him walking down my street. When I was on my way back home half an hour later, there he was again, walking down my street in the opposite direction.

What do you think of this?

asked 30 Jun '12, 21:29

Grace's gravatar image


edited 18 Oct '12, 12:25

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

There are no vibrational "mis-matches."

When you focus your consciousness upon an objective, such as getting into a new relationship, everything related to that focus within you also becomes activated.

So every "good" (according to your definitions) belief and corresponding evidence for it related to your desire becomes activated and it will have corresponding manifestations in your life.

But, so will every "bad" (according to your definitions) belief and all the corresponding evidence for that belief be activated and manifest in your life.

What I'm going to describe next and in the picture below (which isn't very good but hey it took me a couple minutes :P) isn't true at all, but it's a "convenient lie" to help you conceptualize.

alt text

Consider your desire/request the center of a big "web", which is greatly simplified above. It is in fact a "generator" and supplies energy through a grid to other thoughts (desires, beliefs, evidence for beliefs). When you focus on it, it is activated and then remains activated.

The "positive" is blue in the picture. They generate energy after having a "jump start" by your desire and supply their energy back to the desire. In this way, the help the desire to appear in your life. The "negative" are red and they drain the energy from the desire. In this way, they slow down your desired manifestation. Some of these have larger "pipelines" and thus constitute a bigger drain (or support) for the manifestation.

Soon enough, from your activated center point, the other points will have enough energy to manifest themselves in your life. Regardless of whether they are "good" or "bad" - when they have enough energy you will get vibrational MATCHES. They may not match your desire, but they do match what is within you and linked to that desire.

This is a good thing, because it means you DO NOT actually have to go digging around inside you to find out "hidden" limiting beliefs that prevent your manifestation, or worry that you will not "clear" all your issues. The way this works doesn't allow that, if it is prohibiting you in some way, it will manifest for you to see.

And you don't have to worry about missing it, if you miss it at first no problem - it'll just keep getting bigger and bigger for you until you see it. It will start as just a small feeling, then something small will happen like someone will say something that triggers the feeling or a memory. Still ignore it and something else might happen, with a much stronger say seeing or hearing about someone else being abused...and then being abused yourself.

Recognize what is in your sight, and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you. For there is nothing hidden which will not become manifest, nor buried that will not be raised.

So long as something is connected to the "grid" of your desire - it comes along for the ride in some form. It has to. Our feelings are our guidance system. But your feelings are also LIARS. They tell you that if you let go of fear, what you fear will happen. If you let go of guilt, you'll be a sociopath. If you let go of anger, people will walk all over you etc. When in fact, the very opposite is true.

As an example from a few months ago in my own life. I had something I DESPERATELY wanted out of, and after some time I made a very firm decision that I was going to get out of it. But when I told this to another, they "convinced" me to stick with it (through guilt tripping).

But because I made a very firm decision about what I HAD TO manifest. And it found a "crack" in me through which it could manifest; I had for almost a year an "odd" concern about becoming paralyzed which started when I watched one of the X-men movies. Needless to say, I didn't deal with any of these feelings and kept "putting them off". After exactly two weeks from making my decision, I broke my back and was told I had to remain on bed rest, because the doctors feared I could become paralyzed as one of my vertebrae was pressing my spinal canal. I also got out of what I wanted to get out of - and no one was going to try and guilt trip me for my reason.

It was not "an accident." I had plenty of warning signs. I even had an inkling of exactly what would happen. It was another very successful (blended) manifestation. :)

That's the sort of stuff that can happen if you have a very powerful desire, but also have stuff in you that you don't clean up - it comes along for the ride like I said. It has to.

You said you felt your "skin crawl" when you saw your ex. That means, something about him is DEFINITELY plugged into your grid. To get something unplugged from your grid, you have to genuinely let it go. Otherwise - it's along for the ride.

So my question to you is: Do you want your ex along for the ride in your new relationship? (metaphorically speaking)


answered 01 Jul '12, 02:57

Liam's gravatar image


edited 01 Jul '12, 03:02

@Liam, thank you for your answer. This makes sense to me, especially in realizing it is only my own judgement of what is good bad that made it a question in the first place. I'm clear on all you have said except the warning and advice! :p Your own story is a familiar one to me, I have experienced that sort of thing many times, and helps remind me pay attention and have more respect for myself and my feelings in the future.

(01 Jul '12, 12:20) Grace

Sorry to be so dense, but I'm not seeing how to apply it here? Do you mean that I am warned to never allow this again?

(01 Jul '12, 12:20) Grace

@Grace Sorry for not being so clear on that point. When these "things" come up, to remove them from your grid you simply have to not resist them. As Stingray and r0la said, you just notice it and then let it go. But you have to genuinely let it go - and you can tell that by how you feel. If you feel at all bad about it, you're resisting and it is "stuck in your vibrational craw" to take a phrase from Abraham.

(02 Jul '12, 00:03) Liam

But if you let it go, then it will feel neutral (or possibly good). At that point the issue is resolved, whatever it is - and it's not going to come along for the ride in the same form. These things resolve themselves naturally if you do not resist. For example, I have no fear of being paralyzed anymore - I did not have to dig around and clean up stuff in the past...the fear resolved itself by my accepting the situation completely.

(02 Jul '12, 00:12) Liam

So the basic process would be, focus on what you desire. Then when something "negative" comes up...acknowledge it, accept it completely and let it go. The test for if you've done this is how you feel.

(02 Jul '12, 00:14) Liam

Then go back to focusing on what you want. But you never have to be afraid, because even if you don't resolve it then, you get another chance. And you don't have to worry about being "too late", because EVERY negative event can be made good - and in fact the MOST "negative" events can be turned into your MOST "positive" experiences. So in fact, you could deliberately resist things for a long time on purpose, and then decide to let them go if you want a really amazing manifestation. :)

(02 Jul '12, 00:15) Liam

How you do that is really just as simple as intending to let it go. But you can use tools if you can't seem to quite manage it on that area (yet). Such as EFT, the sedona method, Effort Free Life system, focus blocks etc.

(02 Jul '12, 00:17) Liam

Thank you, @Liam. That one point alone about looking to how I feel about it is such a big lesson for me. I've thought all my life that my feelings are something to be ashamed of and dismiss, certainly never to be trusted or deferred to. Totally different kettle of fish. Thanks again for taking the time to clear this bit up for me :). I feel good about it all.

(02 Jul '12, 00:59) Grace

And I love the idea that I never have to be afraid, never have to worry about missing things or burying things. Or anythings. :)

(02 Jul '12, 01:07) Grace
showing 2 of 9 show 7 more comments

My perspective is that if it is not clear what an "event" means in your life then it means nothing at all...for now, at least.

I get interesting synchronicities happening in my life on a regular basis and I just treat them as casual "oh, look at that" type incidents, as you might do when driving somewhere and noticing some momentarily interesting sight or landmark along the way through the car window.

If there is something that your Higher Self wishes you to notice, the "message" will keep reappearing in your life in different ways until you finally get it. And, even given that, there's nothing to stop making you making a vibrational request for the Universe to clarify to you what the incident means if you really feel it means something.

Yes, you could mentally analyze the incident to death and start speculating that it might be an indication that past vibrational attitudes about relationships need cleaning up...but that seems like far too much hard work to me :)

It seems so much easier (and fun) to just do a casual "oh, look at that", let it all go and carry on enjoying the journey of your now life :)

The Universe always has backup plan after backup plan even if you do manage to miss something important :)


answered 01 Jul '12, 00:36

Stingray's gravatar image


@Stingray, thank you. I really wasn't getting myself into a state over the instance, it just seemed way too much of a coincidence to be coincidence, and possibly a facinating aspect of the process of deliberate manifesting that had never occured to me. I'd never seen such a thing discussed here. To me, it's kind of like seeing a new and interesting (though revolting) squashed bug on my windshield. :) I'm taking it that its fairly common? I wanna learn the mechanics of it.

(01 Jul '12, 09:54) Grace

@Grace - Yes, "coincidences" are fairly commonplace once you start deliberately offering thought. If you think about it, a "coincidence" is really just a vibrational match where you don't know what it matches yet :) At some level, there are no coincidences ever because everything is connected but I don't think those vibrational connections can always be observed from a physical perspective which is why I don't really concern myself with them if I can't see an obvious connection.

(01 Jul '12, 12:09) Stingray

If we deal with every past shadows that suddenly showed up when we are trying to manifest completely different opposite thing with: "oh, look at that", let it all go and carry on enjoying the journey of your now life :) I think life will ease and manifestation will be easier.

(01 Jul '12, 12:47) r0la

@r0la - Yes, well said :) As a light shines brighter, the shadows that were there before become much more obvious, and sometimes it just takes a brief acknowledgement of them followed by a letting-go of them to permanently lighten those dark places

(01 Jul '12, 12:53) Stingray

@Stingray and @r0la, thank you, I am hearing you. Stingray I know sometimes you wonder if I have holes in my head (me too). But I got it - briefly acknowledging, oh hello, goodbye!......

This lil light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! Oh this lil light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.... ;)

(01 Jul '12, 19:06) Grace

@Grace - Don't beat yourself up. I'm pretty sure no-one on this planet has more holes in the head than me :) If you knew how many years of stumbling around in the dark it took me to internalize many of these seemingly-obvious concepts in my own thick skull, you'd realize that you're very much on the fast track to understanding all these ideas :)

(01 Jul '12, 20:31) Stingray

Thank you Stingray.

(01 Jul '12, 22:41) Grace
showing 2 of 7 show 5 more comments

Be careful, first of all. I always think of stalking when I hear of these things...but don't be too worried...just be careful, okay?

I think it is a coincidence, more then likely. It may be that you are ready to see how far you have come, and how you have grown. I do not know; ask your heart.

Do not start any relationship with him. Just remember what was done. And be happy that you are free!

Rejoice! You are free!




answered 30 Jun '12, 21:41

Jaianniah's gravatar image


@Jaianniah, thank you, and I will be careful - I hadn't looked at it that way. There is no question of my even speaking to him, trust me. The sight of him made my skin crawl.

(30 Jun '12, 23:46) Grace

@Grace-This "Could" be a good sign Grace.I say could in Quotes because it's just a theory:)

As we start deliberately feeling good old emotions and repressed memories start to surface also.As everyone in our experience is energetically connected,for a short time this can cause us to attract people from our past into our reality for a short time as the old emotions are processing.Doesn't mean we have to interact with them. As I say Grace this could be a sign you are putting the past behind:)

It's a bit like when people start meditating for the first time.What people read into as pain from sitting can actually also be old repressed aches and pains from past injuries etc coming up to be released.

But I would totally take Stingrays advice and not read into this too much and treat it as part of the passing show.Focus on what you want.Keep it simple.Enjoy the Now moment:)


answered 01 Jul '12, 07:17

Satori's gravatar image


edited 01 Jul '12, 08:40


@Satori, thank you. I will be careful not to let this get me down or distract me from my healthy, happy focus. Large doses of Abraham-Hicks videos keep me on the right track, or yank me back if I'm having trouble these days. (Love them!) This seems interesting to me as a LOA lesson.

(01 Jul '12, 12:57) Grace

What you said about old aches and pains coming up to be healed when you start meditating has just started to happen to me. I used to meditate every day and loved it, but quit and left it all for so many years, I'm really starting from scratch again. I followed the advice you took from @Stingray recently about physical pain and applied it to myself, and that all showed me easily what a good thing it is when this happens, so thank you both for that also. :)

(01 Jul '12, 12:58) Grace

Now as you put my "ex sighting" in the same context, it makes perfect sense to me that this could be a very good thing as well.

(01 Jul '12, 12:58) Grace

@Grace-Plenty of fantastic answers here Grace and good on you for starting up the meditation again.Its a great thing.Hope your new romance finds you soon:)

(01 Jul '12, 16:29) Satori
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

It is a vibrational match and not a mis-vibrational one.

Today I came across Abraham quote on Facebook, which talks about default creating, which I am suffering rarely as I am working with my mind on manifesting something and only its opposite are shown, well there are good things that are manifested I am good in creating but this time I am stuck and anxious just a little a bit, back to Abraham, they said:

By Default, I Could Have Attracted Unwanted Relationships…

Many of the relationships or experiences you have attracted you would not have deliberately attracted if you had been doing it on purpose, but much of your attraction is not done by deliberate intent, but rather by default…It is important to understand that you get what you think about, whether you want it or not. And chronic thoughts about unwanted things invite, or ask for, matching experiences. The Law of Attraction makes it so.

The incident of seeing him passing is a good sign that your vibrational matches regarding relationships subject, your target your point of attraction are so high, that your higher mind is reacting manifesting and you are on the track you are there with your thoughts, and what is good is you manifested seeing him passed, he didn't talk, shout or come across you, he didn't abuse you and that means you are over this relation

But you might ask why I attracted re-seeing him and not meeting my new man and that because your thoughts are about getting a new relationship without abusing, still thinking about abusing so you saw him the one who abused you but as your old relationship partner so congratulation you are creating now move to next chapter of creating your big day of meeting your new man which will happen I guarantee. BUT now just thinking about my new relationship the good, healthy and that will make happy, no thoughts about abuse or even good thoughts no judgments or conditions I mean just a thinking about the relationship that is coming and will make me happen, not will (I don't use future phrase in my affirmations since it will be always there in the future) is making me happen.

The thing that when we are working on something new to create, its opposite or old opposite memories about it as in your case doesn't mean we are creating the opposite we are just creating the other active side of our thoughts and we shouldn't fight that just relax and deal to turning the image to its opposite our real target as we succeed on creating the negative then we will succeed on creating the positive.

Note that I am suffering the same regarding a manifestation related to business so what I like about IQ is that someone ask your question you cooperate open your mind and answer both of you, us :)


answered 01 Jul '12, 14:40

r0la's gravatar image


edited 02 Jul '12, 09:22

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

@r0la, thank you so much for your answer and your encouragement. I know what you mean about IQ, I love it here too. Another interesting thing is that I learn so much about myself just by getting up the nerve to ask the question, and by realizing what it was I was hoping to hear. I will take your advice and take this as a sign that I am doing extremely well, and think only happy, healthy thoughts. If you are experiencing the same things related to business, you are doing extremely well too! :)

(01 Jul '12, 17:45) Grace

I have never understood people being abusive in a relationship. I just don't get it, but I do know its very real and happens all the time. Know that such human beings have not evolved above their own excrement and they should further disappear into it. It just boils my blood. There's absolutely no justification for abuse. It shows the worst side of human psyche and should be treated with Zero tolerance.

Also know that its a way of the weak to forcefully project/take out their own shortcomings onto others, usually the people closest to them-spouse/partner.

You are brave you got out of it and you must feel empowered (yes, even after 20 years), don't dwell on it, but use this incidence to remind yourself of that breakthrough. I don't even think reconciliation should even be an option. There's history there, probably great, good, bad and ugly, but usually if I close a chapter in my life, I tear off the pages and burn them just so I cannot go back to it again. Self preservation. If at-all you are even thinking in that direction that is...

As for him showing up, treat it as an incidence, a coincidence. Be thankful that you noticed him rather than not notice him lurking around. Now you are aware.

It probably means that you have risen so much vibrationally that it is JUST serving its purpose of showing that to you (a sign in physical world, a proof so to speak). It's the last gasp, a final bye-bye before that whole issue is GONE from your life. You know how in movies, at the end, when the Villain is shot multiple times and falls into the lake, has submerged into the water, and we think the movie is over but just then the villain's hand will come up from the water. Aaah, he is not dead! but then it slowly goes under again. Now forever!...Something like that:)

Be careful, if you feel nervous in your gut or if this 'incidence' happens again, you should, in real life make a log/diary. Tell this to a co-worker, best friend from the same neighborhood, send yourself an email with as much details about you spotting him. His name, history, where and when, how many times etc....daily if you have to. Also send same thing to your phone via text/sms.

I don't mean to freak you out, these are common precautionary methods. I remember I used to do that when driving by myself out of town for a meeting, or on a blind date, concerts etc. (no shame in admitting, being a guy doesn't change the precautions)

I don't know how much weird you think of this incidence, but don't let it overtake your life. Keep us posted:)


answered 01 Jul '12, 00:06

Xoomaville's gravatar image


@Xoomaville, thank you so much for answering. Your post is a keeper, I will keep it for whenever this nasty subject manages to stir me. It warms my heart, thank you.

As I mentioned in my comment to @Stingray, for once I am not over-emotional about something :) It really is an interesting facet of manifesting that I'd never considered before. I won't pretend that its not a sore subject.

(01 Jul '12, 10:08) Grace

I couldn't stay up to chat with everyone last night, because soon after putting it in words I had to go throw up and then was just too drained and had to get to bed. Something about telling everyone that ugliness is just so... I can't come up with the word, sorry. Exposing? A little guilt and shame still there.

I really like your idea that this is some last gasp of the opposite side of my desire - the other end of the same stick? I'm sure someone has used that expession here somewhere...

(01 Jul '12, 10:18) Grace

As unpleasant as it was seeing this man's face again, I'm hoping that for some reason I am being shown the opposite of what I desire. Like somehow, as horrible as that was, the other end of the stick is how beautiful what is coming to me is? Badly put, I know, I hope it makes sense. I'm interested in learning why that should be, how it all works.

(01 Jul '12, 10:31) Grace

I do realize that I pretty much live with my head in the clouds, and had not thought of my safety till it was pointed out that in the real world, its something to keep in mind, and since I am always alone, I'd better keep my head up. Thank you for that advice too, I will be mindful.

(01 Jul '12, 10:35) Grace

@Grace, the incidence is the ugly end of the stick, the other end being how beautiful is that which is coming to you. I am not sure how exactly it works, but I could identify it as I have seen some negative things crop up in my life out of blue, since I have deliberated my desires. But my method is that I apply brute force, I bulldoze these outta my head, I really insult them by NOT PAYING any attention. Not many will agree with this method thinking that I may be suppressing some issues...

(01 Jul '12, 14:35) Xoomaville

...but, it really works for me. I say hello to them (recognize them) and I say goodbye (let go) to them, sometimes in same breath. Of course, you have to qualify for yourself if this can be done to ALL such negatives thoughts, but so far I am going with this method for all my negative thoughts. With great results. I am not interested in reaching the root cause of my every thought. I really am not. I don't care if its traced back to my childhood or some setback from my past...

(01 Jul '12, 14:40) Xoomaville

...or some unresolved issue...I really don't! As I said, I am consciously simplifying my life. See, when I came to IQ, after couple of days, something just clicked within me, deep within me. I understood that 'feeling good' all the time is really what life is. If it's not, I want mine to be!:) It clicked so majorly for me...'feeling good' that I became like a horse in the race, my eyes covered from sides, just looking AHEAD AT FEELING GOOD:) When you are doing that deliberately, for the...

(01 Jul '12, 14:44) Xoomaville

first time in your life, as I am, its a big change for your existing PSYCHE to adjust for it. It sort of goes into a shock or convulsions, that's where some negative incidences in physical World crop up. At least that's my theory if it makes sense. Even that, I don't over analyze, not interested in knowing how a fruit...a strawberry is grown, I want to eat it..and relish it and that's it:) See I am not even too familiar with LOA/Manifestation terminology...

(01 Jul '12, 14:49) Xoomaville

...that it takes me so long to explain my point:) I have to be very descriptive...I am sure someone like @Stingray could have explained you all of this in five words:)) As for you feeling 'exposed' by sharing your question, you don't have to feel that. I have told my entire real life story here on IQ...that's what this platform is for. here's a little secret, I really use IQ as my manifestation box:) through my questions, answers, comments, I really let my desire known, let go, release...

(01 Jul '12, 14:55) Xoomaville

...and see everyone else helping, guiding me to make it happen:)) Why do it alone? ...Okay, maybe not entirely true, but I think you know what I am saying:) Also, remember, no matter how far along you are on the spiritual path, the laws of physics apply to our physical bodies and so does the law of the land...there are still nasty people out there...with that in mind, it won't hurt to be aware of and take precautions...

(01 Jul '12, 15:01) Xoomaville

...YOU are on spiritual path, your ex is, maybe not! He may not see the Wolrd, the Life as beautiful as you do:) So be aware, Be positive, you'll do just fine

(01 Jul '12, 15:01) Xoomaville

Also keepers. Thank you, Xoomaville.

(01 Jul '12, 23:04) Grace
showing 2 of 12 show 10 more comments

I don't want to go into big explanations , just to say in my experience , if I "think' ergo focus about someone I haven't seen in a while , they either ring me or show up . There are no coincidences , we are attracting by our vibration/thought/feelings all day every day .

Wishing you love , light and happiness :-)


answered 01 Jul '12, 04:52

Starlight's gravatar image


@Starlight, thank you for your good wishes. :) I know what you mean, I have seen people show up suddenly when I think of them. This incidence raised questions for me because I have not thought of this man in many years.

(01 Jul '12, 12:26) Grace

Maybe you have unresolved issues from this relationship, or that attracted it, that you need to clean up before you embark on a new one. I wouldn't go digging, because you will always find more and more. I would examine your beliefs about yourself, relationships, men, that man that was abusive, your family, whatever beliefs you have that are attracting the kind of men who are abusive or that you don't want. Then work on changing your beliefs to support your highest good.


answered 01 Jul '12, 09:27

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

edited 01 Jul '12, 10:33

@Fairy Princess, thank you. I do wonder what it wil be like to embark on a new relationship after so many years. There is so much unknown to me, because the last time I really shared myself with another person, I was a different person altogether. Being a single mom, as you know, teaches you soooo much about yourself, what you can expect from other people, and how much of everything you can really handle.

(01 Jul '12, 14:20) Grace

I'm very hopeful, though. I am still always learning, but I do have 1,000 x more self- love now than I ever had before. That's got to count for something, right? :)

(01 Jul '12, 14:20) Grace

That does count for a lot. I am glad that you have 1,000x more self-love. But it is your beliefs that will attract your mate. If you believe that you don't deserve better, then guess what? So examine your beliefs and change the ones that don't serve your highest good.

(02 Jul '12, 08:47) Fairy Princess

@Fairy Princess, you are so right. I do, and I will, examine my beliefs to keep them clear of things that don't serve me. The self-love brought a lot more self-respect, which serves to show me that I do definitely deserve better.

(02 Jul '12, 13:55) Grace
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