I saw a quote on Facebook today from Eldon Taylor, "A positive attitude may not immediately cause difficulties to disappear, but it will definitely annoy enough people in today's world to make it worth while".
I was thinking that, of course, we need to feel good and think on the positive side in order to make our lives happy and in order for good things to come our way.
But does it annoy people when we do so?
Last week my sister complained to me that her brand new car was acting up and caused her to leave work late. I told her to look at the bright side; perhaps her delay helped her to avoid an accident, or perhaps her having to take the vehicle in for service would uncover a more serious problem that she could have addressed. But she just wanted to be mad and didn't want to hear it. Thinking back, there have been other times when my brighter outlook has aggravated people.
Why do you think that is true?
asked 18 Jun '10, 18:39
As Michael pointed out "misery loves company". When someone is in a miserable mood or a downward spiral they generally don't want to hear from someone positive because they are vibrating at a different frequency so the positve comments will only irk them and raise their heckles. As a result they'll probably resort to victim mode and blame you for not understanding.
There can also be an unconscious feeling of jealousy because you feel good and they don't so they'll argue vehemently because they need to be right. Depending on the situation - if I know I'm not having a positive efeect or the person just can't hear me, I usually find it easier to remove myself before I get sucked into that downward spiral.
answered 18 Jun '10, 20:03
i agree everyone as free will why talk or give them the truth if they can't accept it. experience and enjoy.
(27 Aug '11, 19:48) white tiger
@white tiger... you too:)
(01 Sep '11, 20:50) Michaela
Misery loves company, especially miserable company.
answered 18 Jun '10, 18:46
yes that happens. smile. experience and enjoy.
(27 Aug '11, 19:51) white tiger
When people are miserable and sad, they just want you to listen to them and understand them. You don't have to show that you agree with their opinion, because that doesn't matter that much. The first thing we want to do is give advice, and this is wrong approach. Even if we are 100% right, we should refrain from doing that.
I've learned this from this book. Altough it concerns children, I found that it works equally great on adults. The strategy is to listen carefully, encourage your speaker to talk even more, and as your responses use what he's just told you (not in exact words) to describe his feelings about the matter he is speaking about. Very peculiar and weird to apply, when I used it on my miserable friend, she started speaking more and more and eventually she has wondered why she told me that much. After some time her mood went back to normal and she changed the subject.
This is just the tip of an iceberg so I recommend you the book, it's really great.
answered 19 Jun '10, 12:52
yes well complaining does not change the situation and eventually you need to tell them the truth. other wise they will complain all their life and it will not change. experience and enjoy.
(27 Aug '11, 19:54) white tiger
Polish people are masters at complaining, so I know :D
(29 Aug '11, 19:47) Asklepios
The strategy is a well-known one, often used by counsellors, and is called Reflective Listening - possibly one of the most useful relationship-enhancing tools that exists :)
(28 Oct '12, 13:59) Stingray
@Stingray- Would you say that Reflective Listening (actually, I have heard it as mirroring) is the only thing you can do, essentially, if you want to 'coach' someone out of a bad feeling place into a better feeling place?
(28 Oct '12, 20:08) Nikulas
@Nikulas - I wouldn't say it's the only thing you can do but it does allow you to interact with someone outside of your habitual vibrational setpoint without needing to empathize with their emotional pain and thereby keep them locked there even longer. By reflecting back to them (and staying out of their "stuff"), you can hold to your own good-feeling connection which will either uplift them or else make them clatter away
(29 Oct '12, 08:22) Stingray
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments
People seem to love to commiserate together. Perhaps that gives them a feeling of community. People also hate to be told they're wrong, which is essentially what you do when you tell them to be more positive.
Commiseration seems to happen more in environments that encourage it. In environments that do not encourage it (my church is one), not so much.
answered 18 Jun '10, 19:02
being positive is not telling them that they are wrong is telling them that their is not only darkness and life can be positive. experience and enjoy.
(27 Aug '11, 19:50) white tiger
I think not as much we annoy people with our positive attitude but when we try to tell them to have a positive attitude like your "Look on the bright side" help when all your sister wanted to hear was the world's way of saying something like you should be mad maybe you should get even ect...
Where as the Christian way is to say well God is in control there must be a reason for this that is to my benefit someplace, I have no right to be mad unless I was to think I was in control. This way instantly releases the problem and the burden of the yoke of this problem to carry around as well, in other words it does not mess up the whole rest of your day or week like it does for everyone else. :-D
answered 18 Jun '10, 18:50
don't also m.uslims say "it's the will of al.aha"?
(19 Jun '10, 11:14) ursixx
Not the will of but giving up ourselves to his control, in other words laying our problems at the feet of God. Muslims may say the same thing, I don't know I do know it is far less stressful when you put your faith and trust in God even in the worst of times that the love of the Father will prevail and we will be taken care for.
(20 Jun '10, 04:45) Wade Casaldi
I Think Therefore I Am just said something very similar to mine so that answers that actually. :-)
(20 Jun '10, 04:48) Wade Casaldi
to each problem there is a solution you just need to find it. experience and enjoy.
(27 Aug '11, 19:57) white tiger
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments
Islam says "In everything that happens there is God's will and He always knows what is best for us" Hindusism says "When something happens according to your desires thats good, when its doesn't that's even better as that means its God's desire and His desire is always for our ultimate good". All religions have similar beliefs but people only seem to use these things as quotations their actions are usually quite contrary to this, I think because when they are misearble or complaining and others are sympathetic to them they feel a kind of solace and the centre of attention. When we are positive with such people this cycle of misery, sympathy and feeling good is broken - that's not what they are used to and this is what annoys them. One of my cousins had a drug problem and he had lost his job, his wife became pregnant during this time and his family was quite worried about what would happen after the child was born and how he will be able to support his family. His wife miscarried and I heard the news from his sister, my instinctive response was "perhaps that's what God thinks is best" and she flipped! Even though this was something thet all kind of wanted deep in their hearts my saying so was against the tried and tested response she was expecting.
answered 18 Jun '10, 19:47
I Think Therefore I Am
well maybe she does not know you like she think she does. and yes nothing ever happens with out a reason. experience and enjoy.
(27 Aug '11, 20:00) white tiger
It annoys some people but not others. When I lived in a dorm at school, I would wake up and sing or humm or whistle while getting ready for school/work and doing my chores. I remember one girl who would get so irritated by it. I didn't understand this and made the mistake of wondering. In wondering, I attracted experiences that gave me some answers. I actually got sucked in to the negative side for awhile. It was actually while going to a UPC church, which has a 'holier than thou,' attitude. I noticed that since then, I have been trying to find myself again. On facebook, an old friend from elementary school kept posting stuff like, "life is good." I kept asking in my mind, why she could feel that way while others were complaining about this and that, but she always has a positive perspective. Meanwhile, I was studying, and participating here, and learning about EFT, and learning how it all works. So it all comes down to vibration. Similar vibrations can resonate, and harmonize and synchronize, but vibrations that are too different, create disharmony, etc... Like somebody banging on the piano can put some notes together that sound good, and some combinations that sound really bad together. So, when our vibration is in that different, it disturbs their vibration, harmonic dosonance for example. The trick is not to get sucked down when people respond negatively to possitive behavior. It is also important to be sensitive to others. Ideally you want to help their vibration to rise with yours, not bring yours down, or theirs down.
On the other hand, some people enjoy the music. One time I was whistling while shopping. I stopped for a momment to read a label, when this older man popped his head around the aisle and said, "Don't stop, I was enjoying that. I have been trying to keep in hearing distance to your whistling."
answered 12 Aug '11, 14:52
Cute story about the whistling! And you are so right about similar vibrations being attracted! It's too bad someone was irritated by your morning happiness....
(12 Aug '11, 16:09) LeeAnn 1
be positive fairy princess
(27 Aug '11, 20:04) white tiger
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments
yes sometime it does people have free will and some see only the negative some are jealous and some cannot understand that other people can be positive when they are not able to be. so experience and enjoy.
answered 27 Aug '11, 20:09
I think its only "annoying" in so much as the person we are dealing with may not be conscious of these methods that everyone on here has generally been studying/aware of/practicing- such as law of attraction/manifestation, energy work etc. Most people generally just say its "nonsense" and are fairly closed minded about it- then they go on bitching about minute things that go wrong...and then more minute things that go wrong...and its no wonder we have nothing to talk to them about cause their focus is on things out of their control!
I'd say its not a matter of us annoying anyone- its more a matter of us either choosing to associate with more conscious people, or attracting in people with similar positive beliefs about how the world works. Instead of feeling sheepish around others who may not be receptive to those laws of the universe and the idea or practice of watching our thoughts, etc.etc. things like that... It helps to recognize our positivity sometimes brings fear out in others.
I'm a very practical person myself but I still refuse to read the news or listen to fear-based stories because I know everything is about vibrations and things happen for a reason, so I put alot of effort into innoculating myself from things other people say that are either trying to get me to join in on their bitching or lower vibrations or other unconstructive things...
Things go much smoother for me (and even better- I'm not self-conscious or worse, "guilty") for being polyannish around anyone- because I know that LOA and like is actually much more predictable and common sense than the populist definition of 'common-sense' which is actually fear based...
hope this helps!
answered 28 Oct '12, 14:54
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