I just wonders myself - every time I start doing something the first thing that comes in my mind is suspicion and doubt about the success of the event to be carried upon - and when it involves other people as well, I feel so pessimistic about the success of the event. I know that they are not big deal to carried upon - and even small effort can be more than enough to achieve, my feeling toward the successful execution is always suspicious!!!!!!! Is it limiting belief?? or just negative belief?? How can I come out of this??

asked 28 May '12, 02:04

ZDCobran's gravatar image


edited 28 May '12, 02:23

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


What are you trying to protect?

The answer to that question will tell you why you fear, worry and doubt. What are you being protective of. Because right now you seem to be on that side of scale. The other side would be about curiosity, openness and excitement. Following on finding the answer, understand that it makes no sense to protect anything, because there are no securities, only opportunities in life.

(28 May '12, 05:25) CalonLan

@CalonLan, this is a great answer. You hit it right on the nose.

(13 Jun '12, 16:19) Grace
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Hi ZD, I used to be like that many years ago.

I am by no means an expert at this but thought I'll give it a try here...

This is how I overcame it and maybe it'll be helpful for you. First of all I convinced myself it is okay if I had these doubts/pessimism as my 'first thought'. I accepted it. I called it my conditioning without labeling it (it just is) and moved on. I let them pass through me. For example: Just because the road I am driving on has heavy traffic doesn't mean my goal for reaching home changes, so I would let the thoughts of broken A.C in my car, low on gas, FM playing bad songs (all negative in this example) pass and eventually I would start thinking how great it'd be to take a hot shower once home, maybe order in my favorite food, watch that sports game on TV (all positive) and soon enough the traffic would 'seem' to be moving faster.

I think by doing this, I make all the 'unwanted thoughts 'irrelevant'. It does not mean they do not occur to me, just that I know they are not part of the equation. Like adding a zero(s) to a sum.

Our mind is a chatter-box, thousands of thoughts are running at a time, some of them not even identifiable by our own self at that moment. It just is. What makes some people seem okay with it (calmer, more 'composed' etc.) is because...they are okay with it. Meditation helps a lot and it becomes easier to bring focus faster.

As a side note, I'd like to add following which maybe further useful for over-all strategy.

There is no right or wrong, there is no 'limiting belief' there is no optimism/pessimism. These are labels we put on things (mostly understandably)but don't let them weigh you down. I believe it to be so, so it is for me. I actually keep reminding myself of a dialogue from a film:'you can't bend the spoon. That's impossible. Only try to realize the truth. That there is no spoon.' I have come to believe that outside of my mind/heart everything...everything, is what we call physical/external/material and that includes my body, my spouse, my parents...everything. That means, I only have to nurture my mind/heart and everything else falls in place. Let me be clear here, this does not mean that I disregard/dismiss other people and their rights. The laws of this physical World still applies and so does the law of the land where I reside. I respect those. This enables me to be a better me in the least stressful way.

Further it gives me a feeling of 'liberation' and it's an awesome feeling to carry all day along. I have shed my anger, my frustrations, my negative thinking in this manner to a high degree of success! It also helped me 'simplify' my life from the thoughts/beliefs gathered from earlier phase of my life. Now it is okay if I don't own a Ferrari as for me I am thankful for the Honda I drive...because there is no Ferrari and/or Honda:)

Hope this helps.


answered 28 May '12, 02:51

Xoomaville's gravatar image


Hi @Xoomaville, I like your answer! :) It totally makes sense to me, except the dialogue! Could you explain that a bit further? Also, does it have anything to do with the last line - "...because there is no Ferrari and/or Honda:)"

These 2 points don't seem to get across for me? Can you elaborate! Thanks :))

(28 May '12, 06:31) MagicalUniverse

Thank you :) 'Beginning in the end in mind' - but still my situation is different in the sense that I don't feel the challenges on my way to goal; but just think imagine myself failed to be at goal!!

(28 May '12, 11:49) ZDCobran

Thank you @MagicalUniverse :) I am putting this in answer section as I feel the two points raised by MagicalUniverse needs to be addressed properly. And also, realized that I tend to write long posts:)

The spoon bending dialogue basically tells two things: (a) This physical World is an illusion. There is no spoon - the spoon exists only in illusion , which really means it doesn't exist as a physical object. Manipulating the World (meaning bringing about your desires) isn't about focusing on an object and trying to change it (attract it even). The object doesn't exist, so I have to change myself. Metaphorically, it's all in my head - I have to look inside to exact any control, to bring about even the smallest change. Let me give you specific example: Way, way back...there was no Ferrari right? I mean before it was designed and manufactured there was no Ferrari! So it did not exist then, it may not exist again, say in 300 years. SO it is existing when you and me are living in this physical World (our life time). That is so transitory! Same thing applies to Honda or any other physical thing. It is all transitory! So if I consider and love my Honda as if it is MY FERRARI, there is not a single soul on this planet who can convince me otherwise. (Note: The question of which is better/good has been rendered irrelevant) Technically, for all practical purposes I converted my Honda into MY Ferrari sitting at home in my boxers. With my thinking!

This is also called as living in gratitude. I changed myself so that the spoon (its existence and bending it) doesn't exist. It comforts me to know that all I have to do is bring upon a change in my thinking and I can do anything. Anything! More so because I believe that's all there is to it. Why do I believe that? Because I want it to be that easy that's why (ref: MY Ferrari analogy) and because I believe it, it comes true and in circle it goes. And when it doesn't, I move on. Why, because...

...our own existence here is transitory, so it is already in a sense, a toy-train moving on a real train. Going from point A to B. (Elaborated in point b)

Physical reality is lust, Maya, illusion, non-permanent, attachment. And realities change rapidly. My 6 year old nephew doesn't even know what VHS tape format is. I grew up watching stuff on VHS. That's his reality. Him and myself, we both co-exist in the now with our truths. Apart from his and my thoughts, everything else is going to change tangibly. Transitory.

As it relates to original question, I for myself decided that the if the 'first thought' that comes to my mind is of negative nature, I don't consider it negative or pessimist or counter productive. These are language labels right? It sounds more naive than profound and maybe it is, but it works for me. With time even these thoughts become my 'friends', they are no longer on the opposing team:) I have nullified them. Because, I have come to believe in the larger scheme of life (beyond the spoon doesn't exist)

(b) There are say 6 billion or so human beings on this planet now. Before us, at least 6 billion came and are gone! And many billions will come (hopefully:) and the human race will thrive. That's lots of people.

But really what are we doing here? Forget the human race, what am I doing here? It seems I am running in circles, chasing things, trying to make 'life'. I acquire one thing (material and non-material like love, happiness etc.) but then I find myself wanting something else or more of what I have. Some of them are even needs. After I get them, more things crop up. I can count the number of days I truly, honestly felt happy and I have had a jolly-good, care-free life! Most of the days, I feel good, I feel blessed, I take it a day at a time and don't go to sleep angry or with extensive worries.

That's a good deal right? It is for me! But it took me a while to look at it from that perspective and little more time to accept it. But once I did, It almost felt like I am looking down to myself from 50,000 ft. From there I could see that if today was a shitty day, there is tomorrow. I found myself DETACHED with everything and everyone.

I went through a very bad phase in my life- the kind for which people use phrases like 'rock-bottom' 'point of no return' 'done with'. That was mere two years ago. Today I don't feel any of that. This is where I got the breakthrough about detachment. I realized what used to give me pleasure or put mojo in me is a big burden on me after some time. Like the number of days I truly/honestly felt happy were few, they also passed. Transitory again. Everything is transitory. Good, bad, ugly. Everything is transitory.

So I asked, what would make me happy and allow me to stay happy? Then, do I really want to be happy? What would I do all day if I was in happy zone all the time? FOR ME-AND I AM ONLY TALKING ABOUT MYSELF HERE- I would be bored! And I don't want to be bored! Doesn't mean being happy is bad. I just removed that label. It is a state of mind after-all! So I removed seeking happiness from my goal. Believe me, this further liberated me! Let me clarify, I was not trying to be 'not-happy', I was only not consciously chasing it. Yeah, suddenly I felt that little rose in that garden, taste of fruits, the sun. But yeah, they were there again. I didn't make a 'poetic big deal' about them. I could even make a sour fruit taste sweet because I kept telling myself it is sweet. Sounds stupid right? But I actually did this on many occasions, because I knew sour or sweet my mouth will be normal again (transitory). I became okay with everything, I mean everything.

This didn't sound like any book/material which mostly tells you to live life passionately, full of happiness, content, full-filled etc. I was okay with that as well. I was okay with no-expectations, no-outcomes, outcomes either-way and any other combination of outcomes for everything I was doing/thinking. Some would say this is what 'Let Go and let God' is, but at the time I didn't even say/ask for that. I had not even known about 'let go and let God' at the time.

NOTE: Please read the following with context in mind. I am sharing here what I believe in metaphysically and am NOT suggesting any means to come to those beliefs.

At one point I detached myself so much that I was okay with dying. But then I thought, if I am okay with dying, let me be okay with living. Let me live till I reach point B (natural death), my birth being Point A.

Now, if I am going to go from point A to point B, like say a road trip, I might as well have fun and enjoy it. Regardless of how it pans out, I am detached from it as is. In this context, I am a real train going from point A to B and everything that I desire/want/need in this trip is in itself transitory (VHS, Ferrari, Honda, my good-bad phase) so all these things are like a toy-train on a real train.

Once I so called cracked this thought and embraced it, I found myself kinder, gentler, tolerant, less angry and all the good stuff. I don't sweat the small stuff. And its all small stuff in the larger context.

Admittedly, this takes some work and continuous time investment and one must understand that one should not aim to perpetually exist like that. There's so much to see, so much to eat (different cuisines), so much to love, so much to learn, so much to do whatever right? I mean if God/Universe has given you the keys to the Ferrari (sorry with the Ferrari analogy again and again. And no, I am not obsessed with it. Just wanted a continuous example for this post :)) might as well, crank up the A/C, put on the music, fill up the tank and take the longest route possible. But be okay with it as well if it doesn't work out that way. You might discover many things, including yourself:)

I am not a saint or some evolved being and I do have ambitions that are going to be fulfilled soon. . In fact, I am new to this and there is certain naivete to my approach and I am aware of it. In fact, I would want to be a little naive. It shows faith and it works for me. I do my morning affirmations for my 'asks' and my night meditation of 'thank-you's'. I do my manifestation box and that's it.

If I am going to go from point A to point B (simplified in the crude way:) I am going to take the least resistible road, pick-up low-hanging fruits, enjoy whatever scenery comes my way:) And this really works for me.

Oh man, I feel nervous posting this(I know, this too shall pass) and hope you guys get something out of this as I enjoyed putting my thoughts into words.

Thank you all who make this wonderful platform possible:)

(28 May '12, 13:43) Xoomaville

you might want to look to see if you feel fear of unknown, meaning you cannot visualize winning (as opposed to failing) at the goal. Swimmers who compete at International meet do extensive visualization (an accepted practice) of winning the gold medal. Most of them initially have trouble visualizing it. It takes time. I would just not focus (meaning make an issue) of it and keep focusing on favorable outcome at goal. It sounds brutish but it can be a work-around:)

(28 May '12, 13:57) Xoomaville

Wow! That was brilliant! Not only because of the answer you provided, but also because it sounded more like you were reading my mind! I mean, it was as if, for a moment, I was looking into a mirror! Dunno, sounds weird, but I guess, that's how I felt while reading this...

Yeah, at last I got the spoon analogy and the Ferrari one, actually made things clear! Nicely put and thanks for taking the time to answer this! I appreciate that! :))

(28 May '12, 14:11) MagicalUniverse

Thanks for your complimentary reply. It makes me feel good. In fact, writing down those thoughts brought further clarity in my own thinking. So if it identified with you and you with it, run with it:) It's all Universe' plan. Right place, right question, right response:) So there....all positive:)

(28 May '12, 14:40) Xoomaville

Yeah, True! :)

(28 May '12, 14:44) MagicalUniverse

@Xoomaville, welcome to IQ. Please only answer once per question and please only use the answers section for direct answers to the original question. Remember that IQ is a Q&A site rather than a discussion forum. If you wish to add further lengthy information, please edit your existing answer, otherwise use the comments section. I've converted your second answer into a comment but you can merge it yourself into your existing answer if you wish. Thanks

(28 May '12, 16:22) Barry Allen ♦♦

Got it...thanks @Barry Allen:)

(29 May '12, 00:07) Xoomaville

Loved this answer.

(29 May '12, 01:51) Paulina 1
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