I used to race motorcycles, with all the newbie over-the-top enjoyment! I went to all the races. I regularly came in third or fourth with a few higher wins. I went to every race in my Region. I loved racing and while I won a few trophies, the fun was in the riding. I did not keep track of points.
One day someone asked me how I was doing as far as accumulated points. I replied I did not have a clue. They said. are you kidding? You are in second place in this Region! I was very good, but not THAT good, in my mind, but I went to so many more races than anyone else.
My immediate response was, "Who is in first place?" My good friends Warren, was an ancient guy of 36! An old man to my then 25 yo self! And he was ahead of me!
Suddenly he was no longer my friend, he was the Competition! With only a few races left, I HAD to win every one of them and I would be in First place.He was a better rider, but I had a technologically superior motorcycle. We were evenly matched. Sometimes he won and sometimes I won. We no longer spoke to each other.
Ego? Smego! Whatever, there was no Joy.
I remember clearly -- we were racing, my motorcycle was not running like it should, Warren was pulling away from me. I thought to myself, "The only way I will win is if he falls, hard!" At that time I realized that I was NOT having fun, the Joy had been replaced by struggle. Warren had been a dear friend!
I quit the race. Put the motorcycle on the trailer and sold them both as a package. I attended the last races as a spectator and joyfully cheered Warren when he won. I revelled in his victories!
We became friends again. But in the last race of the season, he did fall hard, he survived but was never able to compete again. I was very sad for him, but felt good that when this incident happened, I was not thinking ill thoughts about him.
I got another motorcycle, but never 'competed' again.
Anything like this ever happen to you? What did you do to get back to Joy?
asked 10 Apr '12, 07:42
Kathleen Kelly ♦♦
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments
I love music. When I was in grade school and high school, we had competitions for solos and ensembles- if we, as a school, did well enough, we went to state competition.
I loved to play my viola, but I always freaked out in front of the audience. I never had private lessons- I was mostly self-taught- but I played very well when I was alone. It was when someone was watching that I seemed to "lose it"- I was terrified of flubbing it in front of people. I remember a vocal solo I had, and when my choral director came in to watch me, my heart went down to my toes, and I sang horribly.
So, obviously, competition is not my forte. I always felt great joy when I played alone, but when someone watched, I freaked out. I made a huge mistake when I went to college- I should have majored in music, but my "stage-fright" had me convinced that I could never play an instrument or sing in front of a crowd. I was so wrong. I did not know that I had to do this: transfer the joy to the stage!
My senior year in high school, I decided to tackle the Accolay Concerto (The link has Perlman playing- I am no Perlman!!! Just thought you'd like to hear it) for my solo. It had taken me a year to work up that piece, and I had even paid a friend to accompany me on piano for the competition. The room was empty up until the last minute- so I thought I would do okay. The judge was far away. So far, so good. Then, the entire rest of my orchestra came trooping into the door to cheer me on...GASP! I should have expected this (I was the President of the group.). But something inside me came forward- a fighter part of me I did not know was there. I played the Concerto...and I got a First! The kids clapped for me, and then I knew such Joy...such peace. I had done it, I had performed. But I still retained my fear that I would fail in front of audiences, so I went to college and was very unhappy- except in chorus and orchestra (Duh!).
Just this past Christmas, I wrote a song for our church. Our organist and Wade and I performed the piece. It was a Joy! I was never even nervous! So I guess I have out-grown that fear. I am so glad.
Now that the Joy is back, I have decided that I am going to try and get back to my piano-playing. Why not? It's just for me and God!
It's really all about Joy- in the end.
answered 10 Apr '12, 13:26
Good for you, @Jaianniah ! Playing Piano for you and God! He is always listening and loves you. The rest does not matter. Your connection with Him overcame your past stage fright. You became a pencil in His hands. You became one with Him. I hope that you pursue your joy in music, alone or in front of others!
(11 Apr '12, 05:01) Dollar Bill
Something similar was happening to me with girls. I hardly ever get impressed by any girl, and if I do, she's usually stunner. Which means there are tons of other guys who like such girl as well. I always became very jealous, out of insecurity of not being worthy enough. Always saw the other guys as competition. But there was no joy in living like that. It was a weird, anxious and sick feeling.
To compete out of joy of competing is what I do nowadays. Not to compete out of desire to win or prove that I'm better than anyone. I'm already the best, since every single moment (yes, even when I feel down and get drunk or depressed) I do the best I can, so nobody can top me and I cannot top anyone else. Which in other words mean, we are all equal and I don't care for winning. After all, there are only winners in this world.
And by the way, I ride a motorcycle too, to buy one was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
answered 12 Apr '12, 06:20
@CalonLan - Very good! When you see everyone as winners, as equals you are seeing them with Love, through the eyes of Source!!
(12 Apr '12, 09:31) Dollar Bill
I will take the example of one of the sports I love which is badminton. I love the game and I try and play once a week, in fact I went to play today and for the first time in weeks, I won 3 out of the 5 single games played. Usually, I just win the one or two games at the very most. But I did not feel very different from the times that I lost as they are always very competitive games and I enjoy them.
I love to compete and I do like it when I win but I have to admit I also love it when I know that there is someone that manages to beat me because that gives me the motivation and opportunity to improve. If I am already the best and I always win, then there is no motivation for me to get any better, from my perspective anyway.
This is where the real joy comes from when I compete, when I know I have a good opponent.
answered 06 Sep '12, 15:32
@Pink Diamond , Glad that you can keep the Joy in your badminton game! The Joy is what It is all about. If you don't have a Joyful Journey, you will not have a Joyful Destination. It is all one, long, continuous package.
When there is no Joy, stop and do something else.
(07 Sep '12, 08:24) Dollar Bill
Lately in my work, my fellow who I was training progressed in a noticeable way, occupying large attention which I was supporting (with little passing jealous) as she is polite with calm character.
Then she went proud and I was struggling with my vortex in and out, so I stopped being that supporter and went competitor.
I felt that when she will do mistakes I will return the best, note that her behavior turned my vibrating to that opposite way (Huh... so she is happy with her pride)
She did two mistakes with bad consequences on the job, I helped in fixing them, as her behavior stopped annoying me, she returned calm, I returned calm too inwardly quitting attracting bad conditions for both of us unconsciously.
*"The only way I will win is if he falls, hard!"*
In LOA world you have not to be competitor when there are enough for all, but when you are in a one competition with one prize and one first place, you should compete, how.
It is not about competition it is about those bad feelings, envy, jealousy and animosity.
Compete with the ideas of : When I work hard, I win, when I focus I am the best.
Compete yourself and the all fun of the world will create.
Sometimes my mind roam like a busy factory machine and I enjoy challenging and domesticate its bad commands.
Do not quit your race quit your mind attention on others and turned it on him!
So competition is enjoyably when the feelings are healthy.
answered 10 Apr '12, 12:39
@r0la I do not compete any more. I do not "work hard". If I find myself "working hard" I stop, because I feel that I am carrying the burden alone. Fighting the river, trying to swim upstream. When I float downstream, I win without competing.
(11 Apr '12, 05:12) Dollar Bill
i do not do what i hate. so i do not struggle or compete. i do what i like to do because i enjoy doing it. sometime i will do something i do not enjoy as much because i have to do it for another reason then i will try to enjoy it and learn from it. we all have things we are better at or enjoy more to do. if you compete and struggle then you have missed the point of the experience. one should not go in extremes extreme heat will burn you and extreme cold will also burn you. the middle path is always better. it brings less stress on you and you will live longuer. many look for the straigh and narrow road of truth but fee find it. experience and enjoy.
answered 10 Apr '12, 19:43
Hi Dollar Bill
I am not answering your question.
I just want to let you know that your experience is worthy of being much more that being just a question here.
Your story is wonderful and inspiring.
I think there is definitely a great movie here.
Considering that this is your own experience, I think you should definitely put it down in a story form and then expand it into a novel or a movie script.
As I read your question, I noticed that you have a natural gift for telling a story.
There are publishers out there that are interested in taking personal experiences such as yours and turning them into a commercially viable medium.
answered 10 Apr '12, 23:33
@Traveller - thank you for the post. Happy that my story was inspiring. This incident helped me truly focus on the importance of Joy. BTW I still won 2nd place in my Region. I still enjoy riding motorcycles. There is something about the one-ness with environment that I enjoy.
(11 Apr '12, 05:18) Dollar Bill
3 And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.
4 And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:
5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.
6 And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?
7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.
8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.
9 And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?
10 And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground.
11 And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand;
answered 11 Apr '12, 09:00
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Great Question, DBill!
dollar bill, my cycle license is active, though haven't ridden since 1972. had scrambled on sundays and 1/8 mile drags on saturdays. then went back to racing sailboats, when spilled your not rolling into the ground but the water slowly slows you down, just need to keep your head above it, no pebbeles to tweezer out of your plams just warm or cold water depending on the time of year. if i race it is against myself for the most efficient use of the wind