I met my friend a year ago this week. We went out and had such fun, instantly. Within a few days we were inseparable.
Over the course of weeks and months (and a few beers) we profess our love for each other. I eventually speak of my desire for a relationship and he replies “I think you’re amazing. I can’t imagine my life without you, but I’m not ready”.
We continue to be the best of friends and he eventually moves in with me. The relationship is coming (he’s healing from past trauma) but we don’t have any intimacy/ sex. We talked about it once and he said that he only has casual sex and he couldn’t have casual sex with me because we have feelings for each other. He says he has to work very hard not to “mess us up”. I know he has experienced some past trauma that he hasn’t released but I do know he loves me. Should I work on my releasing my resistance more, or is it a question of not being a vibrational match (until further notice). I truly believe he wants to be with me. But he’s not motivated to do the work at this time. Why can’t I just enjoy the moments, then maybe the sex would come? Thanks
asked 06 Aug '19, 22:12
The best strategy is to always keep yourself in good-feeling alignment regardless of external conditions, and then allow things to play out.
If your "partner" responds positively to your good feelings, he'll have to match your vibration to do so and your relationship will improve.
If your feeling good makes him even more distant and withdrawn, it may well be that he's not a vibrational match to you, for now at least, and that in order to be around him, you'll have to sacrifice your feeling-good alignment which is never a good idea.
What might be making you feel resistance is that you might be hoping that this is some kind of ultimate relationship for you.
If that is the case then it might soften your resistance a bit to view this relationship as just a vibrational match on the route to something better.
If in softening that resistance, the relationship then morphs into something more like what you want it to be then that's a bonus. But even if not, with that lighter attitude, you are still setting yourself up in the ideal vibrational stance to allow in something better.
answered 07 Aug '19, 03:07
I don't know why, but your posting brought to mind a relationship that I had a long time ago.
I got into a relationship with "Rick", and we got along really well except for one area: he was really messed up about sex. I was patient and supportive; but things with him were just always a bit "off" with him. I was ready for a physical relationship, and.he seemed to be ready, too. But he kept putting off mixed signals.
We decided to get engaged on my birthday, and he even told me to go ahead with the cute engagement ceremony my all-girls' dorm held to announce engagement. But on my birthday, I happened to finish class early, and caught him necking with a girl across the hall from me. (This sounds so completely silly to me now! LOL) I broke off from him, but I was totally devastated. That's when some of the people we were friends with broke it to me: "Rick" was gay, and had a reputation for using girls as a front because he didn't want his weight-lifting, football-playing, macho guy friends to know he was gay. I never had any problems with homosexuality, but I did and do have trouble with people who lie to me in a relationship.
So I am wondering if your friend might have more going on in his head than you know. I agree with Stingray; perhaps your friend is just a stepping stone to a better relationship with someone else. I wonder if he is being honest with you about things.
answered 09 Aug '19, 09:07
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