I could use some advice. I am a middle-aged woman, with a fairly decent career, I make enough money to support my family ... and I'm happy with that part of my life, but ... I'm unhappy with my weight .. I'm obese. I have no out of the ordinary physical reason for obesity, I eat healthy most of the time, but for some unconscious reason, I eat or drink too many calories often enough to maintain my current weight. I know WHAT to do to lose weight, I've done it before in the past .... but for some inexplicable reason, I am preventing myself from losing my weight now ... and it is damaging to my health, amongst other things .... any advice I can use to stop sabotaging myself from achieving my weight loss goal? I need to lose 140 lbs.

I cannot understand what I am doing to sabotage myself. Losing weight would improve my health and my wealth, as well as making me more confident. I may be using my obesity as an excuse to avoid a love relationship, but that is what I really want now.

asked 25 Jul '13, 21:32

Beach%20Baby's gravatar image

Beach Baby

edited 26 Jul '13, 04:33

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


@supergirl asked "What is the metaphysical reason for being overweight?" There are some very good answers here.


(01 Aug '13, 02:52) ele
showing 0 of 1 show 1 more comments

I agree with arpgme. The messages we give to our bodies either condemn us or liberate us. We give these messages mentally (I hate being fat) or we give these messages through actions - such as not treating the body lovingly or not treating the whole person with sufficient respect. Not drinking enough water causes many to gain weight. They confuse hunger with thirst and they disrespect their body by withholding this vital fluid.

Another suggestion comes from the Seth Material. Seth suggests not using an affirmation of "I am losing weight" because that sets the person up for losing and then gaining in order to lose. Better to affirm (often) that you love being at your ideal weight while feeling the confidence and satisfaction that comes with it.


answered 03 Aug '13, 14:56

Gail's gravatar image


I think the main problem with body weight issues is that our body is always with us. We see it everyday in the mirror and it's frustrating. Because it isn't the way it should be. And even more bothersome is that you know what to do to lose weight.

And you still do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's a challenge that many, many people have.

It's a vicious cycle.

You see yourself in the mirror --> You feel frustrated/annoyed --> You blame yourself because you don't take action to change it --> You feel really bad and eat something to distract yourself --> You blame yourself for eating --> You see yourself in the mirror --> You feel frustrated/annoyed --> You blame yourself because you don't take action to change it --> You feel really bad and eat something to distract yourself... and so on...

There are people who figured out finally (including myself) how to break through this cycle to have the body they want. And since you know that you are able to have success in at least one other area of your life, this also means that you can have also success in other areas. You just need to know how. You need to know how to break through this cycle. That's all.

The most important thing is that you decide from now on that you will blame yourself at least 30% less from now on. Because this is the thing that makes this cycle so potent.

The next step is to have an action plan that's realistic and viable. You don't have to lose all your weight in 3 days. But you must feel better about your goal. So make a plan that's realistic and extremely easy to apply.

I suggest you look into Manifesting Experiment 3.

That's basically how I and a few other people I know lost weight.

  1. Know what you think you need to do to lose weight.
  2. Take minimum action every day.
  3. Feel better.
  4. Lose weight

The belief system that works for me is counting calories. I lost weight by eating fast food only everyday. No salad, no vegatables. I just knew how much calories I needed on a daily basis to lose weight.

Go to http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm and know how much calories you need to maintain your weight.

So let's say you need 2500 calories to maintain your current weight. Make an action plan and eat 2400 calories daily. So this will results in losing weight everyday (100 calories everyday).

After a week or so you can now begin to eat 2300 calories. After a month you eat 2200 calories. ..and so on.

The important thing is that you make taking action very, very easy.

Take tiny action --> feel better --> lose weight --> take tiny action --> feel better...

See also: Manifesting Experiment 3 : The 'Vibrational Goal-Getting' Method - Manifest what you want by taking aligned physical action


answered 26 Jul '13, 09:52

releaser99's gravatar image


edited 26 Jul '13, 09:54

Thank you. I do take action, but not consistent action. I've signed up for a free online calorie tracker. I avoid restaurants and eat mostly organic food, with no wheat/gluten/dairy/sugar/artificial sweeteners. But sometimes I overeat, enough to completely halt my weight loss. I also walk a minimum of 3 miles a day at work, and up to 5 miles, in addition to doing daily physical therapy exercises for back pain, which is slowly diminishing.
I will definitely try manifesting Experiment 3.

(26 Jul '13, 18:47) Beach Baby

Well, the calorie calculator says I need to eat 2524 calories to maintain, and 2080 calories for fat loss.

(26 Jul '13, 19:01) Beach Baby

@Beach Baby The general idea is to feel better about your goal and make it easy to feel better about your goal. If you restrict yourself from too many things you like (such as eating fast food), it will probably be frustrating...and back you are in the vicious cycle. Therefore it's important to simplify things first. You can live a more complicated life, once "you are there". Regarding the calculator, if you eat less than 2524 calories/day, you will lose weight.

(01 Aug '13, 04:42) releaser99
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

@Beach Baby

I cannot understand what I am doing to sabotage myself. Losing weight would improve my health and my wealth, as well as making me more confident. I may be using my obesity as an excuse to avoid a love relationship, but that is what I really want now.

So you do know the answer.
Maybe that should be your question.

"Why I am I overeating to avoid a relationship?"

Address those issues and the others will fall in place.
Love yourself.
When you realize that you are an unlimited source of LOVE and LIGHT.
You will attract the same regardless of you physical appearance.


answered 10 Aug '13, 03:24

ursixx's gravatar image


I think this is the answer. Thanks.

(10 Aug '13, 10:46) Beach Baby

I read your question soon after you posted but was busy with summer stuff and have half bad internet.. Glad you read it too @Beach Baby

(11 Aug '13, 02:45) ursixx

@ursixx - Excellent answer. Treat the cause of the problem, rather than the symptoms. :)

(11 Aug '13, 10:00) Grace

I get a daily mail from J.Krishnamurti. this one popped in today Our body, our feelings, our thoughts:To understand ourselves requires objective, kindly, dispassionate study of ourselves, ourselves being the organism as a whole -our body, our feelings, our thoughts. They are not separate, they are interrelated. It is only when we understand the organism as a whole that we can go beyond and discover still further, greater, vaster things....

(12 Aug '13, 02:09) ursixx

... But without this primary understanding, without laying right foundation for right thinking, we cannot proceed to greater heights. @Beach Baby http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/

(12 Aug '13, 02:10) ursixx
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

You cannot achieve your weight-loss goal because you are not nice to your body.

"I hate my weight"

"I don't like my body"

"I wish it would just go away!"

If you do not like your body, then that is the Vibration you are giving off, so you will keep manifesting a dislike of your body in your reality. Love your body, and the reality will reflect that back to you.

Not only will you love your body and be happier, but your body will be less stressful and therefore healthier (and therefore body changes) and when you love your body, people will reflect that and you will get compliments.


answered 02 Aug '13, 22:07

arpgme's gravatar image


I totally agree with @releaser99. He said some very important stuff. Going at it full tilt is not the answer at all. You need to sneak up on it, little by little.

I think his idea to count your calories is a good idea, too. I am not sure about the fast food, at least not all the time.

Something that helped me a lot with my eating was seeing a nutrtritionist and learning about counting carbs. I am diabetic, and that really helped me see that I was eating too many carbs for my health.

It's all about setting really reachable goals. You just cannot look at the whole thing at once! I would go crazy in a second if I had to take in the whole goal in one gulp. Remember that movie called Baby Steps? Watch that and laugh and perhaps take it to heart a little.

I will pray for you. You are definitely NOT alone! I need to lose about 55 lbs myself. But I decided to make my goal to get stronger and try to be more active every day. I am doing yard work like mad and pushing myself to do more and try to build muscle, which burns more calories than fat. It's working! I have lost more than a whole dress size. I also do not have a scale. They are really deadly.

Good luck and be sure to tell me about your progress. We are all behind you!

It took you a lot of courage to post this! You are a very brave and honest person.

Love to you,



answered 26 Jul '13, 11:09

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Positive and encouraging advice, Jai.

(26 Jul '13, 17:25) LeeAnn 1

Thanks, Jai. Your words of encouragement and prayer mean a lot to me. I too have tried low carb, but the lowest I've been successfully been able to cut my carbs is about 100g, since I juice a LOT of vegetables, mostly leafy greens. I do avoid eating starches like wheat corn, rice, oatmeal, cereals, bread, pasta, and sugar.. I eat 2 pieces of fruit daily. I eat meats, fish, and eggs for the rest of my meals. I "cheat" about once every week or 2.

(26 Jul '13, 18:56) Beach Baby

I think I need to build a lot more muscle, since despite my walking, I don't have a lot of muscle. I want to start weightlifting again, like I did in my 20's and 30's (when I was slender.) I really need to motivate myself for that.
Manifesting Experiment 3, here I come!

(26 Jul '13, 18:56) Beach Baby
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

If you're having trouble with it you might just be making it hard on yourself. Do it the easy way. I know you said you already know how, so if you already know this stuff or prefer a different method please disregard. For me the hardest part about any of it is simply remembering to do it. The stretching in particular feels good and makes me feel better, if only I could keep to the routine I get great results when I do.

Change the foods you buy, don't let yourself even have the option to eat things you shouldn't be and you wont. You can make this a whole lot easier by finding and buying foods that are good for you and still taste good. Replace any soda with tea. Get a blender, lots of fruits and start having smoothies. Strawberry banana blueberry with frozen yogurt milk and strawberry banana yogurt is one of my favorites. Oatmeal is healthy, peanut butter & chocolate syrup is a straight up dessert which is still worlds healthier than most candy bars simply because of the PB. Be imaginative and find healthy tasty foods and simply don't allow yourself to buy anything else. Get some vitamin B complex and a good multivitamin.

I personally don't like weight lifting and don't think it's a good idea until after you have full flexibility and mobility. I'd suggest first just start by stretching. Gently turn and twist and reach, make all movements in gentle and smooth circles out to the edge of your range of motion. Reach forward and backward, up and down, rotating. Roll your feet around in circles with your heels in the air, then with your toes in the air. Every stretch you do be reaching it as high as you can and try to raise it higher each time you do it. Try to focus most on the reverse range of motion, behind your back and around your sides and over your head. Keep your neck up when doing other stretches, and very gently stretch your neck up and out, doing very slow rotations leaning your neck forward and back and in circles around the sides as you do.

It is my personal unscientifically founded belief based entirely on nothing that as you increase flexibility in an area your body will automatically take this as a cue that you could potentially need use for this area and it will start to burn fat at an increased rate on its own in addition to any efforts you put in.

Eventually as you lose weight and gain balance and flexibility more advanced users begin to push themselves further off center and do other things to increase difficulty. Standing on the balls of your feet and putting your hands up is an excellent idea for people of ALL skill levels, because it requires you to engage more muscles throughout your body to stabilize and maintain balance.


answered 27 Jul '13, 03:28

Snow's gravatar image



Personally I love lifting weights & if I want to feel good, I have no other choice. You have a point. She could use bands or surgical tubing or get a membership at a club. You can set the machines for your range of motion. Better yet @Beach Baby - hire a personal trainer. Building muscle is key to weight loss & being able to eat more of what you love. It will also make you feel more confident - it changes your posture & you will feel stronger mentally as well as physically. You can do it.

(01 Aug '13, 02:55) ele

As I believe all other responses have stated, it is about acceptance. To get to where it is you say you are going (140 lbs lighter), I think it is helpful, nay essential, to accept right now where you are. This doesn't mean you tell yourself, "I'm so happy I'm obese." Instead, it means you affirm that you are happy being you, right now. As I know, from own experience, that is easier said then done, then I would suggest 'going through the motions' for now to at least get a certain ball rolling.

The key, I think is trust in your self. Once acceptance is genuine, even if experienced for just a few conscious moments, then the trust will grow. Without the trust, the sabotage thinking is possibly most prevalent. Think of a new or younger person in the work world. They come in with knowledge of WHAT to do, but perhaps lack experience and trust in themselves that they can do what many others before them have done to reach goals required for that job. Along the way, they may make mistakes and even show up as 'failing' to take the appropriate steps or reaching the goal in the most efficient way. And then may make statements, even to just themselves, that amount to, "I'm no good at this" or "I can't do this, I've tried, but have failed."

Such a person could possibly get help from others who have had similar experiences, and hopefully they do. People who have been in similar place and realize mistakes will happen along the way to reaching the goal, and who can help do things more efficiently. Also people who can take the self manifested 'mountains' that are designed to sabotage one's confidence, and treat them for the 'mole hills' that they are. As in, 'shake it off, you'll be fine. Go get 'em tomorrow tiger.'

But when the person, accepting where they are now, and just starting out on path builds confidence in their own abilities, they will trust their own self to provide help along the way. When that trust is great, it makes acceptance even greater. They will know where they are going, how to get there, and find their own unique path of efficiency that will reach the goal.

Surely you are not alone on this path as many many others have had the goal of weight loss. Once trust and acceptance are truly felt, those others won't be communicating 'what' to do, as much as be perceived as resources for 'how' to get there.


answered 11 Aug '13, 12:04

Jman's gravatar image


I've been thinking about this quite a bit, and during my ruminations, I asked myself what positive purpose this excess fat on my physical body is serving.

I think it protects me from disappointment in romantic relationships. since i believe it "protects" me from having any, it shields me from any potential disappointment and potential pain if it should not work out.

But that's not the root cause. I recalled something that I overheard my mother tell someone, when was a young girl, that I would not be allowed to have a boyfriend. I don't remember the entire conversation, or why she said that, but I do remember feeling very upset and powerless. I believed she had the power to force me to live alone for the rest of my life. IN fact, I'm feeling the same sense of sadness and hopelessness as I write this. On top of that, within a few months of hearing this, my father died.

In addition, everytime I DID get into a relationship, I began to put on excess weight, and would lose it when it ended. Then, when I got married, I put on a LOT of weight. Unfortunately, I haven't lost it since my divorce.

Now that I've recalled this, and know that it is a false belief that was never mine to begin with, I can break the cycle. I AM using my excess fat to avoid a new relationship, because I am programmed to do so.

Now, I choose to change the programming. because it does not serve me in any way, it only serves the false unconscious belief that was programmed into me. It never WAS about eating, or overeating. I could just as easily chosen anorexia, but that was my sister's choice.


answered 24 Aug '13, 22:15

Beach%20Baby's gravatar image

Beach Baby

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