I'm a published writer with a decent track record (prize wins, etc.) and have recently completed work on my first novel. The book has now gone out on submission to publishers but I have just started receiving rejections for a variety of reasons.
I would like to stop myself from going on a negative spiral and return to a feeling of hope if possible. I've been listening to some Abraham Hicks recordings on 'disappointment', etc. and am also meditating and making lists of better feeling thoughts (i.e. the book is still being considered by other publishers).
I'm also trying Faster EFT to tap away some of the feelings of resistance. I wondered if people were able to recommend any other processes though or suggest any ideas to help me become more hopeful about a positive outcome (i.e. getting a book deal).
Writing and getting published has long been a dream of mine and I guess I've picked up some resistance along the way! I would like to go to the 'next level' (which would mean being published by a major publisher).
Any help or advice would be gratefully received.
asked 08 Dec '15, 06:51
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Quite some years ago, I used to know a woman with quite an unusual approach to relationships with men.
Whenever she felt she needed a man in her life, she would get herself a new boyfriend, spend six months or so "extracting" whatever pleasure and excitement she could get out of that relationship with him and then move on to another.
And men kept flocking to her ...I guess some of them even knew about her relationship philosophy and knew they would only be "temporary". In all the time I knew her, she never had any problem starting up new relationships with men. It's not that she was particularly physically attractive or overtly sexual, it's just that she had a solid expectation that she could get herself a "new man" any time she wanted.
Indeed, at the time I knew her she actually had three boyfriends simultaneously, none of whom knew about existence of the others :) And she had absolutely no split energy within herself about doing it since she felt each of them was also getting something out of a relationship with her.
I remember talking to her once about the mechanics of operating a "boyfriend business" like that and what she does if she happens to get too emotionally attached to any one of her relationships that she subsequently terminates or is terminated by mutual agreement.
She told me that what she does in those situations is immediately revisit all the physical locations in which she had strong memories concerning a previous man...but she revisits those locations with her new man in order to set up new and fresh memories, thereby wiping out the old ones.
In that way, she was never troubled by thoughts of previous relationships because any "triggers" to those thoughts were inaccessible, having been wiped out. So she was always happy and fresh with each new relationship and it kept her expectation strong about being able to effortlessly get future relationships. (I should add that she never spoke in these kinds of metaphysical terms, that's just me interpreting her behavior now for the purposes of explanation)
It always struck me that her technique of "memory replacement" was really quite insightful and it's an idea I've used myself many times over the years in different parts of my life. :)
So what relevance does all this have to your question?
One of the most effective ways to keep fresh and happy about "rejection" is to follow her example and "get a new boyfriend" and then wipe out the memories of the previous one in the way that she used to.
A "new boyfriend" in your case would be to create a new book, or other piece of writing, and then engage with it so completely that it wipes out the memories of your previous "boyfriend" i.e. the previous book that has been rejected up to now.
The Universe (Law of Attraction) doesn't care about what your "boyfriend history" has been, it only cares about your current vibrational offering right now.
So by writing more material (and enjoying producing the new works), you are not only keeping yourself in an "allowing" state where your new works feel fresh and inspired but you are also removing the resistance ("the emotional attachments") to what is preventing the manifestation of your desire for your last work to be published.
It's analogous to playing Abraham's Prosperity Game where every day you are wiping out memories of previous bad-feeling money experiences by spending more (virtual) money in fresh and exciting ways.
This kind of approach basically tackles any "bad feeling" vibrational setpoint in a head-on kind of way so it effectively applies "Conclusion 2" of What should we imagine, visualize or believe? even without you realizing it is doing so.
Hope that helps.
answered 09 Dec '15, 02:48
Thanks, @Stingray - that makes perfect sense. I have actually been thinking that I should work on something new but was hoping to have good news about this book before starting something else. I think you're right though as I do line up with myself when I'm writing. Aside from meditating, etc., what I've also been doing occasionally is re-reading over sections of the novel and appreciating the writing, which helps me feel good. Many thanks for your thoughts and insights here - much appreciated.
(09 Dec '15, 02:59) WriterGirl
@Stingray - I also love your friend's 'memory replacement' technique. That really is insightful. I also love that her vibration wasn't split at all about what she was doing. Great!
(09 Dec '15, 03:02) WriterGirl
@WriterGirl - You're welcome :)
(09 Dec '15, 04:56) Stingray
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I'm an artist and have spent a lot of time working through my own weird belief snarls about my work and my audience - I'm in a different place than I was, but not to the full place I want to be yet. So for whatever it's worth, here's what occurred to me as I read your question:
Whatever happens in our personal realities is a match to the vibrations we're putting out. Many of us are blind/deaf/numb to our emotions/vibrations because we've been ignoring them and pretending "it's fine" for so long, so events can be really useful in terms of rubbing our noses in what we're trying to ignore. For me, when I look back on times when my work has been rejected, I can see that I was vibrating (but trying to ignore) several things: "It's very important that other people agree that my work is good - in fact I am only allowed to feel good about my work if other people like it" and "I am afraid that other people will not understand/appreciate my work". So rejection, for me, was a perfect match to those feelings. Although I would not have seen that at the time, I can see now that it's really true for me.
The first thing I would do is try to get very real about how I feel right now, about my work, about other peoples' reception of it, what that means, etc. Watch out for pretending that you feel better than you do. You're just looking for a general "I feel guarded, I love what I make but fear what other people will think/what that will mean for me" check-in. Then I'd make a list to flip that around. Abraham (a LOA teacher facilitated by Esther Hicks) often says "You know what you don't want, so you know what you do want." I think this can be a literal, practical approach. You know, for instance, that you DON'T want to feel bad that people are rejecting your work, so what do you want? I think we tend to think "Okay, I want to feel great because people love my work", but that (to me, as an artist) is another version of the same trap. What we really want is to be so in love with the rightness of our own work that we just don't care very much what other people think about it. And it's that alignment that actually draws enthusiastic audiences, I believe, not actually the work itself. (Okay, it's the work, too. But I think it's the artist's alignment with their work that is what really rings an audience's bells.)
Then, as @Stingray says, start a new project, dive in, love what you do and make.
Thanks for asking this question! It was a great opportunity for me to work through my thoughts about this.
answered 16 Feb '16, 20:07
Thank you so much, @corduroypower for your insightful comments. I fully agree with you on this: 'What we really want is to be so in love with the rightness of our own work that we just don't care very much what other people think about it. And it's that alignment that actually draws enthusiastic audiences, I believe, not actually the work itself.'
(17 Feb '16, 05:31) WriterGirl
I think your comment has made me realise more fully that I do have issues with the novel itself. I do love the writing (and this has been reflected in the feedback from editors) but I have issues with the 'plot' (again, this has been reflected in the feedback). I do need to clean up my vibration on this and, yes, start a new project. Thank you!
(17 Feb '16, 05:31) WriterGirl
Thanks @corduroypower. That is a really helpful insight. :-) But what if you genuinely believe that your work is not good enough? I have recently got a new job and every time I say something at a meeting, I feel that the boss doesn't approve and doesn't think I'm good enough. And I agree with her! Not sure if I should work on my beliefs or just accept I will never be good at what I'm doing and try to find something else to do...
(17 Feb '16, 06:12) Inner Beauty
@corduroypower @WriterGirl - "I think it's the artist's alignment with their work that is what really rings an audience's bells" - Yes, that's it exactly. The criterion I've used for some years now when dealing with creations offered to the public is Does It Please Me? If I don't like it, I find there's a subtle vibrational "un-ease" that gets added into the work that makes others feel uncomfortable about it too. Taking, for example, answers on IQ, if you write them looking for...
(18 Feb '16, 05:16) Stingray
@corduroypower @WriterGirl - ...approval, votes, demonstrating how clever you are, selling your latest product, and so on - all externally-focused criteria - it tends to backfire because people sense there's something not quite right. If you just write them for your own amusement or self-enlightenment and then, almost as an afterthought, release them to the public (i.e. hit the Post Your Answer button), they seem to strike a chord. Not everyone will resonate...but Your audience will.
(18 Feb '16, 05:23) Stingray
Thanks, @Stingray - I suppose I need to look at addressing the 'un-ease' in my vibration about what I've created. I think this must be what is happening - I am getting in my own way.
(18 Feb '16, 05:29) WriterGirl
@WriterGirl - Yeah, I think sorting out your own un-ease about your novel - doing whatever it takes to make you feel better about it - would be an excellent strategy to adopt :)
(18 Feb '16, 05:44) Stingray
(18 Feb '16, 05:53) WriterGirl
@Stingray - "Not everyone will resonate...but YOUR audience will." Yes, this! I've been thinking about how the internal drive an artist feels to create a certain work is somehow related to the desire of an audience that is asking for that work. I am starting to believe that artists are actually channels that allow an audience to manifest a work they've been asking for. It doesn't matter if "people" like your work, some will, some won't. The work is for a specific audience. They will like it.
(18 Feb '16, 13:22) corduroypower
@corduroypower - I agree. Bashar has said a number of times that if you feel the impulse to share something, it's because someone, somewhere is asking for it. I don't think it's our job to figure out who those people are, it's only our job to share what we feel inspired to share (from a place of alignment) and allow Law of Attraction to match everything up vibrationally.
(18 Feb '16, 15:59) Stingray
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Do you appreciate your own book? Immerse yourself in that appreciation and admiration of your own work and you must see it reflected in time.
Also agree with what Stingray says about writing new stuff and really getting into it.
answered 16 Feb '16, 04:29
Thanks for your reply, @Delphine - I admit I do feel better when I look at and appreciate the writing. But you're right - I do need to get on and write something else.
(17 Feb '16, 05:28) WriterGirl
Ever since I was a child I wanted to be an artist. I wanted to be a writer and a pianist, and I spent my life studying to become what I wanted to be. I don't do any of these things professionally because: 1. I guess I am not a writer of things that interest others, and 2. I guess studying is not a way of getting what people call "talent". But I will tell you something that helps me enormously through hard times of low self-esteem: I am who I am and nobody will ever tell me I am not an artist.
I looked into the eyes of a person the other day and said: I don't generate money, that's who I am and there's nothing I can do about it.
The universe always finds a way, and I do live a prosperous life, having all I want when I want it - not a luxurious life, but one that makes me happy and grateful everyday.
What I want to say here, for the benefit of artists with the same hopes and problems, is that we cannot mold ourselves to be whatever other people want us to be just to please them and get their attention and sell them books or whatever. You may write a book you consider great and simply have your book rejected because people are not interested and don't get what you want to express.
Does that matter?
Yes, because artists want to make a living from their art. But there's a more profound reason that makes us to struggle to be artists, and the reason is that we cannot be anything else.
As a writer, you know when your book is finished. You have that feeling that you have done your best and that there's nothing else you can do to improve that work - you gave it all you had, it expresses everything you are at that moment. So, what if people don't like it? Isn't that feeling of satisfaction the most delicious feeling in the whole world? And after finishing that work, you do feel you are not the same person, right? That somehow the writing of the book made you different, more or less "whole" at that moment. Isn't this feeling the greatest reward?
I still care about what people think of my writings, but because I don't make money from them, it's less of a problem if people get them or not, if they read them or not. First and foremost I want the experience of being a writer, and that I get everytime I sit down and write something I like to read.
The more you write, the better. Don't get so focused on selling your work or being famous or successful. Most people don't get their work published, but that does not mean their work is not valuable, or not interesting, just that they are not commercial enough (and I am not criticizing commercial, nor saying that commercial is wrong or not valuable. I read commercial all the time and I love it :)
answered 27 Nov '16, 18:48
@VitoriaRegia - "You have that feeling that you have done your best and that there's nothing else you can do to improve that work - you gave it all you had, it expresses everything you are at that moment...[snip]...Isn't that feeling of satisfaction the most delicious feeling in the whole world?" - A wonderful way of approaching life in general, and a great insightful answer :)
(28 Nov '16, 05:53) Stingray
@Stingray, thank you. That's an in the Vortex subject to me :)
(28 Nov '16, 18:41) VitoriaRegia
You might want to look at some answers I got here: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/97134/how-to-go-on-believing-when-your-hopes-have-been-dashed
answered 08 Dec '15, 23:03
Thanks, @Inner Beauty that's really helpful.
(09 Dec '15, 02:47) WriterGirl
JK Rowling's Harry Potter got rejected numerous times.
Nothing good comes in this life easy. You asked this question and I don't like to sugar coat my answers. If your ears are sincerely open this is what needs to happen.
Develop a thick skin and persistence will win.
KFC became the leading distribution of fast food chicken because Colonel Sanders was willing to pitch his recipe to chef owners over 1,000 times. It is a remarkably famous story worth checking out.
My point here is not to dabble around in pseudo- magic ways to feel better. You will feel better based on the rising numerals of book publishers you send it off to. If youre not willing to take that action to get this done, which is something that needs to get done, then please, dont whine and keep it to yourself.
Business people that create results ive noticed tend to be aggressive people. They welcome obstacles. Perhaps you should invite the same tenacity into your personality.
answered 15 Feb '16, 09:08
Thanks for your honesty, @Nikulas - I agree about persistence. Writing is mainly about persistence more than anything else. In fact, I would say that those who achieve success are not necessarily the best writers but are instead the most persistent. As for being aggressive - I'm not sure you really need that to succeed... but you do need to be driven and focused and I am hopefully both of those. Thank you for your comment.
(15 Feb '16, 09:16) WriterGirl
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Hi @WriterGirl you enjoy writing so I suggest you use the "letter to the universe" that basically involves describing where you are now, your fears, what you want, and not forgetting to give thanks then letting it all go. Another useful tool is "poke and run" that's best used after a session of anger release.
Thanks, @Jaz - that's great. I think I've been trying 'poke and run' without realising I was doing that!