I'm trying to find meaning in my life.

My situation is that everything for the last 3 years has been going wrong for me. 3 years ago, i got married, nothing went as planned--everything went wrong/my wedding was a disaster.

Then, I was working on a huge project, believed with passion I'd achieve it, had everything lined up perfectly and, everything went wrong and I lost everything I put into it. I could go on and on---i mean even when my daughter was born, things didn't go as planned (she's ok though)...it's like I've had a hard time these last 3 years and i'm so bummed out.

I'm trying to look into a higher purpose or meaning to this. Any insights much appreciated.

asked 16 Jun '11, 16:20

Ana's gravatar image


edited 17 Jun '11, 05:52

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Cheers Ana, sounds like a great show. I'll have a drink for you tonight.

(07 Mar '13, 04:08) CalonLan
showing 0 of 1 show 1 more comments

Nothing ever goes as planned
It's a hell of a notion
Even Pharaohs turn to sand
Like a drop in the ocean

Sorry, couldn't resist the Styx reference.

Seriously, God laughs while we make plans. Life is more about choosing to be happy in each moment aand learning from our experiences, than it is about things going exactly as planned.

Think about it. Wouldn't you rather enjoy the entire journey, instead of a few fleeting moments of satisfaction when everything goes right?


answered 16 Jun '11, 17:52

Vesuvius's gravatar image


I would like to thank you guys for your answers! I'm going to take it to heart and really meditate on each answer. Thanks again!

(16 Jun '11, 19:19) Ana

btw, you are so right about the plans we make--i'm going to concentrate more on staying on the journey--not necessarily knowing exactly how to get there;-)

(16 Jun '11, 19:21) Ana

I'm not going to say anything about why? I would recommend this however, What has happened in the last three years that you are happy about? What are you grateful for? What do you want? Change your mental scenery about the last three years make it small and black and white, then remember a time everything went great and get to that place and feeling when you were feeling at your peak emotion of happiness, victory, etc.

Now switch the mental sceneries. Everytime you catch yourself thinking about the negative, make the mental scenery small and black&white, and then switch it with the positive, colorful, big mental scenery.

In The Spirit Of Happiness, I Am RPuls, Make it a Great Day


answered 16 Jun '11, 17:27

RPuls's gravatar image


I would like to thank you guys for your answers! I'm going to take it to heart and really meditate on each answer. Thanks again!

(16 Jun '11, 19:19) Ana

I am the most optimistic person you could meet, yet my life has been an absolute disaster for about 15 years. Every year it gets way beyond worse. Every day I believe something good will happen and it just keeps getting worse. There seems no rhyme or reason. I'm happy in my heart but my life is the biggest uphill battle just to put food on the table. I keep losing work, my car breaks down, my child is unwell and can't even attend school, I got divorced 2 years after marrying - he is abusive and won't financially support my child, I went bankrupt, we've moved 10 times in 8 years. Been driven out of our home area due to skyrocketing rents. Don't have any family support. I never go out because I have nobody to look after my child and I can't afford a sitter. We never go to see shows, we don't have holidays, my child has never been on a plane. She has massive anxiety and now depression. 3 years ago I got an amazing job but I was severely bullied and I'm as tough as nails. I was pushed out and made redundant. Started a business, the 4 th one I've started. They all failed and so is this one. We are about to have to move again to cheaper accommodation. Child has had to move schools 6 times. I have an IQ of a genius and 3 university degrees. I've applied for about 100 jobs and no luck. I believe your life is mapped out for you and if you are destined to have a crap life that is what you will have. It makes no difference how hard you work, how smart you are or how optimistic you are or how high your values are or how much you love and care for others. I have no more lessons to learn. I truly believe that. Life is just ridiculous just for the sake of it. The movie Forrest Gump is a great portrayal of this philosophy.


answered 22 Sep '12, 10:48

Angel's gravatar image


@Angel - Welcome to IQ.

I feel for you. I was a single mom, (my son is grown and on his own now) and I know how it is; I don't think there is anything quite like it for feeling alone, working hard, getting nowhere, and agonizing over what you can and can not provide for your child, and I have nothing like the qualifications you do.

I still struggle at the moment myself to get by, but I have come a long, long way recently, and my life has improved at least 100% since coming to IQ...

(22 Sep '12, 14:28) Grace

...so I feel like I'd be untrue to all the people I've learned from here if I didn't say what I'm seeing in your post. This is said with the utmost respect and concern for your well being, and that of your child. So here's what I see:

(22 Sep '12, 14:28) Grace

I believe your life is mapped out for you...

It makes no difference how hard you work, how smart you are or how optimistic you are or how high your values are or how much you love and care for others...

I have no more lessons to learn. I truly believe that.

It isn't your degrees, Angel, or your IQ. It's not the applications or the rat of an ex-husband, it's not the lack of family support or holidays - all of which, btw, we have in common. It's the beliefs....

(22 Sep '12, 14:28) Grace

...I don't know how much you have read on this site, but let me suggest, please keep reading. Try searching anything under the tag "belief-change". You will find so much to go on to get those core, negative, limiting beliefs changed. If you give it the smallest, repeated effort, it will pay off for you in big ways. Also anything under the tag "meditation", I especially recommend the Abraham-Hicks meditations, because they are so easy and quick, and because they have worked for me personally..

(22 Sep '12, 14:29) Grace

You don't have to do everything suggested here, just pick a few things that seem good to you, and keep at it. Life will change for the better. :)

(22 Sep '12, 14:29) Grace

Thank you for your care and concern Grace. These are not beliefs. They are conclusions. Never would I have thought I would come to these as it's not how I was raised at all. I was always under the impression that you make your own luck and that a positive attitude will help. I'm positive beyond what most of my friends can believe after the things that have happened. I have always led my life as if what you are saying is true. But after 15 years of it, I'm just tired of trying and when you keep trying to take responsibility for things you don't have any control over you just end up feeling bad about yourself. My parents are very wealthy and have a luxury home looking over the coast. They have helped a little more recently but I feel like a never ending pitt of need. My friends can't believe the bad luck I have and they know it's really unfair because they know how hard I work and that I'm a truly good person and that I'm always happy and positive. I even help them a lot with problems etc. Most don't know how I continue without falling in a heap. But I know I never will. I have very little to be happy about in my life because virtually everything has gone wrong since about 1994 but I manage to find joy in the most basic things like having a cup of tea, doing grocery shopping...because it means I've got the money for it and opening up my blinds because I like looking outside my window and feeling lucky to be in a home and a lovely suburb. These are my daily thoughts and mantras. I'm very spiritual and I'm actually psychic to the point where I can do readings for people by looking at photos or holding their jewellery.

(22 Sep '12, 21:40) Angel

So what I'm saying here is that my story is evidence that it doesn't always work. I'm living proof. But thanks for your messages and I'm very pleased things are now better for you.

(22 Sep '12, 21:46) Angel

It's really not me so much that all this affects because i have very few needs. It's my daughter and I can't stand to see her suffering. She is highly intellectually and profoundly musically gifted and needs interventions at school. Schools havent helped her. Raising a gifted child is as expensive as raising one with disabilities yet there's no funding or support. I can't pay for what she needs and it truly breaks my heart. She is so bored and at present she is not attending school and so I can't get a job now. She wants to attend a school next year that costs $25,000 per year. Anyway the list of issues goes on and on and as for solutions there really aren't any for us and that is the issue... Accepting that there are no solutions and whatever you try will not work and usually only makes things worse. The universe says 'how dare you try to change what I have set out for you'. I'm sick of battling it. If we are to live in a dumpster then so be it. I'll just go with the flow myself but I'm not sure how my daughter will fare.

(22 Sep '12, 22:05) Angel
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments

Hello Ana

Yes, there is a hidden lesson ... Trust.

Here is what Jafree Ozwald says about trust;

When you are grateful for this very moment of your life, you fall into having a natural trust for your future. When you are trusting in the future of existence, great blessings will flow your way. The world around you may turn upside down, yet with trust you'll see that it is simply an entertaining play instead of a frightening nightmare. With trust you become so deeply rooted in existence that nothing can shake you. This trust allows you to leave your house, adventure out into the world and have new experiences with people that open your heart and fertilize your soul. It is only with trust that you can have enriching intimate relationships that open your heart to a higher purpose, mission and love. The more grateful you can be for what is here now, the easier trust rises within you. It is through trusting your future that you can see how devoted you are to your spiritual path and a master at practicing the art of letting go of control and going with the flow.


"Remember the emphasis on the heart, the mind lives in doubt and the heart lives in trust. When you trust, suddenly you become centered" - Osho


answered 19 Jan '13, 11:09

blubird%20two's gravatar image

blubird two

@supergirl @CalonLan Here's the answer & make sure you click on the link. @blu I meant to thank you the reminder - then you left - I guess I did too. "Somehow" you knew I needed to hear this at that moment. Thank you. Very much appreciated.

(07 Mar '13, 03:17) ele

@ele - pleased to know that you appreciate blubirds' efforts, yes trust is the key :)

(07 Mar '13, 03:20) ru bis

@ele Note to self - never assume. @ru bis - I thought blu knew how much I appreciated him. If you ever see him around - give a big hug from me. You're right @Starlight words of appreciation are much better than any karma vote. I'm right too; there is NO need for votes when we all have voices.

(07 Mar '13, 03:59) ele

@ele - blu has gone to heaven, next time i contact him i'll pass on the big hug from you ... lol

(07 Mar '13, 04:10) ru bis

@ru bis -- blu deserved so much more; a proper IQ sendoff - he could have had a whole tread devoted to the best of blu.

(07 Mar '13, 04:19) ele

@ ele- thank u.., this answer is actually vry mch appreciated. whr is blue bird? i miss him on IQ. his answers are really amazing, appreciable n having loads of info in it.

(07 Mar '13, 05:54) supergirl

Acknowledged @ele ;-)

(07 Mar '13, 07:00) Starlight

@Starlight Thanks! out of sync - my fault. I'm not following IQ. Had a couple windows open & prob responded to your emails out of order. As you can see, I just responded to ru bis's comment on the wrong thread. Too busy to even refresh windows.. Us simple minded women should stick together.. @supergirl - blu still walks amongst us; but for me ??? Perhaps blu will reply to your question..

(07 Mar '13, 07:34) ele

Happy Women's day to the super and eloquent and delightful and graceful women of IQ @ele @supergirl @Starlight @Grace

(08 Mar '13, 19:58) ursixx

@ursixx I only opened this email a short while ago; otherwise I would have thanked you yesterday & prob called you a silver tongue devil. Smiling (actually laughing) & saying thank you. Now I feel like crap about the Sycophant joke. I'm not surprised you knew about IWD; it hits home with me too. You linked me with some amazing women leaders here - maybe someday. You're a charmer & genuine gem, my friend. Thanks!

(10 Mar '13, 04:13) ele

@ele * swoops in and smiles *

(10 Mar '13, 04:52) ursixx

@ursixx Yes, swoop! Like from above! lol! Guess my negative vibes were very powerful. Sorry to drag you into it. I never thought I ever needed anyone to protect me (from me); but it's nice to have a hero. Lesson - I can't take IQ or life w/o humor. I went a couple days w/o laughing . After the 1st day, I made a conscious choice to just go with it & see where it went or if there was a message there. Yes, I am an idiot. When I got up this morning after a restless sleep, I felt so depressed to

(10 Mar '13, 06:25) ele

to the point where if this experiment continued for one more day, I'd be seriously thinking about escaping to great beyond. I wish others could cure their issues as easily as I do. Laughter makes all the difference & like you, I laugh all the time - it's life altering. I actually know someone personally who was only expected to live a couple months who incorporated laughter, as did family members & this person is still alive today. In fact, this person is the one who turned me on to Sheldon.

(10 Mar '13, 06:26) ele

@Grace with your personality type; have you ever considered a laughing yoga class? I mean taking a class, not using a video. I love it. You'll meet some really great like minded people too. I think you would make a fantastic instructor also. If you haven't checked out the great link blu posted to this question, you should. It's worth a 2nd or 3rd look imo. ursixx - thanks for all the laughter you bring to IQ.

(10 Mar '13, 06:27) ele

"I wish others could cure their issues as easily as I do." That is an example of a positive affirmation & NOT an out & out lie. Laughter certainly helps.

(11 Mar '13, 03:52) ele

@blubirdtwo, thank you for a wonderful answer - I too needed to see this today as I've been losing faith a bit, thinking I would have been pregnant by now. The word fertilize in your answer - though used in a whole other context, wrapped itself around me like a warm blanket. Once again, thank you... all my love


(14 Mar '13, 14:38) MoonWillow

yes, uplifting ... thanks blubird, thanks jafree, thanks osho and a special thanks to the stars that pave the way

(14 Mar '13, 15:25) ru bis

@MoonWillow that's because blu is an intuitive botanist.

(16 Mar '13, 02:10) ele
showing 2 of 18 show 16 more comments

First off I am sorry to hear that you are in the midst of a perceived bad run. I think you can take at least two routes with this.

  1. You can take the perspective route, you can look at it from another view and its not so bad at all. Lets take the wedding. Was it just the wedding that was bad? Are you still married? If so thats great. As far as the birth, great to hear she's ok, that could have been way worse (but it was not). As you change perspectives you see also how bad things could have been and not how good they should have been.

  2. You can use this as a way to investigate what brought on these events so maybe in the future you can avoid them. When you decided to marry and have the wedding, were you ever feeling cohesion to do it a way you were not happy with. When 'things' went wrong was there a part of you that was not surprised because this whole thing did not feel natural? When I look back on events that did not fare well, I often see that the universe was giving me signs (usually physical by how my body feels) and signals as to which way to go. And when I fought it "stuff" went wrong. We all have guides that we can learn to tune into. These guides are also in the form of vibrations and energies. Listen to your body about how it feels of a thought pattern, it will lead you the way.

And congratulations! You asking what the meaning of this IS the meaning of this, enjoy your new adventure :)

Look to see if there is/was a pattern of events or ideas before these things happened.


answered 16 Jun '11, 17:29

you's gravatar image


I would like to thank you guys for your answers! I'm going to take it to heart and really meditate on each answer. Thanks again!

(16 Jun '11, 19:19) Ana

just to add--thanks for the exercise---i'm definitely going to look to see if there is a pattern.

(16 Jun '11, 19:24) Ana

I cannot gave you the answer but I can give you the tool.

We all know what is the purpose of good things in life. It is to let us feel happiness and the beauty of life. But do you know what is the purpose of all the bad things that happen to us? The same! But the happiness and beauty will not come unless the lessons are learned. The bad that teaches us often is very harsh, but ultimately wishes the best for us. The more lessons we learn, the more stable our happiness becomes. Sometimes the trials are very hard to pass and require us to undergo "spiritual death" - suffer and lose something old, like an old life, to gain something new, be reborn in a way. In the end, when there are no more lessons to be learned, there will be only happiness, pure bliss. For everyone, every single person on this planet. When I am sad, I often reflect on this thought - in the end, everyone will be happy beyond limits.


answered 16 Jun '11, 19:08

Asklepios's gravatar image


edited 16 Jun '11, 19:13

I would like to thank you guys for your answers! I'm going to take it to heart and really meditate on each answer. Thanks again!

(16 Jun '11, 19:19) Ana

Crap just happens, sometimes it is our own doing other times it is much beyond our control. I would say my best advice is to keep as centered as you can so that no matter what is going on outside of you internally you can still feel that peace, try not to loose that as much as possible. Also, at least now you know you tried your best at some things so at least you have no regrets!


answered 17 Jun '11, 01:02

Back2Basics's gravatar image


Hello Ana, seems to me your experiencing poverty consciousness, here are the symptoms;

i don't have any money, i'm broke, the only luck i have is bad, nothing good ever happens to me ... for more info take a look at this


i feel sure it will assist you


answered 10 Mar '13, 06:59

ru%20bis's gravatar image

ru bis


I saw where you posted this link to another question. You should think about posting this link to Jai's school question. May be of some help.

(11 Mar '13, 03:54) ele

yes @ele i love practicing "abundance consciousness", it took me a long while to realize that i had "poverty consciousness" embedded within me

(11 Mar '13, 04:16) ru bis

@ru bis I found out many years ago if you trust the Universe, it NEVER fails to provide & it's an absolute as is "Abundance Consciousness". I also see another connection or two. I actually have a little knowledge in this field. For the most part, I'll have the next 7 months off barring any twists or turns. I stopped taking risks & that's poverty consciousness also. Lots of possibilities. Thanks.

(11 Mar '13, 06:16) ele

@ele seems to me you're a good person to hang around with :)

(11 Mar '13, 06:45) ru bis

@ru bis I have 'hats' all week - agenda's, meetings, travel barring weather which sure doesn't look good now. I'll be back.

(11 Mar '13, 07:16) ele

@ele looks good to me :) have a great time

(11 Mar '13, 07:25) ru bis
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

Yes, everything is going wrong because of your own personal attachment to making these things go wrong when in fact it is the right things to happen to you at the time, because you choose it for yourself!

Change your mind set, and you change the way you look at the world within and without, and the things in your life. You should choose to turn negative into positive, and see how the world around you will look so different to you. The choice is yours, so go ahead and choose your dream, and live your dream!


answered 18 Jun '11, 06:56

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

Every wrong things you believe happens to you is not in your control. But how you face or react to it is in your hand. The belief in self and optimist approach to your challenges will surely change you feelings to it. Feel good to any situation. It will surely minimize your negative happening.


answered 11 Mar '13, 10:36

marathisend's gravatar image


Learn to enjoy this minor chaos; your visions of creation are not the only acceptable ways of nature. Thank God your daughter is okay!


answered 14 Mar '13, 13:53

unisis's gravatar image


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