There have been many times in my life that I felt really good, only to be confronted with evidence that I was engaging in self-delusion. One example would be comparing myself to others. During the last ten years, Justin Bieber went from poverty in Canada to superstar status; I on the other hand, more or less went backwards. I might tell myself "It's okay that things haven't worked out yet because they will" but then I look at how another person is living and see that in the same time frame, they had a much richer life experience (and no, the person doesn't have to be Justin Bieber). And then I look at aging and the ticking clock. And I cannot believe that God loves me, I cannot believe I am safe and free in the universe. All the arguments proposed for why I should believe sound like empty rationalizations, delusional excuses. If I am the creator of my reality, I must really suck at it. If I am worthy of a good life, why don't I have one? This feeling that my choices are to either embrace an ugly truth or hide in a beautiful lie makes me extremely angry and frustrated.

asked 27 Mar '13, 00:07

flowsurfer's gravatar image


edited 27 Mar '13, 00:24

Life's good by default. Even a bad life is good if only good at being bad. Truth is ugly and the biggest lie, but lies are beautiful after all, strange uh? Can you see why? Believes are put where there's lack of understanding. For what is obvious needs not to be believed in. What a show and way to go.

The whole world is built on lies and pretentiousness and delusional beliefs, so why not give in.

"I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to. And if I stop lying, I'd disappoint you"

(27 Mar '13, 02:45) CalonLan

@CalonLan The words "belief" and "understanding" mean the same thing.

(27 Mar '13, 02:49) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer when you see blue sky, you understand it's blue. When you're blind, all you can do is believe.

Anything you believe only indicate your blindness in that matter.

(27 Mar '13, 03:55) CalonLan

@CalonLan A belief or understanding is the perception of a spatial-temporal context; meaning it is a map. When you see blue sky, you see blue sky. Understanding the sky is blue is a belief, it means you perceive the continuity of that blue across time and space. The sky is not blue, your experience of the sky at that moment is blue. The sky is blue, grey, black, orange, red or just about any color depending on circumstances. If you are blind, you can understand that others see the sky as blue.

(27 Mar '13, 04:03) flowsurfer

@CalonLan The distinction you are making between understanding and belief is based on the practice of using the word "belief" as something you mold by willpower and choice, while "understanding" as something you mold by experience, analysis and synthesis. The actual thing the words are referring to is the exact same thing though.

(27 Mar '13, 04:11) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer, understading as in beyond your sensory perception. The sky's not blue, it's colorless, just like life is meaningless, and everything in it is pointless. haha. Beliefs are lies. But then again it's more fun to be "blind"...what else you'd have all your sense for, than to play with them. Let them lead you to fallacy so you enjoy the trickery they create. A wonderful life, really <3 I love these schemes, lies and stuff.

(27 Mar '13, 04:22) CalonLan

calonlan, and you are here by chance then and the remaining holder of the gnosis?

(27 Mar '13, 07:07) fred

@fred, I'm just consequence of certain causes. lol. Chance dont' exist. But if you're asking what lead me here. Then my insecurities and fears I had, what else. ;)

(27 Mar '13, 08:36) CalonLan
showing 0 of 8 show 8 more comments

Hi.. I feel the anxiety you are experiencing. I feel the comparing of yourself to others experiences is not of any concern to your life experience. It will only keep this anxiety going.. Start looking at what is good within you. Even if its the simple-est thing. Start loving you, start appreciating some things you take for granted. Be thankful, & acknowledge as much as you can these good things as being an extension of you. I recommend, "Ask and it is Given" by Esther & Jerry Hicks, Chapt 22 list the 22 levels on the Emotional Scale, & at the top is Joy, & at the bottom is fear. Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real. Our thoughts with feelings create whatever we focus our attention on. Start focusing on the goodness, joy, love, & be supportive of yourself. You are worthy of having whatever it is you wish for. Let go of the inner chatter that is not supportive of your wishes. These are just old programs. Be awake to your true birthright. You are a conscious creator, not a programmed robot. You can shift your energy (thought) to a higher frequency anytime. Be supportive of yourself, & be easy on yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. We are each a reflection of our thoughts (energy) Be the person inside you, that you want to see outside. The Law Of Attraction always mirrors back our feelings. Follow your BLISS, & keep Joy always.. with love :) Tommy


answered 27 Mar '13, 06:58

Tommy106's gravatar image


edited 27 Mar '13, 07:01

This is a good answer Tommy106! I believe all together we all have been giving flowsurfer different pieces of the same puzzle.

(27 Mar '13, 08:40) Wade Casaldi

@Wade yes, this is a very good answer. Voting up. All of this has been said to flow many times. For what ever reason, he cannot hear us. The same goes for all the books - he's not ready yet; so the words are meaningless.

(27 Mar '13, 17:47) ele

First of all, the past does not matter. It doesn't exist anymore. It is gone.

So what you have to work with is what you have right NOW, this NOW, this MOMENT, and that may not be so bad. It is when you keep looking back that you get discouraged. Quit that! Work from NOW. Work from TODAY! Think and breathe positivity. Choose the think the high thoughts deliberately, with purpose. Choose everything carefully in regards to your thinking, for you are creating your new reality.

Be your own God, your own creator, and start creating what you want. And quit comparing. Who cares about the Bieber? I sure do not. He is a flash in the pan as far as I am concerned. He is like Froot Loops for the ears. Who wants that? Be YOU. Be happy, be proud, and look up instead of down.

Re-read my Nine Steps to Manifesting Happiness in Your Life. It might give you something to work with.

Read good stuff. Re-read your favorite person on IQ's questions and answers. Do something more than just being down.

Good luck and Love,



answered 27 Mar '13, 01:59

Jaianniah's gravatar image


I'm sorry but that did not help.

(27 Mar '13, 02:10) flowsurfer

@flow-I am sorry it did not help. I meant well. I care about you. You seem down today.

(27 Mar '13, 02:14) Jaianniah

Loving the Fruit Loops for the ears , an interesting perspective Jai, think I'll steal it , have you an opposing musical analogy ;-)

(27 Mar '13, 04:04) Starlight

Fruit Loops is good enough to steal..

(27 Mar '13, 04:15) ele

I don't blame any of you for not having the answers. You are just human beings, probably as lost as I am. It's God's job to make me feel safe, loved and free, only he can do it; regardless of what or who God is. I try to reach out because I feel abandoned by him but you can't fulfill his role.

(27 Mar '13, 04:54) flowsurfer

"God's job?" my a$$! Pardon my French & French people pardon my remark.

(27 Mar '13, 04:59) ele

It's ok @ele, I know you don't understand. I love you anyway.

(27 Mar '13, 05:02) flowsurfer

Do you wish to enlighten me? How is it God's job? Thanks, I love you too.

(27 Mar '13, 05:09) ele

This is not a discussion @ele and I don't know what to tell you.

(27 Mar '13, 05:22) flowsurfer

Fair enough. I have absolutely NO clue where you ever got that idea. Peace

(27 Mar '13, 05:27) ele

@flowsurfer Do you believe in the word of God? Check out Philippians 4:19 That is God's word to you, but you must know, feel and believe it fully. It is by our faith that we are found.

Jai and I will pray for you, God is here for you, he is not out there someplace.

(27 Mar '13, 08:49) Wade Casaldi

@Jai- Nice answer. It certainly helped me right now

(27 Mar '13, 09:37) Nikulas

@Nik-Thanks! I needed this! I am glad it helped you. Love you, Jai

(27 Mar '13, 10:51) Jaianniah
showing 2 of 13 show 11 more comments

Okay let's compare your life to Justin Bieber for a moment....

I am sure he did not get where he is by sheer luck. Someone didn't just look at him one day and ask him to give a concert. It must have taken a lot of effort, maybe much trial and error plus training. Probably quite a lot of no's before he got one yes.

Have you been putting the same effort toward your success as he did toward his? We can't really compare ourselves to another unless we have put the same effort into ourselves. But there is more, have you believed in your ability as much as he had believed in his? Have you pursued your ambition with as much passion as he has his? Have you felt like you will not accept failure as an option as he must have felt working on his success?

If you can answer yes to all of these then I could understand why you compared yourself to him.


answered 27 Mar '13, 02:57

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 27 Mar '13, 03:01

@Wade Casaldi Justin Bieber was a random example. I do not want to be like Justin Bieber or know much about his life; a better "celebrity" example would be Sean O'Pry. There are also non-celebrity examples of people around me.

(27 Mar '13, 03:24) flowsurfer

@Wade Casaldi I -want- to just put in the effort and get the result but where do I put that effort? I can't just work my way into the person I want to be. I've tried. It only made me keenly aware of how little power I have.

(27 Mar '13, 03:31) flowsurfer

My point is we can not compare ourselves to anyone unless we put the same effort, have the same drive, dedicate the same amount of time, have the same persistency as they do.

(27 Mar '13, 03:37) Wade Casaldi

@Wade Casaldi I heard your point but it means nothing and it doesn't make me feel more loved; on one level, it just gives me the sense that life is a complicated struggle, that I am deeply unsafe in it. On another, it gives me the sense that life is unfair, that I am fundamentally unloved because some people get advantages without the struggle, such as being taller, or having wealthy parents, or being born in the United States.

(27 Mar '13, 03:43) flowsurfer

@Wade Casaldi If success in life was simply a matter of doing things right, if the past really didn't matter, I wouldn't feel this way. But it very clearly is NOT a matter of doing certain things to get a certain result; unless those things are so deeply hidden that people randomly do, or not do them, by accident.

(27 Mar '13, 03:48) flowsurfer

And @Wade don't forget thoughts part in all of this :-)

(27 Mar '13, 04:07) Starlight

@Wade Jai ele advantage - Born in the USA.

Isn't the Bieb short @flow lol!

(27 Mar '13, 04:11) ele

@flow advantages? You said it yourself, the Bieb is Canadian not born in the USA. He's not tall; he's shorter than you. His mom is a single parent & not wealthy. If I recall correctly he got his start as a you tube phenom. Geez!~

(27 Mar '13, 04:50) ele

@ele You are focusing on specifics to avoid the meaning of what I was trying to say. Even then, Bieber is said to be 5'7 (170cm); I am 5'6 at best. Bieber is also still a teenager and therefore will almost certainly grow further. Being a canadian is not that far from being an american; when I wanted to go to Disney as a child, I was denied a visa, he wasn't. Somehow, my brother who happens to have a different father who was more supportive than mine, got to go. My mother is a single parent too.

(27 Mar '13, 05:49) flowsurfer

@flow - I didn't fact check - I thought he looked shorter than his gf. I have no idea if he's still a teen or not. I will take your word. Well, I live in the USA & when I was a child my parents could not afford to give me a trip to Disney Land. Aren't you in Latin America? Where exactly if you don't mind me asking. ETA Meaning escapes me - everything is meaningless till you put your personal spin on it.

(27 Mar '13, 06:00) ele

@ele My brother was going because his father could afford to take him; my father could not. This is why I didn't get the visa. However on a later occasion when I was older and found a way to get to the United States, I was outright denied the right to do so.

(27 Mar '13, 06:11) flowsurfer

@flow You can't get a visa of any type? Well there all all kinds of illegals in the middle of nowhere; hence the great ethnic food. They won't eat American fare. ETA In fact, ice raids are quite common.

(27 Mar '13, 06:40) ele

@flowsurfer we create or own experiences. If I am believing that I am not safe then I will feel fear and resonate fearful things.

This fear will pull me towards what I am resonating with. So if I believe that the world is unsafe, then that will be my experience. What we place in our thought becomes our experiences.

Avatar has a story of a man that asks if there is something to fear. The guide responds "Yes." The man runs away, the guide responds, "The reason to fear has just left."

(27 Mar '13, 19:01) Wade Casaldi

@WadeCasaldi , very nicely put :-)

(27 Mar '13, 20:30) Starlight
showing 2 of 14 show 12 more comments

Hi..I've been getting emails about updates from this site for awhile and I have really appreciated the feedback others have given and didn't' really feel that I had anything to offer, any wisdom...but... I just couldn't pass this honest, heart searching question by without acknowledging the question, and the asker.
What a time to be living in- when we are given so many tools and possibilities, yet we still are feeling so limited by our pasts and stuck in our present conditions and neural networks!
at this moment I'm not feeling the awful feelings you describe, but many times I am. I just really empathize with the struggle of wanting to believe in myself and in the good in life.....and many times being convinced I was on a great path and totally optimistic and happy- and again and again, turns out I was self deluded. I have found it to be scary because maybe I just can't trust my own self and what can I possibly do? What good can come to me if I dont know whats good in the first place?
Anyway my only hope now, honestly, is that I do not know. I did not create myself. Idk if this jives with the overall intention of this page, but honestly, God created me, so thats what sustains me and is teaching me as I allow myself to be open and willing and humble. I honestly think asking these painful, horrifying, isolating type of questions and feeling it is a good thing...........its worse when we are self delusional and not acknowledging the underlying anxiety and lostness.
So........God knows. I believe we are the children of the universe. all on differing pathways so this might not ring true for you, but find what does, ease the suffering of others and yourself, just a little at a time.....maybe things will make sense in a little while.
The whole thing about reflecting on the past- maybe with that in mind, look at some happy memories of the past, see how you've made small steps and those small steps have brought better experiences, people, and opportunities too you, and maybe you have more light in your eyes than you did before? And I hope in time you have even more.


answered 02 Apr '13, 16:44

Corrie's gravatar image


edited 02 Apr '13, 17:18

ursixx's gravatar image


@Corrie Good to see You, thanks for sharing and great answer too!

(02 Apr '13, 17:19) ursixx
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