I am a graduate student. I was harassed continuously by a very influential senior professor when I started there. He wanted to kick me out and I fought with all my abilities for three years, at the end of which it all got too nasty and I had to finally leave. It was an intensely political experience and I as a poor student and academic mind was not prepared for this. I went through many traumatic experiences.
With the help of two helpful faculty members, I was able to shift to a much better place in a foreign country. Now two years have passed. Still, the old memories haunt me and I am not able to trust people or talk to them. I survived, but the memory of the trauma is killing me, though I still have a chance.
This is obstructing my research. I am unable to concentrate well. This will ruin my career. Please help with advice.
I am uneasily hovering around the domain of "agnostic/atheist" but with great respect for the principles of religions. This should not influence your response; but just saying.
I do not know whether this is the appropriate forum. But it seems a very human and compassionate thing to help someone get out of a trauma. I hope you guys the seekers of inner meaning will give me a few clues.
Thank you very much.
asked 03 Jun '10, 20:26
Barry Allen ♦♦
You have family all around you, A G...thanks for trusting others enough to ask for help!
When you think about the past, do you focus on the injustice? Do you feel like a victim? If so, your thoughts on the subject will have to be adjusted. There are so many different personalities in this world, so please don't think you are alone in your situation. There have been so many times in my life when I would think, 'why is this happening to me? I am a good person, and I do my best to follow the Golden Rule, so what's the deal?'
I would sometimes catch myself thinking that I cause others to want to abuse me because of how I look or my quiet personality, but eventually I got over myself! :) I am not going to be everyone's favorite person, and neither are you. You won't always win your battles against the injustices in your life, but that doesn't mean they aren't always worth fighting!
Also, when you think about this person that you had the 'falling out' with, do you ever see yourself forgiving him? Is there any possible way (without him groveling on his knees and begging for forgiveness) that you can see yourself talking to him amicably? If so, practice talking to him! Just the thoughts of forgiveness can make you feel soooo much better, trust me!
Who knows, you may even get the chance one day to face this person again and forgive him face-to-face. He doesn't have to suddenly become your friend, but at least you were able to let that pain of yours go! Let your situation from the past help you better prepare yourself when you run into it again, because the more you face people when they disagree with you, the easier it will be.
answered 03 Jun '10, 22:01
Thank you Christina. This helps a lot. What shook me was how much support this senior professor was getting. I quarreled with many of my otherwise close friends, when they told me that the professor was justified in trying to remove me. My friendships were lost. A social life was lost. It even affected romantic life and connections to family was lost for a while, as I focused on the academic politics. I haven't yet got a chance to talk to this person again. Maybe one day perhaps; but as of now I am too bitter about the "evil" people. One day I should go back to my country and be more normal...
(04 Jun '10, 16:23) A G
Often when something traumatic happens in our lives, our psyche tends to hold on to it and we often relive the event over and over in our minds which causes us to become stuck in the past and is detrimental to the normal growth and expansion we should be experiencing.
We then look to blame those who have hurt us and,in so doing, end up playing the role of victim. However, when we hold on to resentment we are in fact only hurting ourselves and causing our energy to become blocked instead of flowing freely.
As Christina pointed out forgiveness is a key factor in moving on. Forgiving is merely letting go of what happened and does not have to entail physically meeting and forgiving the person. By forgiving and letting go you are then able to free up that trapped energy and move on with your life.
I have even found, from personal experience, that I have even been able to come to a place of empathy for those whom I held resentment because there comes a realization that the perpetrator is not happy and is probably living their own private hell to be able to hurt another human being in that way.
Hope this helps and you are able to move on and learn to trust again.
answered 04 Jun '10, 00:45
Thanks Micheala. This helps a lot. Thank you very much. Even hearing sympathetic words help a lot, after facing the hostility of a whole department in which I spent some time of my life. I wanted to have a look at internet forums which might help out people like me. I am suspicious that this forum may be not the best one, though there are kind people like you. For example I tried to ask at the stackexchange site for my subject; but the question was quickly criticized as "off-topic". So if people have objections I don't want to be troublesome and look elsewhere.
(04 Jun '10, 17:12) A G
You're very welcome.I think the intention behind this site is to help people with spiritual and self growth so I think you're pretty safe asking any such related questions here.
(05 Jun '10, 01:39) Michaela
EMDR is a type of therapy that treats trauma. It is the only type of therapy that has been effective in treating my own trauma. You should check it out. It radically changed my life (and I mean what I say.) WHen it does work for people, IT REALLY WORKS. EMDR.com (started by Francine Shapiro) I live in the United States and have found several therapists who werw willing to do it on a sliding-scale basis (since I couldn't afford full fees.) Keep asking..the universe has an answer for you...many times, we have to try different things until we find out what works for us. You are not alone..praying for you..also, as I recommended on my last post, try writing about the incident with your non-dominant hand (take a pen and just start writing with your non-dominant hand without thinking before you begin writing)...this always HELPS ME..it will help you get to your unconscious stuff! Also, the law of attraction (check out Esther Hicks, The Secret..google law of attraction, visual imagery, etc...) continues to change my life..it is absoulely amazing...I truly believe we attract everything we do into our lives..and everything happens for a reason..I can guarantee if you remain open-minded, one day you will look back on your experience and understand why this incident happened..and feel better for it as a result!
answered 04 Jun '10, 06:58
This might help a lot. The difficulty is that I live in Germany and barely manage to speak the language. The local psychotherapists might really not know English very well. Especially for things like psychotherapy, it makes a lot of difference when the communication is in a language both can understand, isn't it? Do you know some online forums which might help me out? This will at least help me on the language barrier.
(04 Jun '10, 16:28) A G
Hey, for one, you could email them at EMDR.com and ask them if they know of any English speaking therapists who perform EMDR in Germany...many times they have referal therapists they know from probably different places in the world (there is a place on their site where you can email them and they are very good at getting back to you.) Do you plan to stay in Germany? Hmm, I do not know of any online forums..I ran across one that I believe is called PTSD forum (or something)...it looks like a great site...they're strict to protect their members so you can't start posting right away..just a th
(09 Jun '10, 08:21) manifesteasily
just a thought...other than that...i say..ask the universe? do you pray? if not, the Law of Attraction says you can offer your intention out loud and if you practice allowing your answer, I CAN GUARANTEE IT WILL COME (GERMANY OR NOT) in fact, i have found God has a hilarious sense of humor..when and only when i let go of my resistance, He always has a more abundant plan than i could have imagined (even if it's living in Germnay) maybe God (or whatever you believe in) has you in Germany so you can heal and come back to wherever you are from to be more successful than ever!!! these things
(09 Jun '10, 08:24) manifesteasily
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