Without extra means such as therapy, revenge, etc., why does a person suffer so much in the memory of some evil that happened? Why is it so hard to let go? Why are the healing hands of time not as effective and fast as it should be?

As I mentioned in some other question, I am thinking of some traumatic experience and harboring thoughts of revenge for the last two years and I find it very hard to let go. Hence the question.

asked 09 Jun '10, 22:19

A%20G's gravatar image


There are a number of reasons why trauma recovery can take a long time:

  1. In all trauma, there is a sense of loss, that a part of you has died. Were this not true, there would be no loss, and therefore no reason to feel pain.

  2. It is socially acceptable to have a certain period of grieving over something that is lost. Would you think less of someone whose spouse had died if they began dating the next day? How about the next week?

  3. It is hard to let go of that sense of loss, to rediscover that you are still whole.

  4. Grief, anger and depression can be a form of attention-seeking behavior. Consoling a person in grief or anger can, in some cases, prolong the grief or anger.

  5. All significant trauma and loss requires that a person change, and change can be difficult.


answered 09 Jun '10, 23:53

Vesuvius's gravatar image


Trauma recovery takes so long because as human beings we like to hold on to the past in our minds and we keep playing those old records over and over.

As kids we are sometimes taught or conditioned to play the role of victim and as such we often tend to do a very good job in that leading role. Hence, when something traumatic happens our ego sometimes views it as a self - fulfilling prophecy and relishes playing that role of victim and as such feels justified staying stuck in that past traumatic experience.

This again is not to minimize those awful experiences that as human beings we sometimes have, but rather to create awareness, to that part of our being that sometimes keeps us stuck and continuously reliving that traumatic event.

As Vesuvius pointed out there is a natural process we must go through to move past the trauma. But, unfortunately a lot of people spend their whole life letting the traumatic event dictate the course of their life. When we begin to wake up to this fact, we begin to take back our own power and realize past events only have power if we give it to them.

It is often hard to let go because we have been taught to do otherwise. We can sometimes feel as though there is an internal war going on between our ego and our Higher self. The more aware we become and try to just witness this, as opposed to feeding negative thoughts to the ego or buying into the drama, the quicker we will recover and be able to let go of those thoughts of revenge.


answered 10 Jun '10, 18:23

Michaela's gravatar image


edited 10 Jun '10, 18:29

From my experience, a significant amount of trauma, especially trauma that happens repeatedly over a long period of time, can cause permanent changes in a persons brain structure (ie; brain damage) If not recognized, this change can leave the survivor feeling unable to cope with and process the feelings that come with the repeated brains misfiring.


answered 12 Feb '12, 09:46

Shansone's gravatar image


@Shansone - interesting comments, however i like to think that due to trauma over a long period of time a different brain structure is established leading to a different way of coping, in much the same way that education brings effects, rather than "brain damage" leading to the"brains misfiring", although i admit this may happen in certain individuals who have experienced intense war time trauma for example.

(12 Feb '12, 10:14) blubird two

It can be very difficult to let go of some feelings/past experiences, etc if you don't have the right tools for that.

I invite you to research EFT, BSFF and The Sedona Method. In your case I would start with EFT to release some of the energy charge, and then start working with the other two. I have seen first hand really miraculous things happen in just 2 or 3 days of even a little bit of work or even with just one session!! (especially with EFT and BSFF). This has happened regarding all types of things, traumas, anger, phobias, etc, most of them things that were being carried for a whole lifetime.

Hope you find it useful, if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. Cheers.


answered 12 Feb '12, 10:44

Kriegerd's gravatar image


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