Generally it is pretty easy for me to tell what is right or not for me. Simple process, if it makes me feel good then it works for me, and not if not.

What do you do when your 'emotional compass' of what you want simply spins? (Or if your compass says that more than one juxtaposed conditions are 'right'?)

Little bit of context, the root of my issue is (as most are) of course a woman. I've successfully gotten over any negativity from the past as it pertains to this situation, and I feel great because of it. No more negative feelings even while listening to breakup or love songs, though [edit:] listened to 'our song', felt great, nothing but non-attached happy memories and positive wishes for those involved. All this progress.. yet talking to her still makes my head spin. No longer in a bad way at all. Simply confused. No positive, no negative. Very happy with my progress, don't get me wrong, just still trying to figure myself out.

why does it spins

asked 28 Mar '13, 05:10

Snow's gravatar image


edited 28 Mar '13, 13:17

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


you have the impression that your compass is being scrambled because it is searching for new bearings

(28 Mar '13, 05:49) ru bis

I think people will be hard pressed to find a more fitting answer than your comment. Resonated me quite strongly on a few different levels.

(28 Mar '13, 05:54) Snow

my pleasure :)

(28 Mar '13, 05:57) ru bis

But of course it resonates within you, because you're still not over the old. Thus the excitement over the new and the need to move towards different direction than the one your past pointed you towards. Which brings us further revealing that you might be pushing your wishful thinking for forgetting what happened a bit to far.

In other words, whatever happened, was not the problem. The problem is you saw the thing as problem. The question then is not, how do I fix the problem and go on to...

(28 Mar '13, 06:14) CalonLan for remedy, which again is the first natural reaction to such situation. To seek help whenever you encounter a problem while being oblivious to the fact there are no problem and asking more direct question which appeals to your ability to take responsibility for your actions and asking what makes me see this as a problem. Hopefully realizing after a bit of analyzing there are no problem, thus nothing to get over, thus no need to search for remedy, thus no time of your life wasted...

(28 Mar '13, 06:18) CalonLan

...on delusional concept your mind created in the first place to keep you busy, just because it couldn't find anything else to do at that time.

This proven by everyday life of people around us, when we see someone as careless or not hurt by a breakup we quickly assume they didn't care in the first place, which is complete misjudgement. As they usually do care in one way or another, but have other things in life to enjoy and keep them busy, so they don't need to fill no voids and just move on.

(28 Mar '13, 06:21) CalonLan

AND.. this begs an eternal question. If once the fresh got rotten, will new fresh rotten not? Depending on circumstances, it may or may not. Where circumstances being - how well you take care of it.

So for a bit of more tough love, a relationship ends in break up when its rotten too much. Indicating not a proper care was taken of it, which brings us to the hardcore level of self-realization - it's all your fault.Which is great,if you are wanting to become better than you are and failure is key.

(28 Mar '13, 06:30) CalonLan

I started reading your posts and as I did my smile dropped from my face and was slowly replaced with a grimace that I do not believe exists in my repertoire of expressions.

After a bit of analysis I surprisingly did not conclude it was due to everything you were saying being completely true. I do genuinely have no negative feelings left over from our situation. It's no wonder, it's been enough years! Nothing but happy memories and warm acceptance of time well spent fills me when I explore it.

(28 Mar '13, 06:38) Snow

I DID however conclude it was because you were MOSTLY correct, because despite my handling that previous point, I still was looking for a way to 'fix' the situation, trying to find a solution. Rather the idea that my previous approach was not the one I should take for continuing forward. Very important to fix that thought, which I already have. "Einstein defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." Finding love is allowed to be a bit crazy. =) ^_^y

(28 Mar '13, 06:41) Snow

If you genuinely have no negative feelings, that's great. Then here's another question taking us deeper on the inner discovery adventure. Are your present moments not happy enough that you need to bear around happy memories of the past or even venture into it at all?

Why we remember parties? Cuz they were fun. But only at times we're not having fun. When we're at another party, we're too busy having fun in the present moment.

Even this comment is fun to me, trying to understand people better..

(28 Mar '13, 06:51) CalonLan

...i completely forgot my previously forgotten bills I have to pay today while typing. And that's the point I intended to make. Don't care and Have fun. haha.

(28 Mar '13, 06:52) CalonLan

I'm certain she is a very sweet, warm, kind hearted girl, otherwise you would not have fallen in love with her. Don't you think it's time you set her free? Let her go. It's been over for years.

(28 Mar '13, 07:24) ele

'Set her free' as if I were holding her in a cage, or that she was similarly ailed as I. I assure you, she hasn't had any issues moving along with her experience, with my genuine blessing and best wishes from the start.

Just simply a question of "normally it is clear what I want" -> "Hey, I'm not getting a reading here..." -> "Why is my compass borked when it comes to a few specific females in my life?"

(28 Mar '13, 07:37) Snow

I suppose I will ask this question again later when another situation arises to help draw attention from this scenario, instead focusing on the "what do you do when you have two opposing and/or exclusive options that both feel right?"

(28 Mar '13, 07:37) Snow

@Snow You have an energetic hold on her & you know this. Yes, she's trying to move on; but she can't - she's not strong enough. You won't let her go.

(28 Mar '13, 07:42) ele

@Snow I'm going to bed. You should too. Sweet Dreams of Amazing Tomorrows.

(28 Mar '13, 07:45) ele

I'm still sticking with sweet dreams of better days. And you will have an email waiting for you for discussing that topic.

(28 Mar '13, 07:49) Snow

@Snow This was your idea. I resisted as long as I could. Sorry.

(28 Mar '13, 07:57) ele

Why are you apologizing to me. Knock that off.

Obviously you're delirious and in desperate need of rest. Go to bed, rest well, we will continue that conversation in email later because I am sure if it were here it would be a bajillion and a half comments and I don't think their servers have enough hard drive space to store all of our jibberjabber.

Sweet dreams, see you in the morning.

(28 Mar '13, 08:01) Snow
showing 0 of 19 show 19 more comments

No more negative feelings even while listening to breakup or love songs though I haven't worked up the courage to try 'our song' yet

I think your compass is doing fine but you avoid looking at it I believe...which is fine too. Because often it is best to just focus on other positive things instead of digging into all the negative stuff we accumulated our whole life.

But don't assume that your compass isn't working if you don't want to look at it.

Sounds to me as if you neutralized some beliefs that were bothering you before. But you still know that there is something negative if you would dig a little bit deeper. But at the same time you fear the possibility to fear...if you listen to the song.

Because otherwise you wouldn't assume that you needed courage to listen to a song, which is just a string of acoustic vibrations that can do no harm to anybody. You would just listen to it and feel neutral or good such as other people who listen to the very same song.

Or you wouldn't even bother that there was a song some time ago that felt negative. You would think of other mundane things such "Is eating macaroni and cheese bad for me?" :).

yet talking to her still makes my head spin. No longer in a bad way at all. Simply confused. No positive, no negative.

Maybe your interpretation of your compass is not quite accurate here. If you feel confused, it usually means you have two conflicting beliefs about something. One is a good feeling one and the other is a bad feeling one. Neutralize the bad feeling one, and you should just feel clear and good.


answered 28 Mar '13, 05:42

releaser99's gravatar image


But that's just it. It's more like my compass has 3 separate arrows that all feel 'good'. Each of them has varying degrees of 'apprehension', because of a normal fear of the already accepted possibility of the outcomes not being ideal. So while I feel varying degrees of drawn to each idea in varying ways, I feel no negativity towards any of the options. Only mixed degrees of neutrality or positivity.

(28 Mar '13, 05:48) Snow

@Snow OK, I get it. So you don't know which one of all the neutral or positive options you have is the best one. You want to make the best decision you could make in your situation. I hope this link helps you and gives you further understanding of your situation

(28 Mar '13, 05:56) releaser99
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