Hi Everyone,

I'm asking for help as I feel this has become a losing battle. I've been reading all the posts about 'expectations' and excellent answers from Stingray and wondering how I can apply these to my situation. Much as I've tried visualisation, hypnosis, meditations, EFT etc you name it to clear out blocks around love and to look forward and 'expect' to meet someone, I simply have lost any excitement or desire to meet anyone. I feel as if I'm forcing myself and when I think about the possibility of someone coming into my life, I feel tense and unhappy and I just feel like curling up in a corner and just telling the person to go away and leave me alone!!! I guess I'm kind of angry with the person for not having showed up earlier!

I've stopped going places to socialise with the expectation that I might meet someone and while that's made me feel better in some ways, now I feel that this feeling of apathy and lack of excitement must be stopping me from meeting someone. I'm worried that believing this is now adding another layer of complexity to the actuality of meeting someone. If I don't expect to meet someone, then of course I won't and so obviously I won't! Maybe I'm working too hard to live in a state of 'expectation'. So should I stop believing that I will only meet someone if I expect it?!!!

asked 21 Sep '14, 09:26

Inner%20Beauty's gravatar image

Inner Beauty

edited 21 Sep '14, 09:36

@Inner Beauty what does expecting a partner bring?

(23 Jun '15, 00:59) jaz

Expectation is not what it used to be when I was younger. Now it is associated with feelings of anxiety,and fear that it won't happen or that I will end up with someone I don't really love or feel attracted to - a compromise. This is associated with a fear of boredom with the person and life.

(23 Jun '15, 02:49) Inner Beauty

@Inner Beauty what does "fear" bring (notice that fear is depicted as no.22 on the Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale - other emotions in the same sector are grief, depression, despair, powerlessness)

(23 Jun '15, 03:30) jaz

oh gosh, your questions are challenging @jaz! :-) Fear makes you want to turn away, run away, avoid ..... I assume it brings more fear and other feelings of lower vibration that you've mentioned.

(23 Jun '15, 05:06) Inner Beauty

@Inner Beauty what does it bring you to run away, to avoid?

(23 Jun '15, 05:30) jaz

Running away and avoiding brings me more peace and calm, feeling of safety..... I guess previous experiences for me around relationships have always involved intense unpleasant emotions when things haven't worked out.... and thinking about a possible relationship and things going wrong almost makes me feel as if I'm having a panic attack from which I need to be brought into safety and reassurance.

(23 Jun '15, 11:21) Inner Beauty

So you enjoy peace and calm and think that running away will make this possible, is that correct?

(23 Jun '15, 13:19) jaz

But where are all the "unpleasant " things taking place? Inside you or outside you? ... outside of course which is really nothing to do with you (because you live in the safest place that could possibly exist Inner Space) unless there's a story attached to the outside events that's attached to your emotions thus giving the impression, the illusion that they are unpleasant.

(23 Jun '15, 13:26) jaz
showing 0 of 8 show 8 more comments


now I feel that this feeling of apathy and lack of excitement must be stopping me from meeting someone

Lack of excitement about what you want is actually a very healthy sign, not a bad one :) I'd say if you are now actually sick and tired of the idea of manifesting your relationship, you're well on the way there :)

Remember that Abraham's principle of The Next Logical Step states that excitement about physically manifesting something means you are still some way apart (vibrationally) from it. When you reach the point that you don't really care if it manifests or not, you're ready for it :)

My life is littered with physical manifestations that I'm already bored with the idea of...and that's why they manifest...when I reach the point of boredom, I get the thing :) So my physical life is littered with boring (to me) physical manifestations even though my mind is littered with exciting ideas about manifestations of the future :)

Physical Manifestations Are Truly Boring :)

Physical manifestations are always going to be relatively boring because by the time you are aligned with those physical manifestations, you've already squeezed the majority of excitement and fun from the idea of having them and now you're already starting to focus on the next thing you want.

alt text

When you receive your new smartphone/computer, for example, how long do you really sit there admiring the shape and size of the physical thing itself? Or is your mind already racing with ideas for apps/software to put on it? And how long is it before you are already eyeing up the newer models? :)

Joy (other than relatively brief flashes of it) cannot really come from the manifested thing itself but instead it comes from the idea of having the thing. The manifested thing itself is almost like a period punctuation mark at the end of the sentence, like this one ---> .

The period punctuation mark (the physical manifestation) marks the end of the idea of the sentence...it signals the final manifestation of the sentence itself...but it's obvious to all of us that the interesting stuff was in the words that preceded it :)

We all recognize intuitively at some level within ourselves that trying too hard can get in the way (the highest voted question on IQ is about this: When I completely let go and was okay with not having what I wanted, things turned around for me ) but we allow ourselves to be conditioned by the physically-focused people around us that we must effort our way to what we want.

We don't need to do that.

Effort of any kind is only necessary because that effort is being used to overcome resistance. A ball rolling downhill with the "flow" (of gravity) does not need effort to make it roll.

alt text

The way you appear to be using the word Expectation seems to be implying effort. And that's not really what I - or others who blah, blah, blah on-and-on about these ideas :) - mean by that word. People sometimes use the word Expect in an action-oriented way i.e. "I expect you to accomplish this task", "I expect you to be here at 9 am". But that kind of Expectation is a manifestation killer because you are focused on noticing you don't have what you want yet.

But with manifesting ideas, when you Expect something, it really means a soft, gentle kind of "Knowing"...like "I know the sun is going to rise tomorrow", "I know I'm going to enjoy watching my favorite TV show". When you replace the word "know" with the word "expect" in those sentences, it's a much softer gentler feeling behind it and that's closer to what true Expectation really is.

True Expectation is Effortless Knowing.

Check out the difference between the actual millionaire and the aspiring millionaire. One person is Efforting, one person has a Knowing Expectation.

In fact, I believe the general misunderstanding of the word Expectation is actually what causes Bashar to often say that you should drop expectations completely because (paradoxically) not having Expectation is closer to the true meaning of Expectation as far as manifesting is concerned.

So when you say...

Maybe I'm working too hard to live in a state of 'expectation'

...I would say that it sounds like you are trying too hard.

Everything you want is already created for you in the moment you wanted it, your only job is to get aligned with it. And the way you do that is just get aligned with your Vortex on a regular basis because your Vortex is at the same frequency as all your already-vibrationally-created stuff.

Everything apart from that regular alignment is optional. If your physical self is required to take action as a result of this alignment, you will feel inspired to do the appropriate thing. So I would just relax, find ways to enjoy your life as it is now and let all the boring stuff - including that boring relationship :) - come to you in an easier way :)

Hope something in there kicks off a few insights for you :)


answered 23 Sep '14, 04:35

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 23 Sep '14, 04:51


wow @stingray, Thank you soooo much for your response. It has brought an enormous amount of clarity and sense of relief! I think there must be a difference between the lack of excitement because you don't think you can ever have something and have blocks surrounding an issue to the non-excitement you are talking about where you have let go of the outcome and I definitely think I have moved along towards the latter from the former. Thanks again!

(23 Sep '14, 18:10) Inner Beauty

@Inner Beauty - You're welcome. I'm glad it was of some value to you.

(24 Sep '14, 08:35) Stingray
  1. Use your imagination to imagine the joy (: without trying to use imagination to make it happen :) of having a partner.
  2. Develop a state of well-being in your relationship with YOU. Appreciate all that you can in your life. Relax into ease and happiness and serenity for the sake of your own emotional well-being. All pleasant things flow from the foundation of emotional well-being.
  3. Repeat 1 & 2 ad infinitum.

answered 21 Sep '14, 13:53

harsha's gravatar image


@harsha, thank you so much. The message I am getting strongly from all is to let go and focus on myself and my own wellbeing and keep going back to that.

(23 Sep '14, 18:14) Inner Beauty

@ Inner Beauty, Yes. And remember "letting go" and "releasing" mean switching focus to something (: anything :) that allows you to feel better and better. You can't really look at your problem and try to let it go or release it, you can only switch focus to that which is pleasing or at least more pleasing.

(23 Sep '14, 18:32) harsha

Stingray's answer above sums everything up perfectly, you may be entering the phase of detachment, so many times after we launch our desire [creation of it] we'll go back and forth over and over, a continuous cycle of feeling bad about our desire [resistance] and feeling good about our desire [alignment] or another way to look at it would be the swinging back and forth from one extreme [aligning] to the other,lack of] like a child playing on a swing set at the city park's playground, back and forth and back and forth, until they decide to stop swinging, the fun's over, the thrill is gone, the child's bored with the swing, it's time to go play on something else [the slide] and the same can apply with reality creation and our desires, even before they manifest we'll grow sick and tired of putting so much time and energy into them, so much so, we'll give up trying, [letting go] something's just got to give! The feeling of apathy and lack of excitement around your desire just means you are on track towards allowing your desire to eventually manifest into your physical reality, and as bad as it feels, it's a necessary component of the process. Here's the light at the end of the tunnel part, you cannot possibly fathom ''how'' the manifestation will occur and this is where things get interesting, this person could come into your life unexpectedly or out of the blue, or, even more surprisingly, this person could be right under your nose, that's how the Universe operates, it has ''infinite'' routes to deliver your desire, the possibilities are endless! With this in mind, there is no need for any expectations, your higher self has ''got this'' so ''knowing'' that, you could just relax and let everything take care if itself and with that vibration of unwavering trust and knowing, the Universe will bring the package [partner] in the most ''unexpected'' way and even more, above and beyond anything you could ever have imagined, yes, it's really that simple. When you let go of expectation you'll ''allow'' the Universe to surprise you, [and we all love surprises] because you'll have [and resonate] that detached level of trust that brings your desire to you in miracle fashion.


answered 25 Jun '15, 15:04

Kreatr's gravatar image


thanks @Kreatr for such a reassuring answer!

(25 Jun '15, 21:14) Inner Beauty

Perhaps, deep in your mind, you have been worrying away at this like a dog with a bone. I know that it is perhaps the deepest wish of the soul to be with someone forever. I know that I wanted this as a teen and when the opportunity presented itself, I took it. "There now!" I thought. "That's taken care of...Now I can live..."

But I really did not think about what I was doing. I bought into the idea of happiness coming from somebody else loving you. I also bought into the whole romance and happily ever after that many girls wish for, thanks to stories like Cinderella. I have often wished I had never heard of Cinderella, or Sleeping Beauty, or Ever-After at all. I did not marry a prince, and he was soon chafing at the bit, saddled with children he was not ready for, and a life pressed upon him that he did not want to live.

It all fell apart, of course. Looking back, I can see that it was perhaps never really together in the first place. I drove him crazy, and he drove me crazy.

So what can you do? I suggest that you just try to absolutely drop the whole thing for a time- maybe a year. Say to yourself, "I release the whole idea of finding a mate. I am going to live for myself, and have an adventure just be-ing." Make yourself do many interesting things- if you like museums, go. If you like to travel, do it. If you like to draw, draw. Write sonnets. Bake delicious foods for yourself. Just drop that expectation altogether. What you will discover is perhaps better than anything- you.

What we resist, persists. How true. Try to be really grateful for all that you already have. Buy yourself flowers every Friday. Have fun doing your hair different ways and dressing up in fun clothes- even if you are the only one that sees you. Make yourself good dinners, and take yourself to great movies. Embrace being alone, and be strong in it. Even if you were with that special man, you would still have to exist in your body alone. If you enrich your soul, whether of not anyone comes along, you will be all the better for having done so.

The years between 2004 and 2009 were very dark ones for me. The man I married had chosen to leave, and I was lost because I had never found out about myself in the first place. I had to learn how to be alone in my skin before I could ever be a good partner to anyone else. Cinderella and all her romantic baggage had to die in the dust.

Finding Wade (Casaldi) was really quite unexpected. I had never dreamed that in the midst of misery, I would find a true friend. I am still grieving for the wasted years, but I suppose I will get through that process and really let go. For all we have is now. Now is what you have. Make it really great. I suspect that while you are journeying through the year I suggested that you will stumble over a new life. In the meantime, lose the expectations and try to make each minute count. Make now really great for you.

God go with you.



alt text


answered 21 Sep '14, 12:16

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 21 Sep '14, 12:26

Thanks @Jaianniah for your kind response. Very reassuring. And like the picture too. Let the adventures begin!

(23 Sep '14, 18:12) Inner Beauty
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