i noticed that i attract relationships and people that needs healing. what i mean by that is that first - i cant help but notice their emotional problems and second - when they'er opening up to me they tell me every little detail about their dificulties without me asking and their stories contains alot more negativity then positivity).

when i listen i feel a huge urge to fix and help which im trying to fight cause i know they have their own inner being, and that i dont have to fix anyting and also that they are like that because in a way im like that - BUT thats what not working for me: i know myself very well, im a confident woman, who attract insecure men i dont understant why??? and every time it freaks me out all over again. i think there's somthing i did'nt figure out yet about communication with people, meaning i cant really listen and be happy for them ,for their prosses, i gudge them and see them as lower then me (in viberation terms) , and its hard for me to fisicaly stay in negativity so i end the relationships or go away. when they tell me about their problems i gudge them inside and try to fix it, but if they dont tell me anything and just happy all the time i also gudge them for having communication problems and not letting me getting to know them.

when im alone im happy, but as soon as i get together with someone i find myself less happy and want to run away and be alone.

i gusse what im asking is how do i shift myself into being somone who can accept others and be there for them whitout gudging them, or being angry about who they are and what they've done, like how to be a better friend WITHOUT the need to heal or fix ar excpect. but also still having what i want and not comprimise.

so i think thats it... thanks :)

asked 03 Dec '16, 04:27

myself's gravatar image



"but if they dont tell me anything and just happy all the time i also gudge them for having communication problems and not letting me getting to know them."

... or in other words they are damned if they do or damned if they don't :)

You need to work on yourself dear & it begins with self love, otherwise you will continue to attract relationships like these.

Click on "tags" link at the top of the page & check the questions tagged with self love.

(03 Dec '16, 16:16) ele

thanks for your comment. i purposefully wrote that becouse im aware of my problem :( that is exactly my conflict.... but thanks , i'll look for self love i guess it all starts and ends with that.

(03 Dec '16, 16:43) myself

"i gusse what im asking is how do i shift myself into being somone ..... "

@myself I knew you were 'aware' and your real question was "how" when I read your question.

Also, stop judging yourself so harshly . Be kind to yourself also! Kindness begets kindness as does love.

As they say, "nothing is good or bad; but judgement makes it so." I know its hard to stop judging yourself or others but if you do, life tends to *'flow' and you'll attract people more like yourself.

(03 Dec '16, 18:29) ele

thank you :)

(04 Dec '16, 07:00) myself
showing 0 of 4 show 4 more comments

Myself......... Eventually you will come to understand that all experience, including the circumstances in your life, are simply the manifestations of your thoughts and beliefs. Thoughts that you repeat often enough become your personal beliefs. If you could somehow hook yourself up to some kind of super computer and have it print out your every belief, you would find they number in the hundreds, if not thousands. Every aspect of what you perceive as reality can be traced back to some belief that you've adopted throughout your life.

The most potent beliefs affecting your life are core beliefs. These beliefs often began in childhood, having been adopted from parents, preachers, teachers and others who may have influenced your life. Many of the beliefs you have about yourself, your personality, and self worth are core beliefs. Think of your beliefs as the colors you choose to paint a self-portrait of your life. When all is said and done, it is solely up to you to choose which colors to use. There are no rights or wrongs. Every color, every belief, every choice you make will blend together to create what you perceive as your personal reality.

What follows are a number of beliefs taken from your posted question. Most are direct quotes, your beliefs in your words. In other cases, I used ( ) in instances where a belief was implied. For each belief, I offered an opinion, suggestion or other information that may or may not help you (italics) Understand, that simply by exposing your beliefs, you give yourself power over them. Once you bring a belief into the light of consciousness, you can then choose to hold onto it, reject and delete it, or replace it with a more suitable "color", one that will help you to create a more preferable reality. (Note: these beliefs are not necessarily in the order they appeared. I tried to place beliefs that I perceived as more significant (more life affecting) at the beginning.)

I attract relationships and people that need healing..... This is the core belief (now exposed) that you will need to eradicate or replace if you want to stop attracting this sort of relationship.

I feel a huge urge to fix..... (I believe I need to fix them)

I don't have to fix anything..... You will want to resolve these conflicting beliefs! This one is obviously preferable.

I'm a confident woman, who attracts insecure men..... Try replacing this very "limiting" belief with: "I am a confident women who attracts confident and emotionally secure men." You will know you've succeeded when these "new" types of men begin to appear in your life!

When I'm alone I'm happy..... This is, in effect, a belief that in order for me to be happy I will have to be alone. Really? Do yourself a favor and now that we've exposed this belief, just choose to get rid of it. Delete, delete, delete.

As soon as I get together with someone, I find myself less happy..... Choose to get rid of this belief as well!

They are like that because in a way I'm like that..... This is possibly a deep-seated core belief that may be limiting your potential. I suggest you make an effort to explore it further to discover the ways it may be affecting your personal reality.

They tell me every little detail about their difficulties..... What they are really doing is exposing their beliefs to you. The only way to "fix" them would be for them to first recognize their limiting beliefs and then choosing to delete or replace those beliefs. You will need to apply this same process to deal with the beliefs you've expressed here in your question.

Their stories contain a lot more negativity then positivity..... The negativity or positivity you perceive is based solely on how you define those terms.

I don't understand why???..... The answer to this question will always be the same: YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY. Your entire experience is the manifestation of your thoughts, your beliefs. This idea can be better understood by exploring The Law of Attraction. Many of the users on this site have provided a wealth of information on LOA. (see tags: http://www.inwardquest.com/tags/law-of-attraction/ ) or Google: "Esther Hicks/ Abraham" for reading or You Tube videos.

I can't really listen and be happy for them..... Choose to believe instead that your happiness is not dependent on the circumstances of others.

I also judge them for having communication problems and not letting me getting to know them. I see them as lower then me (in vibration terms)..... In other words, I believe they have communication problems. I believe they are not letting me get to know them. I believe they are lower than me. This comes from a core belief in the need to judge others for whatever reason. We generally learn this belief at a young age and carry it with us throughout our lives. Books could be written about about this belief in the need to judge and all the resulting negative effects. For now, I can only suggest you try to break away from this practice as best you can. It becomes easier to do with practice and recognition of the positive benefits that become apparent when you stop judging others.

(I am) angry about who they are and what they've done..... (Review Esther Hicks/Abraham topics concerning "emotional guidance system".)

There's something I didn't figure out yet about communication with people..... Welcome to the human race!


answered 04 Dec '16, 00:32

i4cim2b's gravatar image


edited 04 Dec '16, 09:19

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

its amazing... i learned AH and Bashar for years but i guess gudgment kept me from really looking at myself as i should've. thanks very much for your comment. now i know not only how to guide others but exactly what MY work is for myself. THANKS!!

(04 Dec '16, 07:16) myself

I must confess I have the same problem. It's our desire to fix that attracts these people and these conversations. Try to listen to what they are saying without giving any opinion about it. I know it's difficult, but you have to try. The more we try to help, the more we attract thoughts that will make the conversation go on and on. If you just look at them while they are talking and, instead of paying attention, you say: You are fine, you are fine, you are fine, etc., you will realize that what they want from you is not an idea (that they won't put in practice anyway), what they want is just to put that outside of them. Allow them to do that, don't get emotionally involved, don't come up with ideas; they will feel grateful because you listened to them and the conversation will be over faster.

Now, you cannot allow them to do it everytime they see you - they will try! The only way out of it is to avoid the conversation to start. If you perceive it coming, start to talk about some news you heard on television, for example, and don't let the conversation go into the personal area. Don't talk to them about your life, so that they won't start talking about theirs.

I hope it helps:)


answered 03 Dec '16, 10:18

VitoriaRegia's gravatar image


thank you for your answer, it helps a lot !!:)

(03 Dec '16, 12:45) myself

From reading between the lines, I gather that you have a belief that says that you are happier alone than in a relationship. But since you actually would like to have a relationship, you get conflicting situations: The person fits, but not in a good way.

You most likely also have genuine desire to heal people that you are also experiencing negatively in this situation, because of the negative belief.

I would suggest using Bashar's method: You ask yourself, what would I have to believe in order to feel the way I do about the people who come into my life? Then wait and see what comes up. It's likely that whatever comes up makes no sense, and once you realize that, it loses its attractive power.

And, by doing so, you heal the person who need it most in this situation in the first place: you.


answered 04 Dec '16, 05:00

cmc's gravatar image


edited 04 Dec '16, 05:02


thank you, ill try that !

(04 Dec '16, 07:18) myself
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